A Small Truth
Feb. 13th, 2017 07:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
learashi Pairing: Sakumoto, Ohmiya (minor)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, itsy bit of emotional angst
Disclaimer: Still don't own Arashi, no matter how hard I try.
Summary: Jun stumbled and ended up with his arms around Sho's neck, their lips almost touching. Jun flinched and pushed himself away, swaying alarmingly as he said, "I don't feel very well. Can you make the room stop spinning?"
A/N: This is a Sakumoto follow-up story to A Small Gap. These events happen a few weeks later and revolve around Sakumoto’s uneasy relationship. Hi![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lilly0 I never can resist when you ask me to write something especially when Sakumoto are involved. I hope you like it.
Sho was just entering the restaurant when his phone buzzed. His date glared at him as he made to answer it.
"Leave it. You're supposed to be with me," she hissed.
"You know that's not possible," he replied, realizing that it was Jun who was calling.
He motioned for her to go in by herself as he took the call and walked out of earshot. It had been a long time since Jun had voluntarily called him outside of work time.
If anything, the distance between them had increased since Ohno and Nino had become a couple.
"Jun?"
"Um...is this Sakurai Sho-san?"
Sho didn't recognize the caller's voice at all. "Who are you and why have you got Jun's phone?"
He could barely hear the answer over the racing of his own heart.
"I'm the manager of the Velvet Bar." The man had to raise his voice to be heard over the excited babble of voices in the background. "Your bandmate Matsumoto-san is here."
"Well, that's wonderful for your business, but I don't quite understand why you have his phone or why you're calling me." Sho was irritated by the way that he'd panicked when first receiving the call.
"He's had a lot to drink. So, um, maybe you should come and get him?"
What?
"Hang on," Sho said, suddenly feeling out of his depth. "Are you saying that Jun is there, at the bar? Who's he got with him?"
"No one. That's why I'm calling you."
"And he's been drinking?" Jun was never one to lose control in public. Sho was beginning to think that this was some sort of joke.
"Enough to sink the Titanic. And he's been buying rounds for everyone in the bar." The man sounded apologetic as he said, "I think that it would be bad for all of you if this was to get out. I think he needs to get home and sort himself out."
"Let me speak with him." The man sounded very convincing but Sho wanted to reassure himself that this was genuine and that Jun really did need his help.
"He won't come to the phone. He's up on the pool table right now, doing his Christina Aguilera impression." He sighed. "Again."
"Jun would never do that."
"Hang on. Listen."
Sho listened as the manager angled the phone - presumably - in the direction of the pool table. His blood ran cold as he heard a voice that was unmistakably Jun's bellowing out. "Because I'mmmmmmm beeeeeyyyooo-deeefullll..."
Crap.
"I'll be right there," said Sho.
Sho's date hadn't gone into the restaurant. Instead she was standing with her arms crossed and tapping one foot impatiently on the ground. "Be right where?" She screwed her face up petulantly as she spoke.
"Sorry, but something important has come up and I have to leave right now."
"If you leave, don't think that you can come back. I'm sick of you always putting other people first. As far as I'm concerned, we're over," she snapped.
Sho didn't hesitate for a second, his heart suddenly much lighter for the first time since he'd begun dating her at his parents’ request. Waving her goodbye, Sho spun on his heel and ran back to his car, desperate to go and stop Jun from making things any worse. He didn't forget to call for a taxi to pick up his ex-date though, he had nothing against her personally; it wasn't her fault that she wasn't the person whom he loved.
++++
The whole bar seemed to be swaying in time to Jun's gyrations on the pool table. He was singing a duet of "Islands in The Stream" with an obviously intoxicated salaryman who was doing his best to impersonate Dolly Parton.
The bar staff apologized profusely. "We tried to make him come down, but he just kept ordering bottles of champagne for everyone and singing."
"It's not your fault," Sho said as he walked over and attempted to catch Jun's attention. "I think we should go home now."
Jun looked at him muzzily, " Shoooooo, that not why I told him to ring you. I wanted you to sing with meeeeee."
"I will sing with you, but not just now. I think it's safest if you come down from there."
"I'm fine...ooops."
Sho managed to grab Jun's hand just in time and steady him before he fell headfirst off the table. "Please, before you get hurt."
"No. I'm singing ," Jun said defiantly. "I'm fantastic."
"Of course you are, but sometimes it's better to leave your audience wanting more." Reaching up Sho managed to prise the microphone from Jun's hand and seize him by the wrist. "Now just climb down onto this chair, and down again...that's it, excellent. Now let's get you outside and into some fresh air."
Jun stumbled and ended up with his arms around Sho's neck, their lips almost touching. Jun flinched and pushed himself away, swaying alarmingly as he said, "I don't feel very well. Can you make the room stop spinning?"
"My car is just outside. You'll feel better sitting down." Sho thanked the staff and steered Jun towards the exit.
"I'm sleepy," Jun whined as Sho tried to steer him towards the car.
"You can sleep in a minute. First tell me why you did this."
"Why should I tell you?" Jun replied. "You aren't usually ever even slightly interested in what I have to say."
Not wanting to fight with Jun when he was in this state, Sho chose not to reply; instead he tried to get him to sit in the passenger seat.
It was like trying to pack a live eel into a box, but eventually all of his limbs were safely inside the car and the door was closed.
"You... reaally nice..."
"What?" Sho couldn't quite catch what Jun was talking about, but the younger man was already asleep.
++++
It had taken all of Sho's patience to get Jun out of the car and up to his apartment. Fortunately the concierge at his building was trained to strictly turn a blind eye to any strange carry-on's from their exclusive clientele.
Getting Jun undressed was even more difficult owing to the fact that every time Sho touched him he burst into fits of uncontrolled giggles and wriggled around.
Much to Sho's shame, the sight of a half-naked giggling Jun was having quite an effect on his nether regions. By the time Jun was undressed and tucked in bed Sho was more than half hard.
Sho gave himself a mental shake and went to spend the rest of the night on the sofa, leaving the bedroom door open so he could hear if Jun had a problem and needed his help.
++++
An hour or so later Sho was jolted awake by a loud crashing noise followed by a yelp of pain.
Jun was reeling around the bedroom simultaneously trying to cradle his foot and cover his mouth.
"Jun?"
"Urrghh, sick."
"It's okay. I've got you." Sho grabbed Jun's elbow and hastily steered him into the bathroom, just managing to get him to the toilet in time as he threw up.
Eventually Jun's stomach was empty and he collapsed onto the tiled floor, his attention now turned to his little toe which was throbbing painfully from where he'd cracked it against the end of Sho's bed in his haste to find the bathroom.
"Ow."
"Is it this one?" Sho asked as he prodded the swollen toe with more force than absolutely necessary, angry at Jun for allowing himself to get into this state.
"OW!"
"Once we get you cleaned up, I'll fetch some ice."
Jun was glaring at him fiercely, which would have been more intimidating if he hadn't been lying on the bathroom floor wearing too-big pyjamas and coated in small bits of sick, some of which were clinging to the ends of his hair.
After quite a struggle which left Sho almost as wet as Jun, the younger man was finally in the tub, wearing a petulant expression as Sho washed his hair.
Much to Sho's dismay tears began to trickle down Jun's cheeks.
"Jun, is everything okay?"
"You got soap in my eyes."
Sho knew that this wasn't true as he'd been particularly careful knowing that Jun's eyes were quite sensitive. It always pained him to see Jun removing his contacts from his red and irritated eyes at the end of another long day and sighing with relief as he slipped his glasses onto his nose. It angered Sho that management refused to allow Jun to wear his glasses in public; in his opinion he was certainly much more handsome when he wore them.
++++
Fortunately the next day was a rest day for both of them. Sho had been unable to sleep, waking every few minutes and listening for signs that Jun was being sick again. He was terrified that he would choke; he had never seen Jun as drunk as this before.
His fears had been realized when he heard Jun coughing in his sleep and he'd once again had to rush him to the toilet. Fortunately there wasn't much for him to throw up, only the water that Sho had forced him to drink in the hopes of stopping him from becoming dehydrated.
They had both finally fallen asleep at around five o'clock, both sleeping fitfully and tossing in their respective beds.
