A Small Chance of Happiness
Dec. 24th, 2016 07:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
learashiPairing: Junba
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Hoping for a fresh start, Jun joins his best friend Nino at university. Although it's the furthest thing from what he wants Jun soon begins to feel an attraction towards his roommate Aiba. Will he be able to escape the hold of his traumatic past and eventually find happiness?
Warnings: Mention of non-con in the past (no graphic descriptions though). Also deals with the ongoing repercussions of non-con, including present day emotional issues.
A/N: This was originally written for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
yukitsubute at ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fishing_mj exchange. Since I am a bad fan and didn't write anything new for Aiba's birthday I saved this up to repost now to celebrate the big day.
"J, why are you making me carry your boxes of stuff while you've only got that one bag?" Nino complained as he almost stumbled at the top of the stairs. For some reason the elevator was stopped here on the third floor and not budging in either direction.
Jun pushed his glasses up his nose with his free hand and turned to glare at his best friend before replying, "This bag has all of my camera equipment in it, and you know that nobody else is allowed to touch it but me."
"Well, I know that, you always threaten to cut my fingers off if I touch your stuff. I can ignore that. What I don't understand is why you're so annoyed with me," Nino replied, as he attempted to not drop anything, and risk angering his friend any further.
"Because you filled in your application for housing too late and now I have to share a room with a complete stranger."
"But so do I," Nino protested as they made their way along the corridor looking for Jun's room.
"Yes, but you can talk to new people and make friends, while for me..." Jun mumbled.
"I know J, and I'm really sorry. I know it's hard for you to trust people after what happened, but you only have to share a living space, not your personal life," Nino replied encouragingly. "Plus, if you need me, I'll just be one floor away."
Jun looked slightly frightened at the prospect of Nino being that far away if his nightmares returned, but he decided that since it was their first day at university, it was his chance to become a new person. Perhaps he could start anew and forget the past.
Nino had helped him to study, raising his grades enough for him to enable to join Nino at the school of his choice. Jun was to study photography, while Nino was majoring in music. Jun knew that if he hadn't been accepted at the same school as his friend, he would never have the courage to pursue his ambitions.
They made their way slowly, checking the numbers on doors as they went, Nino complaining the entire way.
As they finally found Jun's room, Nino gratefully dropped his load onto the floor. Jun was about to complain at the shoddy treatment of his possessions, when their attention was distracted by a ruckus coming from further along the corridor where the elevator was located.
A large red sofa appeared to be wedged between the doors. Two men were trying to dislodge the oversized piece of furniture without any apparent success.
"It's no use. This is never going to budge. Maybe we should just chop it in half," said the dark-haired one who was ineffectually tugging at one arm of the trapped item.
"No way, Sho-chan.” A head popped up from the depths of the elevator. It was attached to a lanky man with dyed light brown hair. “Just let me give it one last push."
"Look, Aiba-chan, nothing moved even a little bit. Just let me get the janitor to dismantle it," Sho said.
The rest of the conversation was lost as Jun and Nino carried Jun's belongings into his room.
One bed was already strewn with an odd assortment of items and a half eaten donut. The other occupant of the room had obviously already claimed it as his own.
Jun looked at the mess with distaste, before carefully placing his things down on the other side of the room.
"I guess I better go and see if my own roommate has turned up yet and finish unpacking my stuff," Nino said.
Jun shot him a look of panic, his heart suddenly racing at the prospect of being left alone with a complete stranger.
Nino, sensing his friend's fear, hugged him carefully, and reassured him that he was only a quick call away. "Remember, this is your fresh start. Nobody here knows you, or about your past. You can be whoever you want to be, without fear."
"I know that, and I really want to try, but I don't know if I can..." Jun began, clinging tightly to Nino.
The door burst open, and the tall brown-haired man from the elevator rushed into the room clutching a cushion from the sofa to his chest.
He slid to a halt, and looked at the two men hugging, "Oops, I hope I'm not interrupting anything important. I mean, if I am, I can leave and come back later, if you two want to, you know. You could hang a sock on the doorknob or something as a code."
The pair sprang apart and looked at him with astonishment. He had the cushion in front of his face to block his view of them.
"It's fine. I was just going," Nino said as he gave Jun's arm a comforting squeeze as made a move to leave.
"This is my friend ," Jun replied, with a glare at the same time.
"Oh, right. Sorry for jumping to conclusions. I'm your roommate, Aiba Masaki. Pleased to make your acquaintance," the stranger replied, holding out his hand for Jun to shake.
