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Entry tags:
Unspoken (4/8)
Pairing: Juntoshi
Genre: Romance, angst
Rating: PG to NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Arashi or its members – this is a work of fiction.
Summary: Jun turned to face the two men, his face looking as if all the blood had been drained from it, “Do you understand now what you're facing?”
Before either could respond Jun crumpled to the floor and lay there unmoving.
Previously: CH 1, CH 2, CH 3
Jun knew that he was falling in love with the artist, but he was scared that he thought of him as too young and immature to even consider having a relationship with. He was afraid that he would soon get tired of him staying there and ask him to leave. He was trying to be indispensable and pay Satoshi back by working as hard as he could to help his business and home life run smoothly.
Satoshi was so caring and gentle, he put up with his sudden emotional outbursts without a complaint and his soft and pouty lips were just asking to be kissed. And as the weeks went by it was becoming harder all the time to prevent himself from doing so.
One day when Jun was bringing in yet another load of firewood he managed to drive a large splinter deep into the palm of his hand. As he dropped the wood with a yelp Satoshi came rushing over to help.
"Jun, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing," he winced in reply, gulping as Satoshi snatched up his hand to see for himself.
"It doesn't look like nothing to me."
“I’m fine," Jun protested, suddenly feeling quite hot as the older man gently stroked his wrist in a soothing gesture.
"Let me help. You don't want it to get infected do you?" Satoshi said, deliberately avoiding his eyes, afraid that Jun would recognize the tenderness in them.
Jun tried to pull his hand away but Satoshi’s grip was too strong and a tug-of-war commenced, tears springing into his eyes at the stinging pain in his palm as his hand went back-and-forth between their bodies, droplets of blood dripping onto the floor.
Seeing that he was hurting Jun, Satoshi instantly released his hand. “At least let me pull the splinter out for you.”
“I can do it myself,” Jun protested. He knew that he was acting childishly but he didn’t want Satoshi to touch him; he was afraid of embarrassing himself even further if he felt those beautifully formed and nimble fingers brushing over his skin.
Fortunately Toma walked in five minutes later in search of coffee, while they were still arguing.
When Satoshi saw him he dragged a protesting Jun over to him and watched closely as Toma removed the splinter and dressed the wound.
Toma looked at the pair of them, shaking his head in dismay at their poor attempts to disguise their feelings.
For the rest of the day Satoshi made a fuss over Jun, plying him with treats as if he was a small child in need of comfort.
“Cookie?” Satoshi asked, holding a plate under Jun’s nose.
“No thanks,” Jun said with a sigh. It was the fourth time Satoshi had offered them to him in the last five minutes. His hand was still stinging but he was sure that he could find some sort of work to do, but Satoshi was insisting on him sitting at the table nearest to the counter so that he could keep him under his watchful gaze.
“Are those Nino’s special cranberry cookies?”
Satoshi slapped Inspector Sakurai’s grabby hand away from the plate, causing the policeman to pout and whine dramatically.
Jun instantly picked up the plate and offered to the officer who grabbed two cookies at once and stuffed them into his mouth, making his cheeks bulge out like a squirrel with a mouth full of nuts.
After Sakurai swallowed his mouthful and brushed the crumbs from his lips he looked at Jun with a serious expression. “If you have a minute I need to talk to you in private please Jun-kun.”
Biting down nervously on his bottom lip Jun nodded his agreement, looking questioningly at Satoshi who indicated that they should go upstairs where they could speak without being disturbed.
Satoshi desperately wanted to join them, but he had come to realize that Jun needed to build his confidence and to do that he needed to be treated like an adult, not a child in need of a substitute father.
++++
“There have been reports of suspicious looking strangers in the area over the past few days. They told the hotel that they are here to enjoy some winter hiking and maybe that's actually why they're here. But they seemed to be paying a lot of attention to the area where you told me that you were abandoned,” Sakurai said.
Jun felt panic rising and his palms were suddenly slick with sweat. “Are you sure they are looking for me?”
“No, not at all. I just wanted to warn you to be careful.” Sakurai’s large round eyes conveyed his concern.