Sho woke first and headed to the bathroom for a shower, sneaking past Jun who was still asleep, tangled up in the bed linens and snoring loudly. He tried to not look too closely at his own haggard reflection in the mirror as he brushed his teeth and ran a comb through his hair. After slipping on a comfortably worn pair of jeans and an oversized souvenir t-shirt he decided to make some food for them both.
Knowing that Jun was likely to have a killer hangover he decided to just fry some eggs and make some toast. Even though his cooking ability was a running joke, since moving out of his parents’ house he'd managed to master some basic skills. Living off takeaway was bad for his health, as Jun would constantly nag. Or at least he had, until recently, when he'd virtually stopped talking to him at all.
++++
"That smells...edible," Jun yawned as he shuffled into the kitchen, obviously lured by the smell of brewing coffee.
"Eggs, toast, juice," Sho said as he put each item in front of Jun, who had managed to shakily take a seat at the counter.
"Coffee?"
"Nope. You know it upsets your stomach when you've already been sick."
"Fine," Jun huffed sulkily as he took a gulp of his juice, almost choking himself in the process.
Sho rushed over and slapped his back, relieved when Jun took a shuddering breath. "Try not to kill yourself."
"As if you'd care if I did." Jun suddenly found his plate of food endlessly fascinating as he gazed at it, refusing to meet Sho's astonished stare.
"Jun, you know that I care about you."
"But just not in the way that I want you to. I know, you've told me often enough." Jun immediately blushed, horrified that he'd spoken out loud.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Thanks for the food and for bringing me home last night. I think I may have had a little bit too much to drink."
"Riiiight," Sho said as he topped up Jun's glass and slid a packet of painkillers across the benchtop towards him.
Jun grudgingly took two with his juice and picked at the toast and eggs, his face turning slightly green as he forced a few bites down. Unfortunately the food didn’t stay down for long, as he made yet another dash to the bathroom.
Sho tried to follow, to make sure that Jun was all right, but found the door locked when he tried to enter. “Jun? Is everything okay?”
“No. It’s not okay. You are having a conversation with me while I’m throwing up…”
++++
After half an hour a still very bedraggled looking Jun emerged from the bathroom. Freshly showered and with perfectly clean teeth, but with hair sticking out in every direction, still with the faintest of green tinges around his face and his eyes squinting shut as if his head was about to drop off.
Sho had left him a pile of fresh clothes in the bedroom for him to change into, which Jun had initially greeted with disdain, but he was left with no other choice but to change into the tracksuit pants and sweatshirt that engulfed his frame.
“I don’t think you should go home until you’re feeling better.” Sho thought Jun looked even thinner than ever in the overlarge clothes. “I don’t like the idea of you being alone.”
Jun looked at him sceptically but for once held his tongue, merely nodding his agreement and allowing Sho to steer him into the living room and onto the couch.
“I’ll throw your clothes into the machine and maybe we could just watch some movies until you feel better? And when you do, I could try and make you some more food?” Sho asked nervously.
Jun was obviously still feeling too fragile to bother arguing, taking the replacement painkillers with a sip of water and slumping into a heap in the corner of the sofa.
Sho knew exactly what Jun was referring to when he’d argued earlier that he didn’t care in the right way. The problem was that he actually did care but he just hadn’t yet figured out a way to say it.
++++
After propping Jun’s foot up on the end of the sofa and pressing an icepack to his still swollen toe, Sho sat beside him and picked up the remotes for the TV and DVD players. “Movie?”
Taking Jun’s nod as assent, Sho started the film going, but to be perfectly honest he did even have the faintest idea which one it was. Jun was almost brushing against the side of his arm, much closer than he’d been for weeks and it was somehow making it hard for him to breathe.
With a small sigh, Jun slowly fell asleep once again, his body sagging against Sho’s as he slid down on the sofa. Unable to help himself Sho allowed Jun’s head to come to rest on his lap, carefully removing his glasses as he drifted into sleep.
Jun looked so vulnerable and so very young when like this, his long lashes brushing over his pale cheeks. Sho knew that he owed Jun an explanation and apology for his behaviour, but first he would let him sleep.
++++
“What the crap are you doing?” Jun screeched, jolting Sho awake.
Sho’s fingers were tangled in Jun’s uncombed hair where he’d been running them through it, enjoying the silky texture; apparently he’d fallen asleep himself while doing it. “Um…I…”
“Why is my head in your lap?”
“We must have both fallen asleep. I couldn’t sleep much last night. I had to watch you to make sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit.” Sho hadn’t meant to tell Jun off, but his embarrassment at being caught touching Jun’s hair made him go on the attack.
“I wasn’t that drunk,” Jun said indignantly as he pulled himself up off Sho’s lap and moved as far away as possible, turning to face him with a lethal glare.
“Oh, really Jun, or should I say Christina?”
Jun’s face slowly suffused with red as he remembered snippets of the previous evening.
“I was really worried about you. I’ve never seen you that drunk before. Why would you do that?”
“Why are you that concerned about me? I thought we were just strictly bandmates?”
“Because I love you.”
++++
After the words popped out of Sho’s mouth, everything seemed frozen in time. Jun was looking at him disbelievingly; the frown line between his brows even deeper than it had been before.
“You love me?”
“Yes.”
“You. Love. Me.”
“Yes.”
“Is this some new form of torture that you’ve just come up with?” Jun was now trying to get up from the sofa, but Sho had a firm grip on his arm and wouldn’t allow him to stand. “Because I thought that you were pretty clear on that weekend we were away for work together when I confessed my feelings and you just looked at me like I’d grown an extra head.”
“I didn’t know what to say…”
“I think you said quite enough. I believe that the words ‘juvenile crush’ came out of your mouth, swiftly followed by ‘keeping things strictly professional’.”
“I panicked.”
“You didn’t look like you were panicking from my position. You looked quite calm and sure of your rejection of me.”
"I needed time..."
"Well I've used that time to get over you. You have no right to love me now." Jun yelled, pulling away from Sho's grasp and fleeing from the apartment.
++++
Nino was almost knocked off his feet as Jun burst into his apartment. Jun toed off his shoes and went straight to refrigerator and grabbed a beer before he flung himself angrily down on the couch.
"Hello to you too," Nino snarked. "Would you like something to drink?" he asked sarcastically, gesturing towards the beer.
"Shut up. This is all your fault, you and Ohno's."
"What's my fault?" Ohno asked sleepily as he emerged from Nino's bedroom wearing nothing but a sagging pair of boxer shorts. He scratched his butt as he shuffled over and wrapped his arms around Nino's waist, resting his head heavily on his shoulder.
"This!" Jun replied angrily, some of the beer sloshing onto the couch as he waved his hand wildly around. "You two and your disgustingly blissful happiness have obviously been giving Sho strange ideas."
"Sho?" Ohno asked sharply, suddenly paying attention. "Did he say something horrible to you again? Because if he did I am prepared to unleash Nino on him for you."
Nino nodded vigorously, fully prepared to defend his friend. They were all now aware of the fact that Jun had hesitantly opened his heart to Sho and had it firmly crushed in return.
Nino looked keenly at Jun, checking his emotional state, frowning when he noticed his badly bruised toe. "Jun, what happened to your foot?"
"It's all Sho's fault," Jun pouted.
"Did he hurt you?"
"Not directly..."
"Jun, you need to tell us what happened before Nino flips out," Ohno said, placing a calming hand on Nino's arm.
"I had a couple of drinks last night and Sho picked me up and drove me back to his place."
"So you were drunk."
"He seemed to think so, but I think he overreacted."
"How drunk?" Ohno asked.
"Christina drunk?" asked Nino.
"Well...yes..."
"So he rescued you from making a fool of yourself in public and took you home to take care of you?"
"I guess so..." Jun mumbled.
"And your toe?"
"I stubbed it in the middle of the night looking for the bathroom."
"You were throwing up weren't you?"
"A bit..."
"And Sho helped you?"
"Kind of..."
"And then?"
Jun was beginning to look more uncomfortable as the conversation went on, but felt compelled to answer truthfully. "He made me breakfast and then we watched a movie..."
"The animal!" Nino cried dramatically and sarcastically.
"I don't see the problem so far," Ohno said, poking Nino to get him to shut up.
Jun gulped down the rest of his beer before squeezing out the words that he'd been dreading. "I fell asleep on the sofa and when I woke up he was touching me…”
"What?!" Nino and Ohno were perfectly in sync.
At that moment there was a loud banging on the door.
