learashi | A State of Denial

Pairing: Matsumiya

Genre: angst

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own Arashi or any of its members – this is a work of fiction.

Summary: The others soon forgot about the whole incident, but Nino still wasn’t happy. He knew that no matter how much he denied it; there was something wrong with his boyfriend.

A/N: I’m hoping to post a month of stories featuring Nino throughout June to celebrate his birthday month. This is the first one. Wish me luck.

“Does anyone know where Jun has gone?” Nino asked in a worried voice, looking at the empty space on the sofa that had previously contained his boyfriend.

Ohno had looked up from where he was lying with his head in Aiba’s lap, receiving a head massage. “I think he went to the bathroom again.”

Nino walked over to the bathroom door and tentatively tapped his fingers on it “Jun, everything OK in there?” The only response he received was a retching noise followed by the sound of the toilet flushing. He stayed pressed to the door trying to hear any further noises and ended up almost falling flat on his face as Jun wrenched the door open.

Jun grabbed him just in time to stop him hurting himself while saying in an aggravated tone “I’m fine, will you stop following me around everywhere?”

Nino attached himself to his boyfriend to prevent him running away yet again “You are not fine. This is three mornings in a row you’ve been throwing up after breakfast.” He said as Jun tried to scrape a persistent Nino off him.

“Maybe Matsujun’s pregnant!” Aiba said excitedly, bouncing up and dislodging a complaining Ohno, who just managed to grab the edge of the sofa in time to stop his head from hitting the floor.

Sho just sighed and rustled his newspaper loudly.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Jun grumbled as he returned to the sofa holding his stomach.

“No, wait, listen to me. Jun-kun has been sick for three mornings in a row right? He has been extra moody and really fussy about his food lately as well. He’s definitely expecting.”

“And you should be expecting a slap any minute now.” growled an annoyed Jun.

Ohno chimed in “You’re right about the throwing up thing, but the other two points are just Jun being Jun.”

“I think the fact that men can’t get pregnant is probably the main reason against you being right.” said Sho who against his better judgement had somehow found himself getting sucked into the conversation.

Aiba, never one to let reality stand in the way when he was in full flow, grabbed Jun’s feet and swung them up onto the sofa, dropping them on Ohno’s lap. “In your condition, you need to put your feet up and rest more.”

“Would you like a foot rub? Too much stress isn’t good for the baby.” Ohno said, unable to resist teasing his younger band mate.

There was a clunk from Sho’s side of the room where he had dropped his head to the desk and was making faint whimpering noises.

Nino had been sitting on the other side of the room, his head swinging back and forth as if watching a tennis match, happy to be left out of this particular conversation.

Unfortunately he caught Aiba’s eye and found himself to be his next target.

“Nino, it’s all your fault for knocking up our little Jun. You should have been more careful.”

Ohno, who was enjoying his role as Aiba’s sidekick joined in once again “That’s funny, I would never have pictured Nino as the top in this relationship.”

Nino and Jun both emitted an outraged squawk and another distressed whimper came from Sho’s general vicinity.

Fortunately, before things got further out of hand they were called to the studio to commence filming for the day. The others soon forgot about the whole incident, but Nino still wasn’t happy. He knew that no matter how much he denied it; there was something wrong with his boyfriend.

++++

He noticed that Jun didn’t touch more than a couple of bites of his lunch, merely moving it around on the plate before passing it over to Sho who happily finished it off as well as his own. After the earlier debacle he knew better than to tackle Jun with his concerns when the others were around, so he contented himself with watching him closely for the rest of the afternoon and keeping his mouth shut.

He could see Jun wincing a few times as he moved around and holding his stomach when he thought nobody was looking, but as soon as anyone was near he instantly straightened up and plastered a cheery expression on his face.

After filming was over Jun shot off with his manager to attend to his multiple commitments promoting his new drama series, waving Nino goodbye from a distance, obviously still wary of getting too close to his all too observant eyes.

It was three in the morning before Jun slipped into bed beside Nino with an exhausted sigh. As he rolled over to wrap his arm around his lover, Jun muttered something and tried to edge away from him. He soon realized why. The amount of heat radiating from his body was astonishing.