“What should I do? Should I hide? Should I leave?” Jun was terrified by the prospect of leaving but he didn't want to bring trouble to not only Satoshi, but to the wonderful people of the village. He rubbed his fingers over the soft wool of the sweater knitted by Aiba’s grandmother; it seemed to embody the caring nature of the villagers.
“Don't even think about it,” Satoshi said loudly from the doorway. He had quickly forgotten his resolve to stay out of their conversation. “There’s no way that you're going anywhere.“
“But if they have been sent by Father and discover that you've been sheltering me then you could be in terrible danger,” Jun said agitatedly. He had seen with his own eyes exactly what his father was capable of and he didn't want to bring that sort of rage and violence down on his friends.
“My men and I will protect you,” Sakurai said confidently.
“I'm sorry Sakurai-san, but I don't think you can,” Jun said. A cold sweat prickled his skin as he felt dizziness threaten to overwhelm him. “When I was small, my mother made me stay home from school because I was sick. She went out to buy me some cough medicine and while she was gone I came out of my bedroom and wandered around the house. There was a whole section that was off limits to me and I was bored and curious so I took the chance to explore.”
Sakurai and Satoshi exchanged worried glances behind Jun’s back. They could hear the fear and pain in his voice and see the trembling of his hands as he recounted his story, speaking as if he was in a dream, or to be more accurate, a nightmare.
“The door to the forbidden part of the house was ajar; someone must have been in too much of a hurry and forgot to lock it. I snuck in...the rooms smelt funny...almost sickly sweet and I could hear raised voices coming from the next room. And then I heard someone begging...begging for his life...pleading with Father to stop hurting him. I wanted to run, but I was frozen to the spot...no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make my feet move.”
Jun began to pace restlessly around the room as if to make up for his inability to move all those years ago.
“Then I heard a noise and the man’s pleading just stopped mid word. There was silence and then Father came out of the room. He had these little red dots on his face and the collar of his white shirt. His hands were red...red like blood...blood red...so much blood. He saw me and he got so angry...he hit me...hit me again and again…”
“Jun!” Satoshi reached out for him, but was restrained by Sakurai who knew that this was something that Jun had to get out of his system.
Jun was oddly unemotional as he continued to speak in a dull voice, “He kept hitting me and told me that it was all my fault for being where I shouldn't be...he said that if I ever told anyone about what I’d seen or heard then he would lock me in the basement and never let me out...his men just stood by and watched… they were scared of him too...I was only six years old…”
Jun turned to face the two men, his face looking as if all the blood had been drained from it, “Do you understand now what you're facing?”
Before either could respond Jun crumpled to the floor and lay there unmoving.
++++
Toma checked Jun’s pulse and frowned at what he felt. Satoshi and Sakurai were arguing quietly with each other on the far side of the room.
“I would really prefer it if I could transfer Jun-kun to my clinic. I have the equipment there to monitor his condition more closely.”
“No,” a small voice whispered from the bed. “Please don't make me.” Jun was barely awake but already showing signs of distress at the thought of being forced to leave the familiar surroundings of Satoshi’s cosy apartment.
“We aren't going to make you do anything that you don't want to,” Toma replied in a calm voice. “We just want to make sure that you are quite well.”
“I'm sorry to worry you all, but I'm perfectly fine,” Jun said. He tried to lever himself up out of Satoshi’s bed but nausea threatened to overwhelm him.
Toma saw Jun’s face turn to a shade of pale green and hastily snatched up the waste paper bin from beside the bed and held it out towards Jun just in time. He rubbed Jun’s back as he threw up in the bin, shoulders heaving, until there was nothing but bitter bile to eject from his trembling body.
Jun sank back on the mattress and allowed Toma to wipe down his face with a damp cloth. “I forgot that ever happened. How is that possible?”
“Sometimes when something is too terrible for us to handle our brain just shuts down. It was impossible for a child as young as you to be able to deal with that sort of trauma. The only way for you to cope was to lock the memory away,” Toma said gently.
“Does this mean that Jun knows more about his father's activities? That he might be able to assist us to finally take that monster down?” Sakurai asked eagerly.
Toma hastily glanced at Jun, relieved when he saw that he had fallen back into a restless doze. He grabbed Sakurai with one hand and Satoshi with the other, dragging them both out the bedroom and out of Jun’s hearing.
“You can't make Jun do that!” Satoshi protested angrily, keeping his voice low.