Jun backed away slightly as Nino stepped forward to shake hands instead.
"Ninomiya Kazunari, but please, call me Nino," he said as his hand was squeezed firmly and shaken enthusiastically.
"Matsumoto Jun; I'm the one sharing with you," Jun said, as he picked up his bag, making it impossible for Aiba to attempt to shake hands with him once more.
"Great! Sorry about the mess. My friend Sho-chan has been helping me move my stuff," Aiba said. "Ah, that's where his donut got to," he said as he picked it up and put it in his pocket.
Jun couldn't quite believe his eyes. Aiba was extraordinarily good looking, with warm, almond shaped eyes and fine features, but he seemed to have dressed himself by throwing on a random armful of clothes in the dark. The strange thing was that it all seemed to work, especially the extremely ripped jeans that hugged his body. But even though the tall man looked like an angel, he seemed to possess a rather eccentric personality, if the donut in his pocket and the sofa cushion in his arms were any indicators.
Aiba held the cushion out in front of him as if testing to see where he might place the sofa. "I don't think this is going to fit after all. I'd better get Sho-chan to take it back to my parents’ house. If you could just help us push it back into the elevator?"
"Um, sure," Jun replied, filled with relief that what little free space that was left in their room wasn't about to be engulfed by the giant chair. "Perhaps you could give your friend his donut back at the same time?"
"Thanks for reminding me. I can see that we are going to get along just great," Aiba chirped, as he pulled the slightly squashed and fluffy looking donut out of his pocket and dusted it off lightly.
~~~~
"He is driving me crazy," Jun complained as he handed Nino a cup of coffee.
They were sitting in Nino's room after eating dinner, enjoying the peace and privacy that Jun's room certainly didn't offer.
After two weeks at school, Nino had seen his roommate only a few times. Apparently Ohno was studying dance and spent most of his time in the rehearsal rooms. He visited their shared room only briefly each day, not even always returning to sleep there. Apparently he possessed the ability to sleep almost anywhere, and often fell asleep in random friend's rooms or on comfortable pieces of floor rather than returning home for the night.
Jun only wished that he had been so lucky. Aiba, who seemed to be studying art of some sort, was a constant presence in their shared room. He could sit for hours fiddling with strange arrangements of random items or talking loudly on the phone with his friend Sho, who was attending a different university, studying medicine.
"From my chats with him, he seems really friendly," Nino replied, before taking an appreciative sip of his coffee. Jun could always be relied upon to buy the most expensive kind.
"That's the problem. He keeps talking to me, and expecting me to talk back to him in return," Jun huffed.
"J, I hate to break it to you, but that's what other people do all the time. It's called having a conversation," Nino said gently. "I know it's hard, but perhaps you should give it a try"
"Why?"
"Remember you said that you would promise to try and forget the past and move on? Don't let him ruin the rest of your life. That would mean that you let him win."
Jun abruptly got to his feet and tried to leave, but Nino gripped his wrist, holding him in place.
Ignoring Jun's glare, Nino continued, “Don't you think it's about time you stopped running?"
"I...it's just hard, you know? I know that everyone isn't like him, but I find it really difficult to not imagine that they are."
"I know, and that's why I'm here for you, always," Nino said softly.
"Thank you," Jun replied, as he sat back down next to Nino, with a sigh. "I don't know where I'd be right now if not for you and your family."
"All I ask is for you to try. Okay?"
"Okay."
~~~~
Aiba was once again twisting random pieces of metal together when Jun returned to his room. Jun couldn't help noticing his roommate’s long fingers as they manipulated the wires with complete confidence.
"I brought you a coffee." Jun said brusquely, as he banged it down on the desk next to Aiba's artwork, its contents sloshing dangerously against the lid.
"Thank you MatsuJun. I have some cookies that my mother made here somewhere, if you'd like one?"
Jun groaned inwardly at Aiba's use of the nickname that he had made up during their first week sharing their living space. No matter how much he had protested, the name had stuck.
Remembering Nino’s advice about being more open to people and possible friendship, Jun found himself agreeing to Aiba’s offer as he pulled a chair over to the desk and placed his own coffee next to his roommate’s.
“Here. They’re triple choc chip, and really good,” Aiba said as he shoved the box in Jun’s direction. At the same time Jun reached out and their fingers brushed against each other. A spark of electricity shot between them, causing Aiba to drop the cookies. They both dove to grab them and somehow ended up entangled together on the floor.