Sho called out, “Jun, I know you’re there. You can’t just run away from me like that!”
Jun immediately looked cornered; his eyes brimming with unshed tears. With a sob he rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it behind him.
"I will kill him!" Nino was not joking as he headed towards the front door. Ohno grabbed him from behind, kissed his neck and turned him around to squeeze him tightly before steering him over to the couch and pushing him down.
“Let me handle this.”
Ohno stalked over to the door and flung it open, catching Sho by surprise.
Sho was even more surprised when Ohno grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him roughly inside before slamming the door behind him.
++++
“What did you do to Jun this time?” Nino hissed from the couch, not wanting to upset Jun any further with the sounds of their argument.
“I…I know I shouldn’t have said it like that…but…”
“Not what you said. What did you do to him on the couch?” Ohno asked as he stood with his arms crossed over his chest.
“I…stroked his hair after he fell asleep on my lap.” Sho looked slightly ashamed as he spoke.
“Is that all? Then why is he so desperately upset?”
“Oh, and then I told him that I loved him.”
“You told him what?”
"That I love him.” Sho replied calmly before adding defiantly, "I really do, you know."
++++
Sho walked over the couch and dropped down heavily, rubbing his hands over his face despairingly. "I truly love him, but I think I've blown it. I can't make him even listen to me, let alone believe me when I tell him that."
"That's because when he confessed to you brushed him off." Nino moved as far away from Sho as the couch would allow.
"Can you help me? I promise not to hurt him. If he rejects me then I promise to leave him alone."
"What do you want us to do?" Ohno asked, earning himself a glare from his boyfriend.
"Is there any way you can persuade him to listen to me?"
"Please?" Sho looked at Ohno and Nino with a look of absolute desperation before once again burying his face in his hands.
The other two carried out an entire conversation over Sho's bowed head, using only their eyebrows as a means of communication, before finally coming to a consensus as to what needed to be done.
++++
"Jun, open the door. Ohchan needs to use the bathroom urgently!" Nino yelled as he banged on the locked door.
"Why doesn't he ask me himself then?" Jun asked suspiciously.
"Because he is holding his pee in and if he loses concentration it will start to come out."
"Fine," huffed Jun, opening the door the tiniest amount possible.
Instantly Nino shoved Sho through the doorway, using him as a battering ram. He snatched the key from Jun's side of the door and quickly locked it from the outside.
"Nino!" Sho and Jun screamed simultaneously.
"You can thank me later."
"Um, Nino, I really do have to pee," Ohno whined, jiggling slightly.
"Then put some clothes on and take me for a coffee. You can use the café's bathroom."
"But is it safe to leave these two alone?"
"They need to sort this out once and for all. It's been dragging on far too long. Plus Sho knows that I will feed him his own dick if he hurts Jun in any way."
Nino added the last part in a very loud voice right up against the bathroom door. He figured that there was no harm in letting Sho know exactly where he stood.
++++
An uncomfortable silence filled the bathroom as Ohno and Nino's voices receded, followed by the sound of the front door closing.
Sho was standing awkwardly pressed up against the back of the door, while Jun looked as if he wanted to jump into the shower stall and hide himself away.
"Jun..."
"Don't talk to me. I don't want to hear anything you have to say."
"Please?" Sho said, taking a step towards the younger man.
"No!" Jun said, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "If I listen to you then I might get my hopes up again and I couldn't take being rejected by you twice."
"I'm not going to reject you. I love you," Sho said, reaching out to Jun and edging a tiny bit closer.
"Stop saying that! You don't even know what love means." Jun was unable to hold back his tears now. "Do you have any idea what it's like to have feelings for someone for years? Watching them dating other people? Hearing about the wonderful times they're having while you wait and hope every single day that they will finally notice you?"
"I know that I’ve been stupid and cowardly. I was frightened of messing everything up. I didn't want to do it wrong and disappoint you"
"Disappoint me? And you think that rejecting my feelings and making me feel foolish didn't?"
Jun's night of drinking to excess followed by hours of throwing up, topped off with no food all day finally caught up with him. He face paled and he swayed alarmingly, prompting Sho to dash forwards and catch him before he fell. Sho steered Jun to the only place available, sitting him down on the closed lid of the toilet before fetching him some water in the toothbrush glass that had been sitting on the sink.
“Drink this.”
“No. I don’t want anything from you,” Jun replied pushing Sho’s hand away with a stubborn expression. His face was even paler now and beads of sweat were forming on his brow.
“Nino will kick my butt if I allow you to pass out in his bathroom,” Sho said, holding out the glass once more.
“Fine!” Jun swallowed some of the water, closing his eyes until the dizziness passed.
Once some colour returned to Jun’s cheeks, Sho made another attempt to speak with him.
“Please let me explain things.”
“I can’t exactly go anywhere, so I suppose I don’t have much of a choice,” grumped Jun.
Sho knelt at Jun's feet, ignoring the fact that the tiled floor made his knees hurt.
"I have failed at every relationship I've ever had, male or female. Every woman I have ever dated dumped me and then married someone else almost immediately; probably just to get away from me."
Jun almost laughed. Sho's pouting and self-pitying expression was irresistible. "I think you might be exaggerating."
Sho shook his head vehemently. "No! I honestly am the world’s worst boyfriend. I'm selfish and greedy and forget important dates and I stand people up all the time because I am addicted to working. I don't have time to treat the person I love as well as I should and I didn't want to do the same to you. It's just too important. You are too important."
Jun wanted to get angry and hurt Sho in the same way that he'd been hurt, but Sho was looking at him with nothing but sincerity in his eyes.
“You forgot the part about the fact that your apartment is a messy hovel and you snore loud enough to make the doors rattle,” Jun added with a half-smile.
“I’m already in enough trouble here as it is.” Sho was relieved that at least Jun was listening to him.
The brief moment of light passed and Jun was immediately serious again, his eyes large and haunted looking. “You have no idea of how hard it was for me to speak to you in that hotel. I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old. Six long years of loving you from afar and when I finally thought that you might have similar feelings towards me, you flat out told me that I was wrong.”
“I thought that you deserved more. I thought that you deserved someone better than me; someone who would treat you right. I thought that if I pretended that I didn’t share your feelings then you could move on and find someone else.”
“That wasn’t for you to decide. You should have at least talked to me about this, not brushed me aside like I didn’t matter,” tears were once again flowing down Jun’s cheeks as he relived the hurt that Sho had caused him.
“I know now that it was unfair of me,” Sho said, restraining himself from reaching out to hold Jun and to wipe away his tears. “I thought that I was protecting you, but instead I just hurt you more. I am a complete idiot.”
“Well, that part at least is true. You are an idiot.”
“And I hope that one day you can forgive me for it. I will do anything you ask of me, if only you will just give me a chance.”
Sho prostrated himself on the floor at Jun’s feet, his face pressed to the tiles, terrified that Jun was going to continue his rejection of his professions of love.
“You do know that you’re face down on the tiles in front of a toilet don’t you?”
“It’s all that I deserve. I am a horrible person.”
“Please get up from there,” Jun pleaded, bending down to touch Sho’s hair with his fingertips. “I forgive you.”
Sho popped his head up. “You do?”
“I think I understand why you did it. I guess I’m not the only one struggling with my feelings and the implications of us getting into a relationship with each other.” Jun took a deep breath before asking, “But why did change your mind all of a sudden?”
“Because I couldn’t stand to see you looking so sad knowing that it was all my doing. I felt as if you were trying to destroy yourself.”
“I just got drunk. Lots of people do.”
“But you haven’t been happy, not for a long time and neither have I. And that’s my fault too. I’ve been going on stupid and meaningless dates; trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing, when in reality I’ve just been making both of us miserable.”
“You’ve been miserable too?”
“Of course. Every time I see you sad, or hurt, or sick, I’ve wanted to pull you into my arms and never let go. I want to protect you from harm. I want to see you smile again and I want to be the one that puts that smile on your face.”
Jun shook his head disbelievingly, not wanting to get his hopes up.
“I love you Jun. I always have. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing, both on the inside and the outside. Sometimes, when I catch a glimpse of you, when you are being the real you, without your defensive walls up, I almost forget how to breathe.”
“N-no…” the tears were flowing faster now and Jun’s breath was shaky.
“I want to us try. I want a relationship. I want you.” Sho made one last plea, barely daring to breathe as he waited for Jun to respond.