Nino sat up in bed “You have a fever!”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it. I’m fine…just go back to sleep.”

“It’s not nothing.” Nino said as went to fetch a fever patch and slapped it none too gently onto Jun’s forehead. “You’re sick.”

“I don’t have time to be sick. I’ll be fine in the morning.”

“Promise me you’ll see a doctor.”

“Mmmm, if I have time.” Jun mumbled as he fell asleep.

Three hours later when Nino had to leave, Jun was still asleep and his head felt much cooler when he kissed his forehead to check. But just to be on the safe side he left a note attached to the fridge with the doctor’s phone number on it written in thick black pen.

++++

When they next saw each other much later that same day, Jun seemed much better and moving more freely than he had on the previous day and Nino relaxed a bit until he asked “Did you manage to see the doctor?”

Jun shook his head “I felt much better this morning so I didn’t bother. Plus I really didn’t have any time to spare for something that isn’t really urgent.”

They managed to eat a hasty dinner together before they had to go their separate ways again as Jun was scheduled to film all night for his drama, but before Jun’s manager arrived to pick him up he had to once again run to the bathroom to throw up everything he had just eaten.

Nino was waiting for him as he emerged clutching his stomach. “This is ridiculous. I’m going to make your manager take you to the doctor straight away.”

“As I’ve already told you a hundred times, I’m fine.”

“This is fine?” Nino asked, poking Jun in the stomach lightly with his finger.

Jun hissed with pain, flinching at Nino’s touch.

Nino put his hand on his boyfriend’s arm to help steady him, but Jun shrugged him off saying angrily “Stop treating me like a baby. I’m perfectly OK.” The door buzzed, letting him know that his manager was waiting downstairs for him.

Jun brushed past an angry and frustrated Nino “Leave me be and stop fussing over me. You are not my mother and I am perfectly capable of looking after myself. I have enough on my plate at the moment, worrying about the rest of you and trying to get my own work done and I don’t have time to run to the doctor over every little thing.” he snarled over his shoulder as he headed to the door, wincing as he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder.

“Fine!” shouted Nino in return “I won’t worry about you at all. From now on you’re on your own, so don’t come crying to me and expect me to care when you’re sick next time since it’s not like I’m your mother or anything. As a matter of fact I hope you get really sick one day so I can just completely ignore you. That way you might just appreciate me a bit more.”

After Jun was gone, slamming the door hard on his way out, Nino collapsed on the sofa, brushing angry tears from his eyes. He was sick of Jun’s attitude when he was only trying to show him how much he cared. As far as he was concerned Jun could just suffer from now on because he was done with trying to help.

++++

Nino and Sho were on their way to a morning television appearance when Jun’s manager rang to say that Jun had collapsed on the set during filming and was being taken to the hospital. Knowing that Nino would want to be with him as soon as he could, their TV appearance had been cancelled and their driver, who had also just received a call, would immediately drive them there. At this stage he had no further information about Jun’s condition.

Nino didn't even realize that he'd dropped the phone until Sho bent down and retrieved it from the floor of the car and began firing a series of questions at Jun's distressed manager.

When Sho put the phone down and placed a comforting hand on Nino's knee, he couldn't hold back any longer, sobbing. "It's all my fault. I should have made sure he went to the doctor. I knew he was sick and I did nothing. I...I told him I didn't care about him. What if....?"

Sho turned him around to face him "Nino, it's not your fault. Jun is a grown man, not a child. He is responsible for his own health. You know what he's like. If one of us is sick he's like a mother hen, but when it comes to him being sick he ignores his problems and just carries on until he can't go on any more."

He pulled the crying ashen faced Nino close and held him tightly all the rest of the way to the hospital.

When they arrived, they were told that Jun was still being examined and that the doctor would come and speak to them as soon as he had any news. As they sat waiting, Sho was kept busy fielding calls from Aiba and Ohno who were both trying to get there as soon as possible, but Nino just sat staring into space, his face a bloodless mask as he kept running their last argument through his head.