For one tiny moment, Jun found himself staring into the beautiful eyes of his roommate and his heart gave a miniscule flip of interest before he realized what he was doing. Instantly panic set in at being in such a position. His heart raced out of control as he struggled to break free. It had taken him a long time to be able to stand being touched by others, even just in passing, but this was beyond what he could handle.
Ripping himself free, Jun pulled himself to his feet and raced to the bathroom, locking himself in as he attempted to calm his breathing, clenching his fists tightly at his sides as Aiba called out, asking whether he was okay.
~~~~
“So what did you tell him?” Nino asked the next day, as they walked towards the cafeteria for lunch.
“I told him that I have some problems with touching. I didn’t go into any detail and he seemed to understand and respect that I didn’t want to talk about it,” Jun replied.
“That is a really big step forward for you. I think that is probably the first time you have admitted that to anyone but me,” Nino said. “There must be something about this guy that makes you feel comfortable.”
“Nino, I freaked out and locked myself in the bathroom because he touched my hand. I’d hardly call that ‘comfortable’.” Jun replied as they gathered their food onto their trays and looked for a place to sit.
Aiba was sitting alone at a table and he stood and madly waved his hand above his head to attract their attention, while yelling, “Hey guys, over here.”
“I think Aiba might want us to sit with him,” Nino laughed.
“Yep, he’s subtle like that,” Jun replied.
As Nino and Aiba chatted about their day so far, Jun found his mind drifting. Aiba’s face was so animated when he talked; almost matching his flailing hands in expressiveness. Jun was once again drawn to his eyes and the way his plump lips moved when he spoke. Unlike Jun’s own closed world, Aiba seemed to be open to friendship with anybody, if the number of people who greeted him as they passed by the table was any indication.
“So do you think that it would be a good idea?” Aiba asked, looking at Jun expectantly.
Jun had only a vague idea what the other two had been talking about for the last ten minutes; his mind distracted by the feelings that were sneaking unbidden into his heart.
“You could both bring along your girlfriends,” Aiba added.
“My last girlfriend dumped me a couple of months ago,” Nino replied with a grimace.
“Girls don’t interest me,“ Jun inadvertently blurted, still only half listening to the conversation, as he idly wondered if Aiba was in a relationship with “Sho-chan”. He immediately blushed furiously as he realized that he’d said the words out loud.
Nino looked at him with astonishment; usually Jun was extremely tight-lipped regarding his sexual orientation.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Aiba said, looking at Jun with sudden interest. “But I’m sure you would enjoy the day anyway. Everybody loves the beach.”
“Ha! You don’t know Nino,” Jun said, attempting to shift Aiba’s attention away from him. “His skin burns if he gets too close to a lightbulb.”
Nino glared across the table at Jun with dangerously narrowed eyes as he said, “We’d both love to join you. I’ll try and ask my roommate to come too but I haven’t seen him for the past three days. He was last seen sleeping in the laundry room. He’s possibly still there somewhere, buried under a pile of abandoned socks.”
~~~~
Much to Jun’s dismay, arrangements were made for Aiba to drive them to the beach in three weeks’ time, when they would all be free from classes for four days straight. Aiba planned to rent a couple of cheap motel rooms for them to share for a couple of nights. He had this idea that they would be able to use the beach setting as inspiration for their end of semester projects. Apparently Nino had said yes for the both of them while Jun had been daydreaming about the little crinkles around Aiba’s dark eyes when he smiled, and his nimble long fingers which were playing with the sugar packets on the table.
Deep in Jun’s heart he had never expected to feel an attraction for anyone ever again. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that he was still a sexual being and that no matter how traumatic his past he and how hard he tried to deny it, his feelings about his roommate were changing day-by-day.
Jun tried to tell himself that it was ridiculous to be experiencing such feelings for someone he had only known for just over two weeks, but apparently his heart was studiously ignoring his head and going its own way.
~~~~
Jun had just switched the water off in the shower when he heard the bathroom door open. He hadn’t bothered to lock it because as far as he knew Aiba was across campus working on one of his random object sculptures and not due back for at least another hour.
Before he had time to think, the shower curtain was flung back and he was confronted by his completely naked roommate.
“Aaaaargh!” Aiba yelled as he recoiled in shock, bouncing off the wall in his haste to grab his discarded towel.
Jun was frozen to the spot in terror as a blood curdling scream filled the room. He was unaware that the sound came from him until he noticed Aiba backing away with a look of horror on his face. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Jun was finally able to pull the curtain back into place and yell at Aiba to get out.
