learashi

Title: Never look a gift horse (pony) in the eye.
Pairing(s): Matsumoto Jun/Ninomiya Kazunari
Genres: Birthday fluff
Rating: G
Summary: Jun is running late for Nino’s birthday dinner when he receives a slightly hysterical phone call.
Notes: Hello, and welcome to my annual birthday gift fic in honour of Nino’s birthday.

With the water in the shower on full blast, at first Jun didn’t hear his phone ring. He was running late, and although Nino claimed to not care about birthdays, Jun knew that he would be made to suffer if he was late for Nino's birthday dinner.

Sho had taken it upon himself to organise the evening, and after extensive and detailed research, had selected a restaurant on the other side of town, which meant that if Jun was going to make it there before the guest of honour, he would probably have to invent a time machine.

Ohno was in charge of the gift, which was merely a matter of placing their joint monetary contributions into an envelope and handing it to Nino (who specifically stated on an annual basis that the bank of Ninomiya was only able to accept cash). In an attempt to make this financial transaction appear more festive, Ohno could be relied upon to decorate the envelope with one of his complex and extraordinary doodles.

Every year, Aiba, the last of their five member tight-knit group of friends (and Nino’s BFF since kindergarten), managed to sneak an actual gift into Nino’s arms without losing a limb. Last year it had been a lumpily knitted scarf with more than a few dropped stitches, and despite Nino’s grumbles, Jun had noticed that Nino wore it almost daily during winter.

Every year Jun berated himself for lacking Aiba's courage. It wasn't because he wanted to give Nino weird homemade gifts. It was because he wanted to tell him that he loved him.

As he hastily towelled himself down, in his head Jun practised the words he wanted to say, but probably never could.

Sometimes he was convinced that Nino felt the same way. In fact there had been more than their share of awkward silences at the end of an evening together. But usually, just as Jun was about to open his mouth, drunken Ohno would throw up, and then Aiba would fall over him, or Sho would panic because he'd left his phone somewhere, and the moment would evaporate.

Jun's phone rang as he rearranged his hair for the fifth time, and when he picked it up he noticed the twenty three missed calls, all from the same person. His heart leaped into his throat as he answered.

"Nino?"

Nino's voice held the faintest tinge of hysteria. "There is a pony in my front yard with a pink bow around its head and no, this is NOT the best birthday present ever!"

"Nino? Have you started drinking by yourself already?"

"On a day when people buy me free drinks all night? I am shocked that you think that I would drink my own booze supplies beforehand, when you know that both my alcohol tolerance and finances are limited."

It was impossible for Jun to suppress the sarcastic snort which erupted from his nose at Nino’s words, but he managed to disguise it with a fake cough. Despite Nino’s constant complaints about lack of funds, he was the only one of their group of friends who could afford to live in a house, rather than a shoe box sized apartment.

"Don’t waste time asking questions," Nino huffed. "Just get here and rescue me."

++

After the way Nino described the interloper, Jun was expecting to see something the size of a cart horse, with flames shooting out of its nostrils.

The reality was somewhat different.

The pony, which was on the small side, was pure white and had a thick mane and long tail, which it swished angrily around its haunches. Its eyes were a bright crystalline blue, fringed by thick white lashes, and its nose was pink and wrinkled. There was a wide, bright pink ribbon tied around its head with a floppy bow which was draped over one ear, which periodically flickered with annoyance.

The pony looked up from where it was helping itself to the wilted patch of grass at the front of Nino’s house which somehow managed to survive, despite Nino’s neglect.

Jun slipped through the gate and attempted to make his way across to Nino, who was standing in front of his house frowning at the intruder. Even though Nino looked fierce, Jun could tell that he was also scared. Unlike Aiba, who always seemed to have several pets at a time, nobody else in their group had really ever owned one, and especially not something which should live on a farm.

"Don’t look it in the eye. It will think you want it to come closer," Nino muttered out of the corner of his mouth. "I swear it expected me to PAT it," he added with a visible shudder.

The pony seemed just as curious as Nino suggested, about the new arrival. Its head popped up as Jun sidled by, trying to not make eye contact. There was a stray blade of yellowish grass dancing from the side of its mouth and it gave itself a shake before ambling over to Nino and blowing air out of its nostrils with a loud huff.

"If Aiba’s responsible for this, I am going to kill him," Nino muttered. He edged away from the pony, which was attempting to nibble on his sleeve, and took shelter behind Jun's broad frame. He poked Jun in the spine, and glared at the pony. "It's trying to eat me. Doesn't it know that it's supposed to be vegetarian? I know I have hands which look like milk buns, but this is a step too far."

Jun was tempted to shuffle their positions so that he could use Nino as a human shield. Animals notoriously hated him, and it appeared that the pony had definitely got the memo. It rolled its pale blue eyes, stamped its hooves and bared a mouth full of large yellow teeth. With a squeal, the creature lunged forward and head butted Jun right in the gut, knocking the wind out of his lungs and flinging him backwards into Nino.

For a moment, through the painful haze which made the edges of Jun’s vision blur, he wondered why his fall hadn't hurt too much. A fraction of a second later he heard the pained squeaking noises of a squished Nino, who was moving feebly beneath him.

Somehow Jun managed to flip their positions so that Nino was draped limply over him while they both attempted to reinflate their lungs. Nino's nose was wedged in the cleft of Jun’s collarbones so his voice was a little muffled when he wheezed/spoke.

"Your hand is on my ass."

Jun couldn't see over Nino's messed up hair, so he gave an exploratory squeeze. What he felt was warm and perfectly soft/bouncy. He snatched his hand away after memorising the feeling.

"Oh! Sorry."

Nino shifted his head so he could look Jun firmly in the eye. "The only thing you need to apologise for is not doing it sooner."

Jun wondered if he had sustained a brain injury as a result of the fall. Or perhaps his hearing was defective. "What did you just say?"

"I said something like this." Nino grabbed Jun's face with his milk bun fingers and planted a long and noisy kiss on his slightly parted, astonished lips.

It appeared that the pony wasn't a gift from Aiba after all. A while later a frazzled man dressed as a sloppy clown came and led it away to the correct address, where there was a children's birthday party in progress.

He fully intended to apologise for the error, but decided not to disturb the couple making out on the tiny patch of lawn. Instead he tied a bunch of purple and yellow balloons to the gate as a token, and backed away quietly, wearing a smile which matched the one painted on his face.