He didn't even look up when the doctor finally arrived to talk to them. He was astonished to realize that Jun had listed him as his next of kin as the doctor explained that if not for that he would only have been authorized to pass information on to Jun's family members.

Nino grabbed Sho’s hand and held it tight enough to cut the circulation off as the doctor said “Firstly let me reassure you that Matsumoto-san will be fine.” He felt tears of relief welling in his eyes as he tried to listen as the doctor continued to speak.

“He has what we call a Grumbling Appendix. It occurs when there is a bacterial infection in the appendix itself. He is currently receiving high strength antibiotics via IV and strong pain relief. By his current state and his high fever he must have been in considerable pain for the last few days. As a matter of fact I don’t know how he hasn’t ended up in here earlier. In most patients that present with this disease the pain becomes too great after the first day or two forcing them to seek medical attention.”

Sho asked “Will he need an operation?”

“No, it’s not like acute appendicitis. We should be able to get things under control and send him home within the next week, once the antibiotics take effect and his fever subsides.”

Nino was glad that Sho was there to listen and ask questions because his mind had gone blank after hearing that Jun was going to be fine. All he wanted to do now was see him so he could reassure himself that the doctor was right.

++++

Nino’s heart was beating loudly as he walked to Jun’s private room. Sho, always discreet and wanting to give them some space as a couple, had told him that he would stay behind and wait for Aiba and Ohno to arrive after calling them to pass on the good news.
His hand was shaking as he slid the door open slowly and stepped inside.

++++

Jun was lying on the bed with an IV attached to one arm and multiple wires snaking around his body attached to important looking machinery. He looked so fragile that Nino just wanted to hold him close and never let him out of his sight again.

As he edged nervously closer to the bed worried that his boyfriend was still angry at him after their argument Jun’s eyes opened and he stared blearily at him “Kaz, why are you standing all the way over there?”

“Because if I come any closer I will be tempted to slap you. You’ve always been stubborn but I didn’t know you were stupid as well. Next time if you kill yourself don’t come crying to me afterwards.” He said as he flung himself onto Jun, careful not to press on his abdomen or pull out any wires.

“I love you too Kazu and I accept your apology.” Jun replied with a smile as he stroked his lover’s back tenderly. He was an expert at interpreting Nino-speak after all their time together.

“You’re right; I am both stubborn and stupid. It wasn’t fair of me to take my pain out on you. I knew that there was something terribly wrong with me but I thought that if I just denied its existence it would eventually just go away. Ever since Arashi began I’ve always been afraid of not being good enough, of holding the rest of you back, so I take on more than I can handle just to prove myself…” Jun’s eyes were drooping and his words became slurred as he drifted back into a fitful drugged sleep.

Nino remained perched on the edge of the bed as he brushed the hair back off Jun’s sweaty forehead and kissed him softly as he sat protectively watching over him as he slept. He knew how hard it was for his lover to admit his weaknesses and he loved him even more for being able to open up to him as he just had done although he wasn’t sure if Jun would even remember what he had said once the pain medication wore off.

When Jun woke up again a little while later, Nino asked him the question that had been at the forefront of his mind since the doctor had spoken to him earlier.

“You listed me as your next of kin?”

“Of course. Kazu, you are the most important person in the world to me. It’s only right that you should have a part in any crucial decisions to be made about my life, because if I didn’t have you my life would be worthless anyway.” Jun pulled Nino closer to him so he could look directly at him as he continued “You know that if circumstances were different we would already be married by now.”

"And I appreciate that but I meant it before when I said that I will hurt you myself if you don't take better care of yourself." Nino said as he helped Jun sit up a little in the bed, being careful not to cause him further pain.

Wincing slightly Jun tugged Nino closer until he was lying on the bed next to him. He cuddled as close to him as possible without disturbing any of the medical equipment. Nino nuzzled his face against his neck, breathing in Jun's reassuring scent saying in a very small voice "I don't know how to live without you anymore. I can remember what it was like to be me before we got together and I much prefer the person that I am now. I have never been more worried than I was when I got that call from your manager. Please don't make me go through that ever again."