Aiba was wearing only a towel around his waist as he sat on his bed when Jun emerged, wrapped tightly in his bathrobe a few minutes later.
“You almost gave me a heart attack,” Aiba complained.
“I, gave you…?”
“That scream was like something out of a horror movie. I thought my heart was going to stop. Why didn’t you lock the door if it’s such a big problem for you?” Aiba asked, looking at Jun if there was something wrong with him.
“You weren’t supposed to be home. I thought you were working,” replied Jun, as he tried to avert his eyes from Aiba’s bare chest.
“Well, lock it next time, just to be sure. I don’t think my heart can stand another shock like that any time soon,” Aiba said angrily as he stood up to head back to the bathroom. “Anyone would think that I was trying to murder you.”
“I’m sorry,” Jun murmured. To his great shame, he felt tears springing up in the corner of his eyes. He clenched his fists tightly and squeezed his eyes shut, unsuccessfully trying to stem the flow.
Aiba noticed this and made a move back towards Jun, holding out his hand and saying in a softer tone, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Jun flinched away and muttered, “I’m fine. Please just go and shower and put some clothes on.”
“But you’re obviously upset and it’s my fault.”
“Please,” Jun said, turning away from Aiba’s searching gaze. “Please just do as I ask.”
Aiba reluctantly left the room, casting a concerned look over his shoulder as he went.
Jun was angry with himself for overreacting and frightening Aiba half to death. He wished that he had the courage to explain why he was so afraid, but he was scared of Aiba’s reaction. At school he had been severely bullied and told that he had got everything that he’d deserved and his parents had silently agreed and done nothing to remedy the situation.
Nino had been the one person to stick up for him at school; the one reason for Jun to go on living, when he had harboured thoughts of ending the misery once and for all.
Nino’s parents had been wonderful as well, allowing Jun to move into their house and share Nino’s bedroom for their final year in High School. It had been cramped, fitting two mattresses into the narrow space, but they had managed it and both managed to get accepted by the same college, much to Nino’s parents’ great pride.
Jun's own parents gave him a more than generous allowance and offered to pay his expenses while he was at school, but had basically disowned him from the moment that he had left their house. Jun knew that it was guilt that made them cover his expenses, but he had no problem accepting their financial assistance since they had been partially responsible for his troubles in the first place.
Taking photographs and talking to Nino had pulled him through his darkest times and he had no wish to return there again.
Jun hastily dressed before taking his camera in hand, as he left the room. He hoped that when he returned his roommate would already be asleep and he would be able to avoid answering any more awkward questions. But as he walked around on the hunt for suitable subjects, all he could see was the beautiful birthmark on Aiba’s left shoulder and the way that it moved when he flexed his arm.
~~~~
By tacit agreement they spoke no more about the shower incident, but Jun could feel Aiba’s gaze on him sometimes when he thought that Jun wasn’t looking.
Two days later, Jun returned to their room to find a present on his desk. Messily wrapped, it turned out to be one of Aiba’s sculptures. Although completely abstract in appearance, Jun could see that it was a tree, budding with all the promise of early spring. It seemed to be the perfect depiction of the new life that Jun was struggling to make for himself.
Reaching out a finger to gently touch the little tree, Jun wondered how Aiba had been able to see into his heart, since Jun had never spoken to him on anything more than superficial subjects.
~~~~
When Aiba came in later that evening, he was surprised by a beautifully decorated box of cookies sitting on his pillow.
The label attached, in Jun’s precise handwriting, told him that they were dark chocolate, triple choc chip cookies.
Aiba could have sworn that they were homemade, but where on earth would Jun be able to bake them? Cooking was not permitted in any of the student housing.
They were perfectly rich and fudgy, chewy in texture, with a slightly bitter aftertaste from the dark chocolate. Aiba couldn’t contain his moan of pleasure as he allowed the chocolate to melt on his tongue.
Jun, who had just stepped through the door juggling two cups of coffee, froze in place. A red flush crept up his chest and neck to his face, as Aiba moaned once again, before licking some melted chocolate from his fingertips.
Jun’s keys slipped from his fingers and clattered to the floor, as he tried to back out of the room without being noticed.
Aiba almost fell off his chair and the cookie in his hand was catapulted across the room as his hand jerked convulsively with fright.
“MatsuJun, just tell me if you want a different roommate. There’s no need to try and kill me,” Aiba squawked before choking on a large cookie crumb.