“I don’t want to hear this. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to do us!” Jun wailed.
Jun’s chest heaved as he breathed rapidly, hyperventilating as his hands shook. His emotions had overwhelmed him to the point the he no longer knew how to cope.
Sho looked on from his kneeling position and tried to think of a solution, his own heart racing uncontrollably at the sight of Jun’s anguish.
Sho did the only thing he could think of to calm Jun down. He kissed him.
++++
The world seemed to still as their lips met.
Sho cupped Jun’s tear-stained cheeks, holding him steady as he tasted his plump lips for the first time. Before this there had been playful pecks on the cheek to satisfy the demands of their fans and their variety shows, but this was the real thing.
Jun struggled against Sho’s embrace at first, punching weakly at this chest with arms that seemed to have lost all of their strength. But soon he was powerless to resist when Sho ran the tip of his tongue along the seam of his mouth, seeking entrance. Jun moaned, his lips parting just enough to allow Sho to slip his tongue in and begin to explore every part of his mouth, as if wishing to memorize every square millimetre of this new territory that he was claiming as his own.
It was some minutes before they reluctantly pulled apart; only stopping because of the need to breathe.
Jun’s gaze was unfocused as he stared at Sho, who was still kneeling uncomfortably on the tiled floor in front of him. “You kissed me!”
“Sorry. It was the only way I could think of to calm you down,” Sho said, not looking sorry at all as he took Jun’s hands into his own in a firm grasp.
“You. Kissed. Me.”
“Yes.”
“Just now. And there was tongue.”
“Errr, yes.”
“We just had our first kiss in a bathroom while I was sitting on the toilet.”
“Well, yes. But you aren’t actually using it as a toilet, so I don’t think it counts.”
“Oh, I think it counts all right,” Nino snarked from the now open doorway, brandishing his phone. “And Aiba is going to just love it when I send him the evidence.”
Jun flinched, while Sho jumped in surprise.
“When did you come back? I didn’t hear you open the door,” Sho said with a glare, afraid that Nino would scare Jun off.
“That’s because you two were too busy making kissy faces to notice.”
Jun looked perilously close to tears at the thought and Sho was about to leap to his defence and pounce on Nino when Ohno calmly stepped up and snatched the phone from Nino’s hand. He swiftly deleted the photo before handing it back to his astonished boyfriend.
“How did you just manage to do that?” Nino whined. “I thought you didn’t know how to work these things?”
“You think that I don’t know that you take pictures of my dick when you think I’m asleep?”
“I wondered where the recent additions to my collection had disappeared to,” Nino complained.
“Can we all please get out of this bathroom?” Sho asked as he stood up and flexed his stiff legs.
Ohno and Sho left the room, heading to the refrigerator for some celebratory beers, leaving Jun and Nino alone.
Jun shakily splashed some water on his red cheeks in an attempt to repair the damage that his emotional storm had caused.
“I can’t believe you took that photo. I thought you were my friend.”
“I still am. I was never going to show it to anyone. I just wanted to see if Sho protected you,” Nino replied as he stood behind Jun and hugged him. “I won’t let you date someone who doesn’t care about you enough.”
Jun turned to look at Nino, with wide eyes. “He loves me. I’ve loved him for so long and now he actually loves me back.”
“I know,” Nino replied, placing a kiss in the middle of Jun’s forehead like a proud parent.
“I don’t know how this is supposed to work from here onwards,” Jun said hesitantly.
Sho’s voice startled them. “It’s quite simple really. We just go on loving each other for the rest of our lives and everything else will fall into place. Unless you have a better plan?”
“Nope, that sounds almost perfect from where I’m standing,” Jun replied with a loving smile.
“Only almost perfect?” Sho asked, sounding a little disappointed. “What do I need to do to make it perfect then?”
“Come over here and kiss me again.”
“You two do know that you’re still in my bathroom, right?” Nino shook his head despairingly before being unceremoniously evicted from the room as the door was locked behind him.
“Oh crap. I need to go to the bathroom again,” Ohno complained with a deep sigh.
“Then you’ll just have to treat me to dinner as well. Honestly old man, you even have the bladder of a seventy-nine year old,” Nino replied fondly, before once again dragging his boyfriend from the apartment.
++++
When Ohno and Nino finally returned home, they opened the apartment door with great care, and peeked through the tiny gap. They didn’t want to catch their bandmates in a compromising position on the sofa. Because once seen, something like that can never be unseen.
But their fear turned out to be fruitless. The apartment was empty, except for a note that Sho had left on the coffee table. Nino picked it up, curious to see what it said.
He looked at it for a moment before flinging his head back in a bout of spluttering laughter before handing it over to Ohno to read as well.
Dear N & S
I don’t have the words to tell you how grateful I am for your help with finally getting together with Jun.
I promise to care for him and love him to the best of my ability and I trust that you will make sure that I do.
Thank you for your friendship and your slightly twisted wisdom.
Sho
PS I also need to thank you for the condoms and lube that I found in your bathroom, and took with me just in case. Don’t worry; I will replace them for you tomorrow.
PPS Seriously, who uses banana flavoured lube? And why?
PPPS On second thoughts don’t tell me. I think I might just have to kill myself if I hear any mention of Ohno’s ‘big banana’.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, itsy bit of emotional angst
Disclaimer: Still don't own Arashi, no matter how hard I try.
Summary: Jun stumbled and ended up with his arms around Sho's neck, their lips almost touching. Jun flinched and pushed himself away, swaying alarmingly as he said, "I don't feel very well. Can you make the room stop spinning?"
A/N: This is a Sakumoto follow-up story to A Small Gap. These events happen a few weeks later and revolve around Sakumoto’s uneasy relationship. Hi
lilly0 I never can resist when you ask me to write something especially when Sakumoto are involved. I hope you like it.Sho was just entering the restaurant when his phone buzzed. His date glared at him as he made to answer it.
"Leave it. You're supposed to be with me," she hissed.
"You know that's not possible," he replied, realizing that it was Jun who was calling.
He motioned for her to go in by herself as he took the call and walked out of earshot. It had been a long time since Jun had voluntarily called him outside of work time.
If anything, the distance between them had increased since Ohno and Nino had become a couple.
"Jun?"
"Um...is this Sakurai Sho-san?"
Sho didn't recognize the caller's voice at all. "Who are you and why have you got Jun's phone?"
He could barely hear the answer over the racing of his own heart.
"I'm the manager of the Velvet Bar." The man had to raise his voice to be heard over the excited babble of voices in the background. "Your bandmate Matsumoto-san is here."
"Well, that's wonderful for your business, but I don't quite understand why you have his phone or why you're calling me." Sho was irritated by the way that he'd panicked when first receiving the call.
"He's had a lot to drink. So, um, maybe you should come and get him?"
What?
"Hang on," Sho said, suddenly feeling out of his depth. "Are you saying that Jun is there, at the bar? Who's he got with him?"
"No one. That's why I'm calling you."
"And he's been drinking?" Jun was never one to lose control in public. Sho was beginning to think that this was some sort of joke.
"Enough to sink the Titanic. And he's been buying rounds for everyone in the bar." The man sounded apologetic as he said, "I think that it would be bad for all of you if this was to get out. I think he needs to get home and sort himself out."
"Let me speak with him." The man sounded very convincing but Sho wanted to reassure himself that this was genuine and that Jun really did need his help.
"He won't come to the phone. He's up on the pool table right now, doing his Christina Aguilera impression." He sighed. "Again."
"Jun would never do that."
"Hang on. Listen."
Sho listened as the manager angled the phone - presumably - in the direction of the pool table. His blood ran cold as he heard a voice that was unmistakably Jun's bellowing out. "Because I'mmmmmmm beeeeeyyyooo-deeefullll..."
Crap.
"I'll be right there," said Sho.
Sho's date hadn't gone into the restaurant. Instead she was standing with her arms crossed and tapping one foot impatiently on the ground. "Be right where?" She screwed her face up petulantly as she spoke.
"Sorry, but something important has come up and I have to leave right now."
"If you leave, don't think that you can come back. I'm sick of you always putting other people first. As far as I'm concerned, we're over," she snapped.