“I agree,” Toma said, earning an angry squawk from Sakurai.
Toma made hushing motions to the pair before continuing, “I think that Jun probably has a lot more repressed memories, but he needs to be handled with great care.”
“You can't seriously be agreeing with this,” Satoshi protested. He was tempted to gather Jun up into his arms, throw him in his car and just keep driving until they were far away from anywhere.
“The police force has psychologists who would be able to gather the information from Jun and help him at the same time,” Sakurai said. “I want Jun’s father to pay for what he’s done, but I also want Jun to be safe.”
“It’s too dangerous,” Satoshi said. “If Jun’s father gets wind of this then Jun could die.”
“He already wants me dead.” Jun was standing in the doorway on legs that looked too wobbly to support him. “I want to try.”
“I can arrange for the psychologist to come here,” Sakurai said, helping Toma to half carry Jun over to the sofa before he fell down.
“I…I think that I would like to try,” Jun said. He was sick of being afraid and jumping at shadows; if there was any way that he could help to get his father away from his mother and sister then he was going to find the courage to do it no matter what the cost to him personally.
Satoshi found himself frozen to the spot listening to the others making plans, his fear for Jun rendering him almost completely helpless.
++++
“Jun, are you sure about this? I saw how that horrifying memory affected you yesterday; do you really want to put yourself through that?” Satoshi pushed the plate of fried chicken that he’d prepared for their dinner further over towards Jun, trying to tempt him to eat just a little.
Jun, who was still looking extremely pale, reluctantly took one small piece and placed it on his mostly untouched bowl of rice. “I have to. Who else can save my mother and sister?”
“I’m just worried about the effect it will have on you,” Satoshi said. He understood that Jun was probably right, but he didn’t think that he could stand watching Jun suffer any further without saying something.
Jun scowled and looked down at his food, “There’s no need for you to worry about me.” He stood up abruptly, pushing his chair back noisily as he prepared to flee. Satoshi’s gentle concern was more than he could bear right now.
“But I do,” Satoshi said. He put down his chopsticks and stood up catching hold of Jun’s arm. “I can’t help it. I do care about you very much.”
Satoshi pulled Jun into his embrace, hugging him tightly against his chest. He could feel the rapid beating of Jun’s heart as he struggled slightly before relaxing into his arms. Jun dropped his head down on Satoshi’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around the older man.
“I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you,” Satoshi whispered in Jun’s ear.
Jun pulled back slightly and that stood gazing into each other’s eyes for an endless moment before they moved as one, their lips meeting in a tender kiss.
Satoshi pulled Jun closer as he explored the soft texture of his plump lips feeling his own heart racing as Jun sighed happily against his mouth and returned the kiss with equal feeling.
When Jun eventually pulled away his lips were red and his eyes were brimming with unshed tears. “That’s exactly how I feel about you and that’s why I have to go through with this,” he said, unconsciously standing a little straighter as he spoke. “I need to be able to put the past behind me and carve a future for myself where the people that I’m close to aren’t in any danger.”
Satoshi was still desperately worried, but he knew that there was no way to dissuade Jun from his chosen course of action. He only hoped that Inspector Sakurai and the police experts knew what they were doing; if anything happened to Jun he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions.
Genre: Romance, angst
Rating: PG to NC-17
Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Arashi or its members – this is a work of fiction.
Summary: Jun turned to face the two men, his face looking as if all the blood had been drained from it, “Do you understand now what you're facing?”
Before either could respond Jun crumpled to the floor and lay there unmoving.
Previously: CH 1, CH 2, CH 3
Jun knew that he was falling in love with the artist, but he was scared that he thought of him as too young and immature to even consider having a relationship with. He was afraid that he would soon get tired of him staying there and ask him to leave. He was trying to be indispensable and pay Satoshi back by working as hard as he could to help his business and home life run smoothly.
Satoshi was so caring and gentle, he put up with his sudden emotional outbursts without a complaint and his soft and pouty lips were just asking to be kissed. And as the weeks went by it was becoming harder all the time to prevent himself from doing so.
One day when Jun was bringing in yet another load of firewood he managed to drive a large splinter deep into the palm of his hand. As he dropped the wood with a yelp Satoshi came rushing over to help.
"Jun, what's wrong?"
"It's nothing," he winced in reply, gulping as Satoshi snatched up his hand to see for himself.
"It doesn't look like nothing to me."
“I’m fine," Jun protested, suddenly feeling quite hot as the older man gently stroked his wrist in a soothing gesture.
"Let me help. You don't want it to get infected do you?" Satoshi said, deliberately avoiding his eyes, afraid that Jun would recognize the tenderness in them.
Jun tried to pull his hand away but Satoshi’s grip was too strong and a tug-of-war commenced, tears springing into his eyes at the stinging pain in his palm as his hand went back-and-forth between their bodies, droplets of blood dripping onto the floor.
Seeing that he was hurting Jun, Satoshi instantly released his hand. “At least let me pull the splinter out for you.”
“I can do it myself,” Jun protested. He knew that he was acting childishly but he didn’t want Satoshi to touch him; he was afraid of embarrassing himself even further if he felt those beautifully formed and nimble fingers brushing over his skin.
Fortunately Toma walked in five minutes later in search of coffee, while they were still arguing.
When Satoshi saw him he dragged a protesting Jun over to him and watched closely as Toma removed the splinter and dressed the wound.
Toma looked at the pair of them, shaking his head in dismay at their poor attempts to disguise their feelings.
For the rest of the day Satoshi made a fuss over Jun, plying him with treats as if he was a small child in need of comfort.
“Cookie?” Satoshi asked, holding a plate under Jun’s nose.
“No thanks,” Jun said with a sigh. It was the fourth time Satoshi had offered them to him in the last five minutes. His hand was still stinging but he was sure that he could find some sort of work to do, but Satoshi was insisting on him sitting at the table nearest to the counter so that he could keep him under his watchful gaze.
“Are those Nino’s special cranberry cookies?”
Satoshi slapped Inspector Sakurai’s grabby hand away from the plate, causing the policeman to pout and whine dramatically.
Jun instantly picked up the plate and offered to the officer who grabbed two cookies at once and stuffed them into his mouth, making his cheeks bulge out like a squirrel with a mouth full of nuts.
After Sakurai swallowed his mouthful and brushed the crumbs from his lips he looked at Jun with a serious expression. “If you have a minute I need to talk to you in private please Jun-kun.”
Biting down nervously on his bottom lip Jun nodded his agreement, looking questioningly at Satoshi who indicated that they should go upstairs where they could speak without being disturbed.
Satoshi desperately wanted to join them, but he had come to realize that Jun needed to build his confidence and to do that he needed to be treated like an adult, not a child in need of a substitute father.
++++
“There have been reports of suspicious looking strangers in the area over the past few days. They told the hotel that they are here to enjoy some winter hiking and maybe that's actually why they're here. But they seemed to be paying a lot of attention to the area where you told me that you were abandoned,” Sakurai said.
Jun felt panic rising and his palms were suddenly slick with sweat. “Are you sure they are looking for me?”
“No, not at all. I just wanted to warn you to be careful.” Sakurai’s large round eyes conveyed his concern.
“What should I do? Should I hide? Should I leave?” Jun was terrified by the prospect of leaving but he didn't want to bring trouble to not only Satoshi, but to the wonderful people of the village. He rubbed his fingers over the soft wool of the sweater knitted by Aiba’s grandmother; it seemed to embody the caring nature of the villagers.
“Don't even think about it,” Satoshi said loudly from the doorway. He had quickly forgotten his resolve to stay out of their conversation. “There’s no way that you're going anywhere.“
“But if they have been sent by Father and discover that you've been sheltering me then you could be in terrible danger,” Jun said agitatedly. He had seen with his own eyes exactly what his father was capable of and he didn't want to bring that sort of rage and violence down on his friends.
“My men and I will protect you,” Sakurai said confidently.
“I'm sorry Sakurai-san, but I don't think you can,” Jun said. A cold sweat prickled his skin as he felt dizziness threaten to overwhelm him. “When I was small, my mother made me stay home from school because I was sick. She went out to buy me some cough medicine and while she was gone I came out of my bedroom and wandered around the house. There was a whole section that was off limits to me and I was bored and curious so I took the chance to explore.”
Sakurai and Satoshi exchanged worried glances behind Jun’s back. They could hear the fear and pain in his voice and see the trembling of his hands as he recounted his story, speaking as if he was in a dream, or to be more accurate, a nightmare.
“The door to the forbidden part of the house was ajar; someone must have been in too much of a hurry and forgot to lock it. I snuck in...the rooms smelt funny...almost sickly sweet and I could hear raised voices coming from the next room. And then I heard someone begging...begging for his life...pleading with Father to stop hurting him. I wanted to run, but I was frozen to the spot...no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make my feet move.”
Jun began to pace restlessly around the room as if to make up for his inability to move all those years ago.
“Then I heard a noise and the man’s pleading just stopped mid word. There was silence and then Father came out of the room. He had these little red dots on his face and the collar of his white shirt. His hands were red...red like blood...blood red...so much blood. He saw me and he got so angry...he hit me...hit me again and again…”
“Jun!” Satoshi reached out for him, but was restrained by Sakurai who knew that this was something that Jun had to get out of his system.
Jun was oddly unemotional as he continued to speak in a dull voice, “He kept hitting me and told me that it was all my fault for being where I shouldn't be...he said that if I ever told anyone about what I’d seen or heard then he would lock me in the basement and never let me out...his men just stood by and watched… they were scared of him too...I was only six years old…”
Jun turned to face the two men, his face looking as if all the blood had been drained from it, “Do you understand now what you're facing?”
Before either could respond Jun crumpled to the floor and lay there unmoving.
++++
Toma checked Jun’s pulse and frowned at what he felt. Satoshi and Sakurai were arguing quietly with each other on the far side of the room.
“I would really prefer it if I could transfer Jun-kun to my clinic. I have the equipment there to monitor his condition more closely.”
“No,” a small voice whispered from the bed. “Please don't make me.” Jun was barely awake but already showing signs of distress at the thought of being forced to leave the familiar surroundings of Satoshi’s cosy apartment.
“We aren't going to make you do anything that you don't want to,” Toma replied in a calm voice. “We just want to make sure that you are quite well.”
“I'm sorry to worry you all, but I'm perfectly fine,” Jun said. He tried to lever himself up out of Satoshi’s bed but nausea threatened to overwhelm him.
Toma saw Jun’s face turn to a shade of pale green and hastily snatched up the waste paper bin from beside the bed and held it out towards Jun just in time. He rubbed Jun’s back as he threw up in the bin, shoulders heaving, until there was nothing but bitter bile to eject from his trembling body.
Jun sank back on the mattress and allowed Toma to wipe down his face with a damp cloth. “I forgot that ever happened. How is that possible?”
“Sometimes when something is too terrible for us to handle our brain just shuts down. It was impossible for a child as young as you to be able to deal with that sort of trauma. The only way for you to cope was to lock the memory away,” Toma said gently.
“Does this mean that Jun knows more about his father's activities? That he might be able to assist us to finally take that monster down?” Sakurai asked eagerly.
Toma hastily glanced at Jun, relieved when he saw that he had fallen back into a restless doze. He grabbed Sakurai with one hand and Satoshi with the other, dragging them both out the bedroom and out of Jun’s hearing.
“You can't make Jun do that!” Satoshi protested angrily, keeping his voice low.
“I agree,” Toma said, earning an angry squawk from Sakurai.
Toma made hushing motions to the pair before continuing, “I think that Jun probably has a lot more repressed memories, but he needs to be handled with great care.”
“You can't seriously be agreeing with this,” Satoshi protested. He was tempted to gather Jun up into his arms, throw him in his car and just keep driving until they were far away from anywhere.
“The police force has psychologists who would be able to gather the information from Jun and help him at the same time,” Sakurai said. “I want Jun’s father to pay for what he’s done, but I also want Jun to be safe.”
“It’s too dangerous,” Satoshi said. “If Jun’s father gets wind of this then Jun could die.”
“He already wants me dead.” Jun was standing in the doorway on legs that looked too wobbly to support him. “I want to try.”
“I can arrange for the psychologist to come here,” Sakurai said, helping Toma to half carry Jun over to the sofa before he fell down.
“I…I think that I would like to try,” Jun said. He was sick of being afraid and jumping at shadows; if there was any way that he could help to get his father away from his mother and sister then he was going to find the courage to do it no matter what the cost to him personally.
Satoshi found himself frozen to the spot listening to the others making plans, his fear for Jun rendering him almost completely helpless.
++++
“Jun, are you sure about this? I saw how that horrifying memory affected you yesterday; do you really want to put yourself through that?” Satoshi pushed the plate of fried chicken that he’d prepared for their dinner further over towards Jun, trying to tempt him to eat just a little.
Jun, who was still looking extremely pale, reluctantly took one small piece and placed it on his mostly untouched bowl of rice. “I have to. Who else can save my mother and sister?”
“I’m just worried about the effect it will have on you,” Satoshi said. He understood that Jun was probably right, but he didn’t think that he could stand watching Jun suffer any further without saying something.
Jun scowled and looked down at his food, “There’s no need for you to worry about me.” He stood up abruptly, pushing his chair back noisily as he prepared to flee. Satoshi’s gentle concern was more than he could bear right now.
“But I do,” Satoshi said. He put down his chopsticks and stood up catching hold of Jun’s arm. “I can’t help it. I do care about you very much.”
Satoshi pulled Jun into his embrace, hugging him tightly against his chest. He could feel the rapid beating of Jun’s heart as he struggled slightly before relaxing into his arms. Jun dropped his head down on Satoshi’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around the older man.
“I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you,” Satoshi whispered in Jun’s ear.
Jun pulled back slightly and that stood gazing into each other’s eyes for an endless moment before they moved as one, their lips meeting in a tender kiss.
Satoshi pulled Jun closer as he explored the soft texture of his plump lips feeling his own heart racing as Jun sighed happily against his mouth and returned the kiss with equal feeling.
When Jun eventually pulled away his lips were red and his eyes were brimming with unshed tears. “That’s exactly how I feel about you and that’s why I have to go through with this,” he said, unconsciously standing a little straighter as he spoke. “I need to be able to put the past behind me and carve a future for myself where the people that I’m close to aren’t in any danger.”
Satoshi was still desperately worried, but he knew that there was no way to dissuade Jun from his chosen course of action. He only hoped that Inspector Sakurai and the police experts knew what they were doing; if anything happened to Jun he wouldn’t be responsible for his actions.
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Thanks for sharing 💜💙
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But at least he and Ohno made a tiny step forwards.
Thanks for reading.
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Thanks for reading <3
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Thanks for reading
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Poor baby though :-( I mean, he is obviously so traumatized, and so scared. It's heartbreaking to imagine that he is afraid of his own father, and that his father wants to see him dead. Also to imagine what he went through as a child. His father has the be one of the worst guys ever. Not only did he kill, he also beat up a sick child. And tried to kill his son!
I hope Sho can truly help him. I think Sho is right, it's probably the only option they have. And I can understand Jun so well too. He wants to protect Satoshi and his sister and mother, and he wants to stop running away. He wants to have a future.
Satoshi and Jun are so sweet though. I love Satoshi fussing over Jun. And then, finally, they confessed and kissed <3
Thanks so much for this update!! ♥
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It took them a long time, but I think they are finally admitting that they have feelings.
This story just keeps on getting longer and longer (sorry, since I promised you virgin Jun/Ohno sexy times, but it will happen once things are calmer).
*hugs*
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and....tantananaaaaaaan!!! You just sent me to heaven with that Juntoshi moment... <3 <3 <3 I think they only need to clarify their feelings because if they don't, it will be more confusing and frustrating for Jun if he cannot hear what Satoshi really feels... awwwwww You won't make this difficult for them to be together, right? hehehehehe *puppy eyes
I love you and thanks for this update, dear! <3
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*runs and hides under rock*
Love you too.
*hugs*
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But reading Jun's story about his father killing people and then hitting Jun is just urgh,,, I hope karma will hit him badly. I can't imagine Jun's trauma especially at the young age... poor him.
Jun's decision to help the police is admirable, even in his condition, and I also agree with the others that it might help Jun to overcome his trauma. I think with him feeling he's making a different will greatly help his self-esteem later on. And also his cruel father need to be stopped.
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They are both in love but it's really hard for them to take the next step until things are more settled.
*hugs*
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I figured that the poor things had enough drama surrounding them, so they needed to express themselves as simply as possible.