Aiba felt as if he was never going to be able to breathe ever again and he coughed convulsively, trying desperately to dislodge the food lodged in his throat. Flailing his arms around, he unsuccessfully tried to hit himself on the back.
Jun’s concern for Aiba overrode his fear of physical contact as he swiftly moved across the room to hit his roommate firmly between the shoulder blades. Aiba eventually coughed up the offending piece of cookie and was then finally able to take a shuddering breath.
As his stricken roommate gratefully gulped in air, Jun continued to rub his hand soothingly up and down Aiba’s spine. It was only when Aiba managed to gasp out a thank you, that Jun realized what he was doing.
Jun immediately retreated back to his side of the room and picked up the abandoned coffee, holding it out to Aiba to help lubricate his dry throat.
“What was I just saying about you trying to kill me?” Aiba laughed.
“I’m sorry. I never seem to be able to do anything right,” Jun said as his fingers twisted into a nervous knot on his lap.
“I’m joking,” Aiba replied. “These cookies are delicious. You must tell me which bakery they came from, so I can get them again.”
“Um, I made them myself,” Jun responded shyly.
“How? I mean, where did you bake them since there’s no kitchen around here?”
“Up on Nino’s floor there’s a guy called Kame who has a toaster oven hidden in his room. I simply had to make a double batch and give him half in payment for the use of it.”
“Wow, I didn’t think that you would be the type to break the rules,” Aiba said admiringly.
“Looks can be deceiving,” Jun replied, in a bleak voice.
~~~~
Jun found himself looking forward to chatting with Aiba in the evenings before they went to sleep.
They would lie in the dark and talk about anything and everything until they dozed off. It was somehow easier to talk freely when you couldn't see the other person's face.
Aiba always had a lot to say about his friend Sho-chan, who seemed to be more of a big brother to him than a friend. They went to the same school, but Sho was a year ahead. It seemed that Sho stood up for Aiba when Aiba was seen kissing a boy after school one day. The popular kids had sniffed blood in the water and tried to make Aiba's life a misery. Sho had been horrified at their treatment of someone who had never been anything less than kind and friendly to everyone that he knew, and had become Aiba's best friend and protector.
Jun was surprised that someone who was so relentlessly cheerful and had such a positive outlook on life, had, in some way, suffered the same bullying and prejudiced behaviour that he had.
~~~~
The weather was perfect when they arrived at the beach. The sun was shining brightly and the waves were gentle, with a soft breeze preventing it from becoming too hot.
By a miracle, Nino's roommate had turned up at Aiba's car on time, with a rucksack clutched in his hand. After mumbling a greeting, he deposited himself on the backseat and pulled his hat over his eyes. He was asleep before they even made it onto the highway.
Jun sat up front next to Aiba, chatting happily as they drove. Nino meanwhile slumped in his seat, periodically poking Ohno whenever he snored, as he followed with interest what was being said by Jun and Aiba. What surprised Nino the most was the amount of flirting that was going on up front, and the fact that the pair of them seemed to be completely unaware that they were even doing it.
They dumped their bags into the rickety looking motel that Aiba had booked for them while Nino complained about cockroaches, and the fact that he would be putting them in Aiba's food if he found any. Ohno instantly stripped off his shirt, revealing a breathtakingly muscled torso, before he strode off towards the beach, not bothering with sun cream or his hat, which was left lying on the floor next to his bag. Nino, who was in the middle of rubbing what looked like an entire tube of lotion onto the tiny bits of skin that he had showing, stared after him with hatred tinged envy.
While Nino sat under a scrawny tree, trying to find as much shade as possible, Aiba and Jun swam. They had walked along the shore away from the crowded main beach, where Ohno was last seen chatting to two giggly girls, until they found a deserted piece of sand that they had all to themselves.
Aiba was puzzled that Jun kept his shirt on when he went in the water, but figured that he just didn't want to get sunburned. Despite the shirt Jun was a beautiful swimmer, slicing smoothly through the waves as gracefully as a dolphin.
For the first time since they had met, Jun seemed to be completely at ease and relaxed, as he ran up the beach to where Nino was huddled reading a book. Jun snuck silently up to him and squeezed the water out of his shirt over the back of Nino's neck.
The shock made Nino's entire body convulse with fright as he emitted a girlish squeal.
"I hate you," Nino shrieked as Jun shook himself like a dog, flinging even more water over him.
"No you don't, you think I'm cute," Jun responded with a toothy grin.