Sho didn't hesitate for a second, his heart suddenly much lighter for the first time since he'd begun dating her at his parents’ request. Waving her goodbye, Sho spun on his heel and ran back to his car, desperate to go and stop Jun from making things any worse. He didn't forget to call for a taxi to pick up his ex-date though, he had nothing against her personally; it wasn't her fault that she wasn't the person whom he loved.
++++
The whole bar seemed to be swaying in time to Jun's gyrations on the pool table. He was singing a duet of "Islands in The Stream" with an obviously intoxicated salaryman who was doing his best to impersonate Dolly Parton.
The bar staff apologized profusely. "We tried to make him come down, but he just kept ordering bottles of champagne for everyone and singing."
"It's not your fault," Sho said as he walked over and attempted to catch Jun's attention. "I think we should go home now."
Jun looked at him muzzily, " Shoooooo, that not why I told him to ring you. I wanted you to sing with meeeeee."
"I will sing with you, but not just now. I think it's safest if you come down from there."
"I'm fine...ooops."
Sho managed to grab Jun's hand just in time and steady him before he fell headfirst off the table. "Please, before you get hurt."
"No. I'm singing ," Jun said defiantly. "I'm fantastic."
"Of course you are, but sometimes it's better to leave your audience wanting more." Reaching up Sho managed to prise the microphone from Jun's hand and seize him by the wrist. "Now just climb down onto this chair, and down again...that's it, excellent. Now let's get you outside and into some fresh air."
Jun stumbled and ended up with his arms around Sho's neck, their lips almost touching. Jun flinched and pushed himself away, swaying alarmingly as he said, "I don't feel very well. Can you make the room stop spinning?"
"My car is just outside. You'll feel better sitting down." Sho thanked the staff and steered Jun towards the exit.
"I'm sleepy," Jun whined as Sho tried to steer him towards the car.
"You can sleep in a minute. First tell me why you did this."
"Why should I tell you?" Jun replied. "You aren't usually ever even slightly interested in what I have to say."
Not wanting to fight with Jun when he was in this state, Sho chose not to reply; instead he tried to get him to sit in the passenger seat.
It was like trying to pack a live eel into a box, but eventually all of his limbs were safely inside the car and the door was closed.
"You... reaally nice..."
"What?" Sho couldn't quite catch what Jun was talking about, but the younger man was already asleep.
++++
It had taken all of Sho's patience to get Jun out of the car and up to his apartment. Fortunately the concierge at his building was trained to strictly turn a blind eye to any strange carry-on's from their exclusive clientele.
Getting Jun undressed was even more difficult owing to the fact that every time Sho touched him he burst into fits of uncontrolled giggles and wriggled around.
Much to Sho's shame, the sight of a half-naked giggling Jun was having quite an effect on his nether regions. By the time Jun was undressed and tucked in bed Sho was more than half hard.
Sho gave himself a mental shake and went to spend the rest of the night on the sofa, leaving the bedroom door open so he could hear if Jun had a problem and needed his help.
++++
An hour or so later Sho was jolted awake by a loud crashing noise followed by a yelp of pain.
Jun was reeling around the bedroom simultaneously trying to cradle his foot and cover his mouth.
"Jun?"
"Urrghh, sick."
"It's okay. I've got you." Sho grabbed Jun's elbow and hastily steered him into the bathroom, just managing to get him to the toilet in time as he threw up.
Eventually Jun's stomach was empty and he collapsed onto the tiled floor, his attention now turned to his little toe which was throbbing painfully from where he'd cracked it against the end of Sho's bed in his haste to find the bathroom.
"Ow."
"Is it this one?" Sho asked as he prodded the swollen toe with more force than absolutely necessary, angry at Jun for allowing himself to get into this state.
"OW!"
"Once we get you cleaned up, I'll fetch some ice."
Jun was glaring at him fiercely, which would have been more intimidating if he hadn't been lying on the bathroom floor wearing too-big pyjamas and coated in small bits of sick, some of which were clinging to the ends of his hair.
After quite a struggle which left Sho almost as wet as Jun, the younger man was finally in the tub, wearing a petulant expression as Sho washed his hair.
Much to Sho's dismay tears began to trickle down Jun's cheeks.
"Jun, is everything okay?"
"You got soap in my eyes."
Sho knew that this wasn't true as he'd been particularly careful knowing that Jun's eyes were quite sensitive. It always pained him to see Jun removing his contacts from his red and irritated eyes at the end of another long day and sighing with relief as he slipped his glasses onto his nose. It angered Sho that management refused to allow Jun to wear his glasses in public; in his opinion he was certainly much more handsome when he wore them.
++++
Fortunately the next day was a rest day for both of them. Sho had been unable to sleep, waking every few minutes and listening for signs that Jun was being sick again. He was terrified that he would choke; he had never seen Jun as drunk as this before.
His fears had been realized when he heard Jun coughing in his sleep and he'd once again had to rush him to the toilet. Fortunately there wasn't much for him to throw up, only the water that Sho had forced him to drink in the hopes of stopping him from becoming dehydrated.
They had both finally fallen asleep at around five o'clock, both sleeping fitfully and tossing in their respective beds.
Sho woke first and headed to the bathroom for a shower, sneaking past Jun who was still asleep, tangled up in the bed linens and snoring loudly. He tried to not look too closely at his own haggard reflection in the mirror as he brushed his teeth and ran a comb through his hair. After slipping on a comfortably worn pair of jeans and an oversized souvenir t-shirt he decided to make some food for them both.
Knowing that Jun was likely to have a killer hangover he decided to just fry some eggs and make some toast. Even though his cooking ability was a running joke, since moving out of his parents’ house he'd managed to master some basic skills. Living off takeaway was bad for his health, as Jun would constantly nag. Or at least he had, until recently, when he'd virtually stopped talking to him at all.
++++
"That smells...edible," Jun yawned as he shuffled into the kitchen, obviously lured by the smell of brewing coffee.
"Eggs, toast, juice," Sho said as he put each item in front of Jun, who had managed to shakily take a seat at the counter.
"Coffee?"
"Nope. You know it upsets your stomach when you've already been sick."
"Fine," Jun huffed sulkily as he took a gulp of his juice, almost choking himself in the process.
Sho rushed over and slapped his back, relieved when Jun took a shuddering breath. "Try not to kill yourself."
"As if you'd care if I did." Jun suddenly found his plate of food endlessly fascinating as he gazed at it, refusing to meet Sho's astonished stare.
"Jun, you know that I care about you."
"But just not in the way that I want you to. I know, you've told me often enough." Jun immediately blushed, horrified that he'd spoken out loud.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Thanks for the food and for bringing me home last night. I think I may have had a little bit too much to drink."
"Riiiight," Sho said as he topped up Jun's glass and slid a packet of painkillers across the benchtop towards him.
Jun grudgingly took two with his juice and picked at the toast and eggs, his face turning slightly green as he forced a few bites down. Unfortunately the food didn’t stay down for long, as he made yet another dash to the bathroom.
Sho tried to follow, to make sure that Jun was all right, but found the door locked when he tried to enter. “Jun? Is everything okay?”
“No. It’s not okay. You are having a conversation with me while I’m throwing up…”
++++
After half an hour a still very bedraggled looking Jun emerged from the bathroom. Freshly showered and with perfectly clean teeth, but with hair sticking out in every direction, still with the faintest of green tinges around his face and his eyes squinting shut as if his head was about to drop off.
Sho had left him a pile of fresh clothes in the bedroom for him to change into, which Jun had initially greeted with disdain, but he was left with no other choice but to change into the tracksuit pants and sweatshirt that engulfed his frame.
“I don’t think you should go home until you’re feeling better.” Sho thought Jun looked even thinner than ever in the overlarge clothes. “I don’t like the idea of you being alone.”
Jun looked at him sceptically but for once held his tongue, merely nodding his agreement and allowing Sho to steer him into the living room and onto the couch.
“I’ll throw your clothes into the machine and maybe we could just watch some movies until you feel better? And when you do, I could try and make you some more food?” Sho asked nervously.
Jun was obviously still feeling too fragile to bother arguing, taking the replacement painkillers with a sip of water and slumping into a heap in the corner of the sofa.
Sho knew exactly what Jun was referring to when he’d argued earlier that he didn’t care in the right way. The problem was that he actually did care but he just hadn’t yet figured out a way to say it.
++++
After propping Jun’s foot up on the end of the sofa and pressing an icepack to his still swollen toe, Sho sat beside him and picked up the remotes for the TV and DVD players. “Movie?”