Jun whispered weakly "I never meant to hurt you. I'm so sorry. I can't imagine life without you either and I meant what I said about my fears earlier. For your sake I'll try and be less stubborn."

Things were becoming all too serious until Aiba and Ohno burst through the door, dragging Sho behind them as he desperately clutched their arms trying to stop them from barging in. Aiba was clutching a bunch of balloons with "Best Wishes for a New Mother" written on the side and Ohno was carrying a blue teddy bear in one hand and a pink one in the other.

Nino jumped up off the bed, ready to protect his boyfriend from an overly boisterous Aiba, afraid that he might get carried away and squeeze him too tight.

"Congratulations you two! Sho didn't tell us if the baby is a boy or a girl so we've covered all the bases!" Aiba said excitedly.

“We didn’t expect you to be having it so soon. We didn’t even have a chance to throw you a baby shower.” Ohno added, skilfully dodging a swinging fist as he tried to make Nino take the twin bears.

Sho groaned and laughed at the same time "Do I really have to explain the facts of life to you guys again?"

Jun squeezed Nino's hand tightly as he finally understood that he didn't have to take things on alone, as he had always done in the past. With friends like these, and his caring lover, he could stop being in denial and admit that there were times that he couldn't handle everything. In the future he would never be ashamed to admit that he needed help.

He smiled quietly to himself, as laughter echoed around the room, feeling lighter than he had in a long while, as Nino told Aiba in no uncertain terms that they were not naming their firstborn son after him, while throwing the bears back in Ohno’s face.

++++

The others only stayed for half an hour, because by the end of that time Jun's face was drawn with pain and his eyes were glazed with fever. Nino saw the change and immediately pressed the call button and threw the others out ignoring their protests. The staff soon bustled in to give Jun further treatment and medication forcing Nino temporarily into the hallway. Aiba and Ohno, now completely serious, hugged him and kissed his cheek offering words of support and comfort. He allowed himself to cling tightly to Aiba for just a minute, drawing strength from his best friend before pulling himself upright and shooing him away. Sho lingered offering his support if he wanted to rest, but there was no way that he would leave Jun's side until he had reassured himself that he was going to be fine.

After ten minutes he was allowed back into Jun's room where his boyfriend was looking blearily around with distressed expression as if he had sensed that Nino had left him. He immediately rushed over, perching on the side of his bed, reassuring him that he wasn't alone.

As he sat and softly stroked Juns cheek, lulling him back into a restless sleep he realized that this crisis had made him certain that he couldn't imagine a life without this beautiful human being.

When he'd met Aiba he knew instantly that he had found a friend for life, and when he had met Jun shortly after he figured that it was the same with him too. But something had gradually changed over the years until it became more than friendship, something that he had found hard to admit to himself at that time. Jun had been the bold one, the one who confessed his love first, seemingly so sure that his feelings were returned that he didn't have the slightest fear of rejection.

Nino thought that this was the greatest gift that Jun had given him, the strength to be himself and not to apologize for that. The years of bullying that he'd endured still left their scars on his heart and soul, but Jun's all encompassing love and faith in him had restored him, preventing him from becoming the bitter loner that he had thought was his ultimate destiny.

The only way that he knew how to repay that was to continue to love Jun with all his heart and do what he thought was best for him. Next time if he felt something was wrong he would persist, and make sure that his lover received the help that he needed, even at the risk of Jun getting mad with him. He wouldn't give in and he would refuse to give up as he had this time.

With all of these thoughts buzzing through his mind, he lowered his head onto the mattress beside his love, clutching his hand tightly as if to reassure himself that he really was going to be ok. As he fell into an exhausted sleep, he heard Jun murmur "Love you." and he drifted off with a smile on his lips.

Note: One down, three to go. As always comments and criticism are appreciated.

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: EXO - Playboy

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

helene-san.livejournal.com

This story was really cute and funny!

“Nino, it’s all your fault for knocking up our little Jun. You should have been more careful.” LOOOL!!
That was the best part :D

From:

Oh precious days, always brimming with happiness

A State of Denial

Page Summary

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags