learashi

Pairing: Sakumoto

Genre: Angst ( a tiny bit)

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I make no claim over Arashi - but I do own these words

Summary: He was worried at Jun's almost otherworldly detachment; he still seemed to be caught up in his dreams; hiding behind an invisible barrier that even he couldn't fully penetrate.

Notes: This follows on from The Bird and The Water . Please enjoy this third and final part.

Jun felt quite detached as he sat in the wheelchair and watched Sho bustle around packing up his meagre belongings. The sun was shining brightly through the window of his hospital room and he was forced to screw up his eyes as he looked to the ledge seeking the bird that had comforted him when he was at his lowest ebb.

The rational part of his mind told him that it was nothing more than an illusion created by him during a dream while in a comatose state but deep down he believed that it was real; a tiny beacon of hope that had tempered his frustrations when he was unable to communicate with anyone outside the world that existed entirely within his own head.

He had spoken of it to nobody, not even Sho. He was worried that they already thought of him as fragile and unstable and this would only strengthen their convictions.

xx

The ride home was disorienting for Jun; the car they were travelling in seemed to be moving at a tremendous speed making him clutch nervously at the edge of his seat and the noise of the city made his head ache almost immediately.

Sho noticed Jun biting his lip and flinching at every passing car. He reached across and took Jun's trembling hand into his own, squeezing it comfortingly as the driver negotiated his way through the crowded streets.

He was worried at Jun's almost otherworldly detachment; he still seemed to be caught up in his dreams; hiding behind an invisible barrier that even he couldn't fully penetrate.

xx

Jun was breathing hard by the time he reached the front door of his apartment; even such a short walk from the elevator had worn him out. Sho was hovering protectively by his side as if itching to lift him into his arms and carry him but he was enjoying the feeling of being mobile after being confined to a bed for such a long time.

As Sho returned to the car to retrieve their bags (Sho had insisted on staying with Jun for a few days to make sure that he settled in well) Jun sank down onto his sofa and allowed the calm to wash over him. He felt safe here surrounded by familiar things and he felt able to relax and breathe easily for the first time in what felt like forever.

xx

Jun only knew that he had dozed off when the sound of Sho speaking to someone in the doorway made him jerk upright with a start.

Before he could gather his thoughts he found himself engulfed in an all-encompassing hug as Aiba wrapped his thin but surprisingly strong arms around him as he plopped down beside him. For a moment Jun felt panic rising in his body as he felt trapped once again, his limbs jerking in fear and the need to be free.

Aiba sensed this and loosened his grip slightly as he rocked Jun and hummed tunelessly in his ear until he felt him relax into his embrace. “We’ve missed you so very much,” Aiba said before planting a sloppy kiss on Jun’s cheek.

Sho could see Jun looking pleased but also slightly dazed and stepped in to suggest that Aiba go with him to buy some groceries. The fridge had been emptied of any perishables by Jun’s manager and Sho knew that Jun was going to need lots of fresh healthy food to build his strength back up.

“Will you be okay by yourself for a bit?” Sho asked after Aiba disappeared into the kitchen to make a shopping list. He sat at a careful distance away from Jun and took his hand, wincing internally as Jun pulled away as if startled by the contact.

“Mmm,” Jun replied quietly. After being alone for so long it was hard to him to come to terms with being around other people and even harder for him to not shy away from the physical comfort they were offering him.

xx

When the doorbell rang fifteen minutes later Jun didn't hear it at first. He was still experiencing a strange feeling of detachment. His stay in hospital had been so very lonely but now that his friends were trying to spend time with him he couldn't help wanting to push them away. Perhaps it was because he had been so near to leaving them and had found peace in that decision.

He knew by the insistent ringing that his visitor was not going to give up so easily and allow him his peaceful solitude so he carefully eased himself up and shuffled over to the door.

"About time," Nino grumbled as he pushed his way past into the apartment.

Ohno, who was one step behind said nothing, merely placing his hands on Jun' s shoulders and looking into his eyes as if gauging his state of well-being. His gentle touch didn't make Jun pull away; it made him feel warm all over even though Ohno was barely making contact.

Ohno sat on the sofa next to Jun, still silent as he radiated an aura of calm strength and an almost fatherly concern towards his youngest band mate.

Nino on the other hand, continued to grumble as he dropped himself down on the other side.

"I hope you are going to react faster than that when you get back to work. Almost dying on us is no excuse whatsoever. While you've been lying around in a relaxing coma the rest of us have been having to take up the slack you know." Nino's words were harsh but as he spoke his voice trembled and his body was a taut as a tightly stretched wire.

Jun tentatively moved his hand so that the side of his pinkie finger was touching against Nino's. It was as much contact as he could bear and Nino seemed to understand this as he returned the movement with a slight pressure of his own small finger against Jun"s.

xx

Alba and Sho returned laden with enough groceries to feed all five of them for a month.

"We didn't know what you felt like eating so we bought lots," Aiba said in response to Nino's bemused stare.

"More like you bought everything," Nino said.

As the other four began to bicker good-naturedly around him Jun had a hazy recollection of conversations like this wafting over his head when he had been unable to respond. His friends had not deserted him as he had believed; if anything he had been the one to desert them.

"I shouldn't have decided to leave you. It was selfish of me."

Jun's abrupt words halted all conversation.

"Jun?" Sho asked puzzledly.

Nino and Aiba exchanged a glance before Sho added, "But it was an accident. You slipped and fell."

But it was Ohno who understood Jun exactly as he spoke for the first time, "You were gravely ill and suffering for a very long time before you reached that point. Nobody could blame you for making that decision. But at the very end you chose to stay with us and we will all be grateful for the rest of our lives for every extra moment that we get to spend with you."

As he spoke Ohno reached out and softly brushed Jun's hair back from his face; it had grown rather long while he had been in hospital.

The other three looked stricken as the meaning of Ohno's words sunk in, especially Sho who, even though he was closest to Jun and loved him with all his heart had no idea that he had made a conscious decision to give up on living. "Jun? Baby is this true?"

Ohno made way for Sho to take his place on the sofa next to Jun but Nino steadfastly refused to leave his position next to Jun's other side, glaring at Ohno when he jerked his head at him.

"I just wanted to escape from the situation I was in. I didn't want to have to struggle anymore. I wanted to fly."

At those words Aiba gasped and made to lunge towards Jun but Ohno wrapped his arms around him and held him steady.

"That would have been extremely selfish of you," Nino said. "Then I would have missed the old man nearly having a heart attack when Sho told him that he loves you and doesn't want the agency to stand in the way of you having a relationship and that he needs to give you more recovery time before he makes you go back to work."

Jun's eyes became wide as he looked at Sho. " You told him all that?"

"Just yesterday when we knew that you were finally coming home," Aiba said. "And we were there too."

It was all a bit too much for Jun to take in and he felt his head spinning.

Ohno nodded, "We told him that he was lucky that you didn't sue him for the accident and that if he wanted to try and stop you two being together then we would all go on strike."

"You would do that for me?"

"Of course you idiot," Nino said with a fond smile. "Arashi is the five of us or nothing; you should know that by now."

The others all nodded at looked at Jun with so much love that he thought that his heart would explode.

"Plus I need as many people as possible between me and Aiba to stop me from strangling him when he annoys the crap out of me," Nino said with a twinkle in his eyes.

As Aiba protested and Ohno refereed their playful fight Sho whispered, "I hope you understand now just how loved you actually are; not just by me, but the others too."

Jun could only nod, the lump in his throat made it impossible for him to speak.

xx

The teasing chatter of his friends flowed over and around Jun blanketing him with a feeling of calm. As he gazed outside a bird landed on the railing of the balcony. It was small and stared at him with a knowing eye. The shape of its body was identical to the bird in his dreams but instead of a dull brown this one was a greyish green with a bright orange head and throat and it looked at him with eyes like shiny little black beads. It inclined its head as if inviting him to join it, so soar freely away from his responsibilities or troubles, to enjoy a freedom that he hadn't known since before he joined the agency.

But Jun shook his head and watched as the bird fluffed its feathers in response and flew away into the clear blue sky all alone.

Surrounded as he was by all those that were dear to him and the one that he loved and loved him in return Jun was happy to just observe the bird becoming an ever smaller dot in the distance before taking Sho's hand firm!y in his and laughing along with the others as his chest was filled with a spreading feeling of warmth.