Taking Jun’s nod as assent, Sho started the film going, but to be perfectly honest he did even have the faintest idea which one it was. Jun was almost brushing against the side of his arm, much closer than he’d been for weeks and it was somehow making it hard for him to breathe.
With a small sigh, Jun slowly fell asleep once again, his body sagging against Sho’s as he slid down on the sofa. Unable to help himself Sho allowed Jun’s head to come to rest on his lap, carefully removing his glasses as he drifted into sleep.
Jun looked so vulnerable and so very young when like this, his long lashes brushing over his pale cheeks. Sho knew that he owed Jun an explanation and apology for his behaviour, but first he would let him sleep.
++++
“What the crap are you doing?” Jun screeched, jolting Sho awake.
Sho’s fingers were tangled in Jun’s uncombed hair where he’d been running them through it, enjoying the silky texture; apparently he’d fallen asleep himself while doing it. “Um…I…”
“Why is my head in your lap?”
“We must have both fallen asleep. I couldn’t sleep much last night. I had to watch you to make sure you didn’t choke on your own vomit.” Sho hadn’t meant to tell Jun off, but his embarrassment at being caught touching Jun’s hair made him go on the attack.
“I wasn’t that drunk,” Jun said indignantly as he pulled himself up off Sho’s lap and moved as far away as possible, turning to face him with a lethal glare.
“Oh, really Jun, or should I say Christina?”
Jun’s face slowly suffused with red as he remembered snippets of the previous evening.
“I was really worried about you. I’ve never seen you that drunk before. Why would you do that?”
“Why are you that concerned about me? I thought we were just strictly bandmates?”
“Because I love you.”
++++
After the words popped out of Sho’s mouth, everything seemed frozen in time. Jun was looking at him disbelievingly; the frown line between his brows even deeper than it had been before.
“You love me?”
“Yes.”
“You. Love. Me.”
“Yes.”
“Is this some new form of torture that you’ve just come up with?” Jun was now trying to get up from the sofa, but Sho had a firm grip on his arm and wouldn’t allow him to stand. “Because I thought that you were pretty clear on that weekend we were away for work together when I confessed my feelings and you just looked at me like I’d grown an extra head.”
“I didn’t know what to say…”
“I think you said quite enough. I believe that the words ‘juvenile crush’ came out of your mouth, swiftly followed by ‘keeping things strictly professional’.”
“I panicked.”
“You didn’t look like you were panicking from my position. You looked quite calm and sure of your rejection of me.”
"I needed time..."
"Well I've used that time to get over you. You have no right to love me now." Jun yelled, pulling away from Sho's grasp and fleeing from the apartment.
++++
Nino was almost knocked off his feet as Jun burst into his apartment. Jun toed off his shoes and went straight to refrigerator and grabbed a beer before he flung himself angrily down on the couch.
"Hello to you too," Nino snarked. "Would you like something to drink?" he asked sarcastically, gesturing towards the beer.
"Shut up. This is all your fault, you and Ohno's."
"What's my fault?" Ohno asked sleepily as he emerged from Nino's bedroom wearing nothing but a sagging pair of boxer shorts. He scratched his butt as he shuffled over and wrapped his arms around Nino's waist, resting his head heavily on his shoulder.
"This!" Jun replied angrily, some of the beer sloshing onto the couch as he waved his hand wildly around. "You two and your disgustingly blissful happiness have obviously been giving Sho strange ideas."
"Sho?" Ohno asked sharply, suddenly paying attention. "Did he say something horrible to you again? Because if he did I am prepared to unleash Nino on him for you."
Nino nodded vigorously, fully prepared to defend his friend. They were all now aware of the fact that Jun had hesitantly opened his heart to Sho and had it firmly crushed in return.
Nino looked keenly at Jun, checking his emotional state, frowning when he noticed his badly bruised toe. "Jun, what happened to your foot?"
"It's all Sho's fault," Jun pouted.
"Did he hurt you?"
"Not directly..."
"Jun, you need to tell us what happened before Nino flips out," Ohno said, placing a calming hand on Nino's arm.
"I had a couple of drinks last night and Sho picked me up and drove me back to his place."
"So you were drunk."
"He seemed to think so, but I think he overreacted."
"How drunk?" Ohno asked.
"Christina drunk?" asked Nino.
"Well...yes..."
"So he rescued you from making a fool of yourself in public and took you home to take care of you?"
"I guess so..." Jun mumbled.
"And your toe?"
"I stubbed it in the middle of the night looking for the bathroom."
"You were throwing up weren't you?"
"A bit..."
"And Sho helped you?"
"Kind of..."
"And then?"
Jun was beginning to look more uncomfortable as the conversation went on, but felt compelled to answer truthfully. "He made me breakfast and then we watched a movie..."
"The animal!" Nino cried dramatically and sarcastically.
"I don't see the problem so far," Ohno said, poking Nino to get him to shut up.
Jun gulped down the rest of his beer before squeezing out the words that he'd been dreading. "I fell asleep on the sofa and when I woke up he was touching me…”
"What?!" Nino and Ohno were perfectly in sync.
At that moment there was a loud banging on the door.
Sho called out, “Jun, I know you’re there. You can’t just run away from me like that!”
Jun immediately looked cornered; his eyes brimming with unshed tears. With a sob he rushed to the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it behind him.
"I will kill him!" Nino was not joking as he headed towards the front door. Ohno grabbed him from behind, kissed his neck and turned him around to squeeze him tightly before steering him over to the couch and pushing him down.
“Let me handle this.”
Ohno stalked over to the door and flung it open, catching Sho by surprise.
Sho was even more surprised when Ohno grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him roughly inside before slamming the door behind him.
++++
“What did you do to Jun this time?” Nino hissed from the couch, not wanting to upset Jun any further with the sounds of their argument.
“I…I know I shouldn’t have said it like that…but…”
“Not what you said. What did you do to him on the couch?” Ohno asked as he stood with his arms crossed over his chest.
“I…stroked his hair after he fell asleep on my lap.” Sho looked slightly ashamed as he spoke.
“Is that all? Then why is he so desperately upset?”
“Oh, and then I told him that I loved him.”
“You told him what?”
"That I love him.” Sho replied calmly before adding defiantly, "I really do, you know."
++++
Sho walked over the couch and dropped down heavily, rubbing his hands over his face despairingly. "I truly love him, but I think I've blown it. I can't make him even listen to me, let alone believe me when I tell him that."
"That's because when he confessed to you brushed him off." Nino moved as far away from Sho as the couch would allow.
"Can you help me? I promise not to hurt him. If he rejects me then I promise to leave him alone."
"What do you want us to do?" Ohno asked, earning himself a glare from his boyfriend.
"Is there any way you can persuade him to listen to me?"
"Please?" Sho looked at Ohno and Nino with a look of absolute desperation before once again burying his face in his hands.
The other two carried out an entire conversation over Sho's bowed head, using only their eyebrows as a means of communication, before finally coming to a consensus as to what needed to be done.
++++
"Jun, open the door. Ohchan needs to use the bathroom urgently!" Nino yelled as he banged on the locked door.
"Why doesn't he ask me himself then?" Jun asked suspiciously.
"Because he is holding his pee in and if he loses concentration it will start to come out."
"Fine," huffed Jun, opening the door the tiniest amount possible.
Instantly Nino shoved Sho through the doorway, using him as a battering ram. He snatched the key from Jun's side of the door and quickly locked it from the outside.
"Nino!" Sho and Jun screamed simultaneously.
"You can thank me later."
"Um, Nino, I really do have to pee," Ohno whined, jiggling slightly.
"Then put some clothes on and take me for a coffee. You can use the café's bathroom."
"But is it safe to leave these two alone?"
"They need to sort this out once and for all. It's been dragging on far too long. Plus Sho knows that I will feed him his own dick if he hurts Jun in any way."
Nino added the last part in a very loud voice right up against the bathroom door. He figured that there was no harm in letting Sho know exactly where he stood.
++++
An uncomfortable silence filled the bathroom as Ohno and Nino's voices receded, followed by the sound of the front door closing.
Sho was standing awkwardly pressed up against the back of the door, while Jun looked as if he wanted to jump into the shower stall and hide himself away.
"Jun..."
"Don't talk to me. I don't want to hear anything you have to say."
"Please?" Sho said, taking a step towards the younger man.
"No!" Jun said, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. "If I listen to you then I might get my hopes up again and I couldn't take being rejected by you twice."
"I'm not going to reject you. I love you," Sho said, reaching out to Jun and edging a tiny bit closer.
"Stop saying that! You don't even know what love means." Jun was unable to hold back his tears now. "Do you have any idea what it's like to have feelings for someone for years? Watching them dating other people? Hearing about the wonderful times they're having while you wait and hope every single day that they will finally notice you?"
"I know that I’ve been stupid and cowardly. I was frightened of messing everything up. I didn't want to do it wrong and disappoint you"
"Disappoint me? And you think that rejecting my feelings and making me feel foolish didn't?"
Jun's night of drinking to excess followed by hours of throwing up, topped off with no food all day finally caught up with him. He face paled and he swayed alarmingly, prompting Sho to dash forwards and catch him before he fell. Sho steered Jun to the only place available, sitting him down on the closed lid of the toilet before fetching him some water in the toothbrush glass that had been sitting on the sink.
“Drink this.”
“No. I don’t want anything from you,” Jun replied pushing Sho’s hand away with a stubborn expression. His face was even paler now and beads of sweat were forming on his brow.
“Nino will kick my butt if I allow you to pass out in his bathroom,” Sho said, holding out the glass once more.
“Fine!” Jun swallowed some of the water, closing his eyes until the dizziness passed.
Once some colour returned to Jun’s cheeks, Sho made another attempt to speak with him.
“Please let me explain things.”
“I can’t exactly go anywhere, so I suppose I don’t have much of a choice,” grumped Jun.
Sho knelt at Jun's feet, ignoring the fact that the tiled floor made his knees hurt.
"I have failed at every relationship I've ever had, male or female. Every woman I have ever dated dumped me and then married someone else almost immediately; probably just to get away from me."
Jun almost laughed. Sho's pouting and self-pitying expression was irresistible. "I think you might be exaggerating."
Sho shook his head vehemently. "No! I honestly am the world’s worst boyfriend. I'm selfish and greedy and forget important dates and I stand people up all the time because I am addicted to working. I don't have time to treat the person I love as well as I should and I didn't want to do the same to you. It's just too important. You are too important."
Jun wanted to get angry and hurt Sho in the same way that he'd been hurt, but Sho was looking at him with nothing but sincerity in his eyes.
“You forgot the part about the fact that your apartment is a messy hovel and you snore loud enough to make the doors rattle,” Jun added with a half-smile.
“I’m already in enough trouble here as it is.” Sho was relieved that at least Jun was listening to him.
The brief moment of light passed and Jun was immediately serious again, his eyes large and haunted looking. “You have no idea of how hard it was for me to speak to you in that hotel. I’ve loved you since I was sixteen years old. Six long years of loving you from afar and when I finally thought that you might have similar feelings towards me, you flat out told me that I was wrong.”
“I thought that you deserved more. I thought that you deserved someone better than me; someone who would treat you right. I thought that if I pretended that I didn’t share your feelings then you could move on and find someone else.”
“That wasn’t for you to decide. You should have at least talked to me about this, not brushed me aside like I didn’t matter,” tears were once again flowing down Jun’s cheeks as he relived the hurt that Sho had caused him.
“I know now that it was unfair of me,” Sho said, restraining himself from reaching out to hold Jun and to wipe away his tears. “I thought that I was protecting you, but instead I just hurt you more. I am a complete idiot.”
“Well, that part at least is true. You are an idiot.”
“And I hope that one day you can forgive me for it. I will do anything you ask of me, if only you will just give me a chance.”
Sho prostrated himself on the floor at Jun’s feet, his face pressed to the tiles, terrified that Jun was going to continue his rejection of his professions of love.
“You do know that you’re face down on the tiles in front of a toilet don’t you?”
“It’s all that I deserve. I am a horrible person.”
“Please get up from there,” Jun pleaded, bending down to touch Sho’s hair with his fingertips. “I forgive you.”
Sho popped his head up. “You do?”
“I think I understand why you did it. I guess I’m not the only one struggling with my feelings and the implications of us getting into a relationship with each other.” Jun took a deep breath before asking, “But why did change your mind all of a sudden?”
“Because I couldn’t stand to see you looking so sad knowing that it was all my doing. I felt as if you were trying to destroy yourself.”
“I just got drunk. Lots of people do.”
“But you haven’t been happy, not for a long time and neither have I. And that’s my fault too. I’ve been going on stupid and meaningless dates; trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing, when in reality I’ve just been making both of us miserable.”
“You’ve been miserable too?”
“Of course. Every time I see you sad, or hurt, or sick, I’ve wanted to pull you into my arms and never let go. I want to protect you from harm. I want to see you smile again and I want to be the one that puts that smile on your face.”
Jun shook his head disbelievingly, not wanting to get his hopes up.
“I love you Jun. I always have. You are the most beautiful person I’ve ever had the privilege of knowing, both on the inside and the outside. Sometimes, when I catch a glimpse of you, when you are being the real you, without your defensive walls up, I almost forget how to breathe.”
“N-no…” the tears were flowing faster now and Jun’s breath was shaky.
“I want to us try. I want a relationship. I want you.” Sho made one last plea, barely daring to breathe as he waited for Jun to respond.
“I don’t want to hear this. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to do us!” Jun wailed.
Jun’s chest heaved as he breathed rapidly, hyperventilating as his hands shook. His emotions had overwhelmed him to the point the he no longer knew how to cope.
Sho looked on from his kneeling position and tried to think of a solution, his own heart racing uncontrollably at the sight of Jun’s anguish.
Sho did the only thing he could think of to calm Jun down. He kissed him.
++++
The world seemed to still as their lips met.
Sho cupped Jun’s tear-stained cheeks, holding him steady as he tasted his plump lips for the first time. Before this there had been playful pecks on the cheek to satisfy the demands of their fans and their variety shows, but this was the real thing.
Jun struggled against Sho’s embrace at first, punching weakly at this chest with arms that seemed to have lost all of their strength. But soon he was powerless to resist when Sho ran the tip of his tongue along the seam of his mouth, seeking entrance. Jun moaned, his lips parting just enough to allow Sho to slip his tongue in and begin to explore every part of his mouth, as if wishing to memorize every square millimetre of this new territory that he was claiming as his own.
It was some minutes before they reluctantly pulled apart; only stopping because of the need to breathe.
Jun’s gaze was unfocused as he stared at Sho, who was still kneeling uncomfortably on the tiled floor in front of him. “You kissed me!”
“Sorry. It was the only way I could think of to calm you down,” Sho said, not looking sorry at all as he took Jun’s hands into his own in a firm grasp.
“You. Kissed. Me.”
“Yes.”
“Just now. And there was tongue.”
“Errr, yes.”
“We just had our first kiss in a bathroom while I was sitting on the toilet.”
“Well, yes. But you aren’t actually using it as a toilet, so I don’t think it counts.”
“Oh, I think it counts all right,” Nino snarked from the now open doorway, brandishing his phone. “And Aiba is going to just love it when I send him the evidence.”
Jun flinched, while Sho jumped in surprise.
“When did you come back? I didn’t hear you open the door,” Sho said with a glare, afraid that Nino would scare Jun off.
“That’s because you two were too busy making kissy faces to notice.”
Jun looked perilously close to tears at the thought and Sho was about to leap to his defence and pounce on Nino when Ohno calmly stepped up and snatched the phone from Nino’s hand. He swiftly deleted the photo before handing it back to his astonished boyfriend.
“How did you just manage to do that?” Nino whined. “I thought you didn’t know how to work these things?”
“You think that I don’t know that you take pictures of my dick when you think I’m asleep?”
“I wondered where the recent additions to my collection had disappeared to,” Nino complained.
“Can we all please get out of this bathroom?” Sho asked as he stood up and flexed his stiff legs.
Ohno and Sho left the room, heading to the refrigerator for some celebratory beers, leaving Jun and Nino alone.
Jun shakily splashed some water on his red cheeks in an attempt to repair the damage that his emotional storm had caused.
“I can’t believe you took that photo. I thought you were my friend.”
“I still am. I was never going to show it to anyone. I just wanted to see if Sho protected you,” Nino replied as he stood behind Jun and hugged him. “I won’t let you date someone who doesn’t care about you enough.”
Jun turned to look at Nino, with wide eyes. “He loves me. I’ve loved him for so long and now he actually loves me back.”
“I know,” Nino replied, placing a kiss in the middle of Jun’s forehead like a proud parent.
“I don’t know how this is supposed to work from here onwards,” Jun said hesitantly.
Sho’s voice startled them. “It’s quite simple really. We just go on loving each other for the rest of our lives and everything else will fall into place. Unless you have a better plan?”
“Nope, that sounds almost perfect from where I’m standing,” Jun replied with a loving smile.
“Only almost perfect?” Sho asked, sounding a little disappointed. “What do I need to do to make it perfect then?”
“Come over here and kiss me again.”
“You two do know that you’re still in my bathroom, right?” Nino shook his head despairingly before being unceremoniously evicted from the room as the door was locked behind him.
“Oh crap. I need to go to the bathroom again,” Ohno complained with a deep sigh.
“Then you’ll just have to treat me to dinner as well. Honestly old man, you even have the bladder of a seventy-nine year old,” Nino replied fondly, before once again dragging his boyfriend from the apartment.
++++
When Ohno and Nino finally returned home, they opened the apartment door with great care, and peeked through the tiny gap. They didn’t want to catch their bandmates in a compromising position on the sofa. Because once seen, something like that can never be unseen.
But their fear turned out to be fruitless. The apartment was empty, except for a note that Sho had left on the coffee table. Nino picked it up, curious to see what it said.
He looked at it for a moment before flinging his head back in a bout of spluttering laughter before handing it over to Ohno to read as well.
Dear N & S
I don’t have the words to tell you how grateful I am for your help with finally getting together with Jun.
I promise to care for him and love him to the best of my ability and I trust that you will make sure that I do.
Thank you for your friendship and your slightly twisted wisdom.
Sho
PS I also need to thank you for the condoms and lube that I found in your bathroom, and took with me just in case. Don’t worry; I will replace them for you tomorrow.
PPS Seriously, who uses banana flavoured lube? And why?
PPPS On second thoughts don’t tell me. I think I might just have to kill myself if I hear any mention of Ohno’s ‘big banana’.
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Date: 2017-02-13 10:19 am (UTC)i specifically love the ending XD ohno's banana :)))))
thank you <3
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Date: 2017-02-13 10:40 am (UTC)Thanks for reading 💕
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Date: 2017-02-13 11:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 11:30 am (UTC)Learn more about LiveJournal Ratings in FAQ (https://www.dreamwidth.org/support/faqbrowse?faqid=303).
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Date: 2017-02-13 11:52 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 11:52 am (UTC)Lovely, Cute, Fluffy, Sweet and Funny XD
I love it from the beginning to the end, --and all that Ohmiya's funny remarks :))
Thank you for sharing <3
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Date: 2017-02-13 06:29 pm (UTC)Thanks for reading. 💕
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Date: 2017-02-13 11:52 am (UTC)Oh, that's so cute, really. Sho is really, really, really stupid, but I sm glad Jun forgave him.
Ohno's big banana *lol*
Thanks for sharing, dear 😘❤💑
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Date: 2017-02-13 06:32 pm (UTC)I believe that Ohno's banana is quite popular (with Nino).
Thank you 💕
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Date: 2017-02-13 02:29 pm (UTC)Cuteeeee omg thank you for this. I dont even know if i gonna laugh for feel sorry for them but lolz epic hilarious sakumoto fic. Mwah 🌸💜🌸💜🌸💜🌸
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Date: 2017-02-13 06:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2017-02-13 03:06 pm (UTC)My favourite thing about Sakumoto is the angst. I'm fine with established relationship fics, but - especially with this pairing - I love the get-together fics more because they're just so stubborn and proud, and the way they get there is sweet sweet torture. This fic no exception, of course. I love it when one of them (usually Sho, because... c'mon) is in denial about the whole thing and has to grovel for forgiveness. And good on Jun for not giving it up so soon. I understand why he would believe Sho was messing with him (I would have too!!) but the way Sho took care of him is so fluffy and sweet nevertheless <3
I also love Ohmiya's intervention!! I have a soft spot for Ohno being a fierce leader, so when he forcefully grabs Sho and demands an explanation I was just asdfghjkl you know?? (Sorry, I'll keep my kinks out of this comment)
And then in the end finally, finally, Jun accepts Sho's apologies (I probably would have kept him on his toes some more, but REALLY who can blame Jun for wanting to tap that right away) and everything is right in the world again <3
Also, that last part is just so funny xD
I can't get the image of Ohno's banana out of me head thoughThank you for this sequel!! <3
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Date: 2017-02-13 06:48 pm (UTC)Even though Jun ultimately gave in first (Sho did have help from the evil genius Nino after all), he did at least give Sho a taste of how bad e made him feel.
I must confess that I love it too when Ohno stands up and acts all protective like that - Jun brings out those sort of instincts in everyone, I think.
Of course Jun was always going to say yes, it had been his dream for so long, plus what could he do when Sho basically kissed him into agreeing?
I think we should respect Sho's wishes and make no further mention of Ohno's big banana, he is already traumatized enough.I think Sho was overly ambitious in "borrowing" the supplies though. I can imagine that Jun is going to make him work a lot harder than this before he gains "access" in that department.
Thank you for reading dear 💜❤
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Date: 2017-02-13 03:41 pm (UTC)THAT LINE. OMG.
So..so.....SO FLUFF. SO CUTE. I love how overprotective you made Nino here. And Ohchan as well. (although Ohno's banana eh? Nino's favourite fruit?)
And Sakumoto. Too cute. *hyperventilates* So cute. So adorable. So angst but not. *flails* Thank youuuuuuuuu. *Showers Jun cookies*
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Date: 2017-02-13 06:57 pm (UTC)I do enjoy torturing my babies a bit, and this time Sho obviously deserved it after being
stupidcowardlyinsecure enough to turn Jun down when he finally screwed up enough courage to confess.We all know the power of an angry ball of Nino. Sho had a very close escape just then, especially since Jun's incoherent complaints led them to think that Sho had done something inexcusable. (The overprotective dears.)
As for Ohno's banana...they do say that three serves a day are good for the health. (Just ask Nino 😉)Thanks for reading 💕
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Date: 2017-02-13 08:23 pm (UTC)My spot (I will come back with a proper comment tomorrow ^^)Thanks so much for writing this story! I'm so happy you picked up this prompt <3
Sho is sooooo sweet in this, and so caring. I'm really glad he picked up his own courage and confessed, even though he was met with Jun's anger and disbelief first (understandingly so!) but he didn't give up. Poor Jun though. He obviously was so miserable :-( As always I love Matsumiya friendship - Nino protecting Jun is so adorable, and I loved his little (or not so little) threats at Sho :D (and of course how he tested Sho at the end with the photo :D)
Sho really stepped out of his box by confessing to Jun and then trying to set everything clear by properly explaining his reasons and feelings and why he rejected him first. I'm so glad Jun could forgive him (and that they are probably going to have banana flavoured sex. MUHAHAH)
Thanks so much for this! I love it ♥
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Date: 2017-02-15 08:10 am (UTC)It was indeed brave of them to have a proper discussion about things, instead of just ignoring the problem.
And I really want my own Nino. He is the best friend ever.
Thank you for the prompt. This was soooo much fun to write. (Especially drunk Jun.)
*hugs*
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Date: 2017-02-15 12:05 am (UTC)slappedAnyway, Happy Valentine's Day!!
I love you,
my husband//slapped again//BTW: I thought the reason Ohno likes bananas because he wants to suck Nino's cockadoodledoo //slapped thirce//
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Date: 2017-02-15 08:06 am (UTC)Yes Ohmiya are extremely protective of Jun-pon.
And nobody wants to know what's up with the bananas.
*hugs*
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Date: 2017-02-17 05:07 am (UTC)It's great to see you too babe! *mwah* Did you have a nice V-Day?
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Date: 2017-02-17 09:21 am (UTC)*sighs dramatically*
😂😂😂
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Date: 2017-02-17 02:54 pm (UTC)I love those little angst from Shojun, but I'm glad they got together in the end... in the bathroom lols
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Date: 2017-02-17 09:13 pm (UTC)Maybe he will laugh about it later? Much much much later?
Try not to think about Ohno's banana. Nino would probably hurt you if he knew. Heh.