At that very moment Nino couldn't argue. Jun was looking like his old self, happy and alive. This was a version of Jun that Nino had sorely missed.
"Don't worry Nino, I will avenge you," Aiba cried dramatically as he joined in the fun.
Aiba ran up the beach and grabbed Jun around the waist from behind, planning on carrying him down to the sea and dropping him in.
The last thing that he expected was that Jun would start screaming. As high pitched wails of absolute terror came out of Jun's mouth, Aiba instantly released his grip on Jun's waist, horrified at what he had done.
Jun was still screaming as he fell to his knees, his eyes unfocused as his mind took him back to that night. He could feel the pain and the humiliation as if it was happening all over again. In Jun's mind he was no longer on a sunny beach with his friends; instead he was in a dark classroom with the smell of his own blood in his nostrils.
As Aiba looked on helplessly, Nino rushed to Jun's side, speaking calmly and firmly to him, trying to bring him back to his senses.
"Make yourself useful and look in Jun's bag. There should be a bottle of pills. Bring me two with the bottle of water in my bag. Don't just stand there staring. That isn't going to help."
Aiba finally managed to unstick his feet and do as Nino requested. Jun had stopped the unearthly screaming, but he was still rocking, his entire body trembling.
As if in a trance, he meekly took the pills that Nino placed in his mouth, while Nino continued to comfort him.
Eventually Jun calmed down, and Nino helped him to his feet.
"We will go back to the motel and you can sleep. When you wake up you will feel better," Nino said to Jun, still using the same calming tone of voice.
Jun merely nodded, the medication was already making him sleepy.
Aiba hovered uneasily in the background, staying out of Jun's line of sight. He picked up their belongings and trailed along behind as the other two walked slowly to their accommodation.
Nino tucked Jun into the scratchy sheets, humming softly as he did so. As Jun's eyelids flickered closed, Nino sang softly to him, until he was sure that he was asleep.
"We need to talk," Nino said softly to Aiba as they quietly backed out of the room.
"Is it okay to leave him like this? Shouldn’t we call a doctor?" Aiba found his own voice sounding very shaky. "I didn't mean anything by what I did."
"He’s fine now that he’s taken his medication. He will sleep for a couple of hours. In the meantime, let's go to the other room. I know you didn't mean to hurt him. That's why there are things that you need to know about Jun, and about the past."
~~~~
“I’m only going to tell you this because I know that Jun likes you and I get the feeling that you care about him a lot in return. But you must promise not to breathe a word of what I’m about to say to anyone else,” Nino said.
“I promise. I feel so bad about what happened and I want to make sure that I never hurt him like that again,” Aiba replied, his voice still trembling.
“Okay,” Nino said, taking a deep breath to calm himself, before beginning his story. “At the beginning of our second year in High School, a new maths teacher arrived at our school. He was young and handsome and very charming. Most of the students and probably half the teachers fell in love with him instantly. But no matter how much the others pursued him, the only person he showed any interest in was Jun. He even went to Jun’s parents and offered to give him extra tuition after school to help bring his grades up.
During those sessions he started touching Jun and telling him that he was beautiful. He told him that as soon as Jun graduated they would be together. Unfortunately Jun believed every word he said.
It progressed to kissing, and then that monster wanted more. He told Jun that unless he performed oral sex on him he would tell everyone that Jun was throwing himself at him and offering him sex in return for good grades. He told him that he would make sure that Jun wouldn’t get into the university of his choice, and that he would tell Jun’s parents about him being gay.”
Aiba’s eyes grew moist as Nino continued his story, his hands balling into angry fists as he heard what Jun had been forced to suffer. “That’s terrible. Why didn’t anyone stop it from happening?”
“Because Jun told nobody, not even me,” Nino replied angrily. “Do you really think that I would have just stood by and done nothing?”
“I’m sorry,” Aiba said quietly.
“Soon forcing his filthy cock into Jun’s mouth wasn’t enough and he decided that he wanted much more. Jun refused. He was sick of these games and wanted to make an end, no matter what the consequences for him would be.”
“So what happened then?” Aiba asked, fearing that he already knew the answer to that question.
“He decided that if Jun wasn’t willing to offer himself freely than he would just take what he wanted by force. When he was finished, he left Jun lying bruised and bloody on the floor of the classroom, confident he could do what he wanted, whenever he wanted and Jun could do nothing to prevent it.”
Nino was finding it hard to finish his story, since his voice was choked by angry tears, but he knew that Aiba had to know everything if he was going into a possible relationship with his best friend.
“What that animal didn’t realize then, was that he had finally pushed Jun too far. Jun was so broken; he just didn’t care about what happened to him in the future, he just wanted the torture to stop. While he was still lying on that dirty floor he called the police and reported the rape. Jun spent two weeks in the hospital recovering from his physical injuries, but the mental scars are still with him today.”
“And the teacher?”
“The school reluctantly dismissed him, despite a wave of protest from parents and students who didn’t believe that he could have done the terrible things that he was accused of, but after Jun stood up in court and gave evidence against him, he was convicted and sent to prison.”
“But surely that would have helped Jun’s recovery?”
“So you would think, but it was just the beginning. People blamed Jun for what happened. They said that he had corrupted the teacher and forced him into a homosexual relationship against his will. He was bullied by students and staff alike, for the rest of his time at school. I wanted him to change schools but he refused; it was as if he was punishing himself for what happened. His parents, who hadn’t known he was gay, virtually disowned him although they still support him financially; to appease their guilt, I suppose. They must have seen a change in his behaviour when this all started but they chose to ignore it. When my parents found out that his parents had thrown him out, they invited him to stay with us,” Nino said in a voice filled with frustration.
“And I just grabbed him from behind, with no warning. No wonder he broke down. He told me that he was sensitive to touch when we first moved in together and I just ignored him. I am a horrible, horrible, person,” Aiba wailed, placing his head in his hands.
“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t possibly have known the seriousness of Jun’s problems. But now that you do, if you hurt him in any way, even the slightest little bit, I will personally cut your balls off and shove them down your throat,” Nino said with a look that told Aiba that he was deadly serious.
Aiba responded in an equally serious voice that mirrored Nino’s, “I promise that if I ever do anything to hurt him like that, then I will hand you the knife.”
“Then I’ll do everything within my power to persuade Jun to date you. If there is even the smallest chance of happiness, I want Jun to grab it with both hands, and begin to live again. Otherwise that animal that almost destroyed him will continue to control Jun’s life forever.”
~~~~
Jun was awake but still lying in bed, curled into a tiny ball, facing the wall, when Nino and Aiba entered the motel room.
Aiba hung back nervously as Nino approached Jun carefully; he was terrified that the mere sight of him would set Jun off again. He stood across the room as far away as possible and tried not to not spook Jun with his presence.
“J, are you feeling any better?” Nino asked softly, as he perched on the edge of the bed.
“I feel like an idiot, that’s how I’m feeling right now,” Jun replied huskily. “Aiba must think that I’m a complete basket case.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t, but he does feel badly about what happened. He really likes you and never meant to hurt you.”
“Why on earth would anybody like me?”
“Because you’re beautiful, and artistic, and funny, and you cook the best hamburgers in the country. You, my friend, are what’s known as a catch.”
“I can’t see him wanting to catch me when he finds out that I’m damaged goods,” Jun replied bitterly.
Nino took a deep breath, unsure of what Jun’s reaction would be, as he said, “What if I told you that he already knows about your past and that it makes absolutely no difference to the way that he feels about you?”
Jun spun around to face Nino, his face almost incandescent with anger, “How dare you? You had no right.”
“No right to try and find a shred of happiness for you? To put Aiba’s mind at ease, when he felt like the worst person on the planet after the way you reacted earlier? Jun, none of it was your fault. You have to stop punishing yourself like this. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.”
“That’s true,” agreed Aiba, as he moved slowly towards the pair on the bed.
Jun looked up, startled, as he realized that Aiba was in the room with them.
“When I look at you I don’t see damaged goods. I just see Jun, and from here you look pretty wonderful. Please give me another chance. I promise to take things as slowly as you want, and I will never touch you again without asking for your permission first, but please allow me to date you,” Aiba added with absolute sincerity.
Jun wanted to be angry, to protest, to throw Aiba out of the room, but instead he found himself hesitantly agreeing to give him a chance, while Nino heaved a relieved sigh.
~~~~
It was very strange to be dating someone that you were also roommates with. By unspoken agreement, as soon as they returned to their shared room, they reverted back to just being friends.
When they did go out together it was under the watchful eye of Nino, who was their self-appointed chaperone. He vetted any date plans that Aiba had, and made sure that Jun was returned safely after each romantic excursion.
Aiba was the perfect gentleman on these dates, caring and considerate of Jun's feelings at all times. After a few weeks this finally paid off, when Jun slipped his hand nervously into Aiba's as they walked home after seeing a movie together.
Both of their hearts seemed to speed up at this small amount of contact. Their fingers fit perfectly together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
Nino was waiting outside the building, leaning nonchalantly against the wall as they walked up the path. Jun's hand was still firmly within Aiba's grasp, a fact which didn't escape Nino's notice.
"About time you two got home,” Nino asked sarcastically. “Did you deliberately come back the long way?" he added, as he unsuccessfully attempted to suppress a grin.
"Of course not," Jun replied, blushing furiously.
"Right, since you two are finally here, I will be sleeping in your room tonight. My mysterious roommate has a girl up there again. Why is it that the only time I ever see him is when he wants to have sex with some random person?" Nino sighed.
"Never mind," chirped Aiba, "It will be like having a slumber party. Perhaps Jun will even bake us some cookies, if Kame's oven is free?" he added while looking at Jun with puppy eyes.
~~~~
Aiba's pleading and complaints about being starved, in spite of eating a jumbo tub of popcorn by himself at the cinema, had soon made Jun cave in. After whipping up batch of dough for Aiba's favourite chocolate cookies Jun carried it upstairs to Kame and his communal toaster oven.
Nino was happy to have the opportunity to quiz Aiba on the latest step forward that he'd observed earlier.
"So?" Nino quirked an eyebrow in Aiba's direction.
"I don't know what you mean," replied Aiba, trying desperately to quell the blush he felt creeping up his neck.
"Who started it? You didn't just grab him did you?"
"Of course not," came Aiba's indignant reply. "I couldn’t believe it when he took my hand. I thought I was going to throw up with nerves."
"This is a good sign. If you could just manage to look harmlessly sexy, we might manage to get him to try a kiss next time."
Aiba was looking at Nino with wide eyes as he nervously licked his plump lips as he contemplated the prospect.
Nino was pleased with the way things were going. There was no way that Jun would be able to resist Aiba for long if he continued to look like that.
~~~~
Their first kiss actually happened quite soon after and in such a natural way, that they both wondered what they had been so worried about in the first place.
Jun was sitting at his desk, flipping through some proofs when Aiba sidled into the room, obviously hiding something behind his back.
Aiba's plan to appear nonchalant was ruined when he tripped over his waste paper basket and almost fell on his face as he tried to protect the object he was concealing from being damaged in the fall.
Without even thinking, Jun jumped up and grabbed Aiba by the upper arms to steady him. They stood, their noses almost touching, for what seemed like forever until Jun shyly pulled away.
Aiba sheepishly ducked his head, trying to slow down his heart, which had unaccountably begun to race at Jun's touch.
"Um, here," Aiba said, as he thrust forward his hand. "This is for you. Sho-chan suggested that you might like it since you seemed to like the first one, and he's usually right about these things, although he only likes girls, so he might be completely wrong, and I'm babbling like an idiot aren't I?"
If he was being perfectly honest, Jun hadn't really heard a word of anything Aiba had just said. He was, instead gazing with absolute wonder at the gift sitting on the palm of Aiba's hand.
It was another tiny tree, similar to the one that Aba had given him earlier, but different in its own way. This one depicted a cherry tree in full bloom, tiny metal blossoms trembling on the tips of its slender branches.
It was the most beautiful and special thing that Jun had ever seen. Cradling it lovingly in his left hand, he reached over and hugged Aiba tightly. Winding his arms around his boyfriend's neck, he leant forwards and pressed a soft kiss to Aiba's lips.
Aiba froze momentarily, terrified that Jun would become frightened if he returned the kiss. But Jun continued to gently explore his lips, so Aiba responded in in turn, nibbling on Jun's lower lip as he familiarized himself with the soft skin.
Jun slid his free hand behind Aiba's head, entangling his fingers in his hair as his lips parted slightly. Aiba tentatively pressed the tip of his tongue into the tiny gap between Jun's lips, seeking permission to enter, which was willingly given as Jun opened his mouth with a soft moan.
They both lost track of time as they stood there sharing passionate, but gentle, kisses until they both ran out of breath. As they reluctantly pulled apart, Jun looked at Aiba with unfocused eyes and reddened, moist lips, as he breathed "Thank you. You have given me the most special gift I could ever receive."
As they stared into each other's eyes, they both knew that Jun wasn't only referring to the sculpture.
~~~~
"Nino, what's it feel like to make love to someone?" Jun asked out of the blue one day a few weeks later.
They were sitting in Nino's room looking through Jun’s latest photographs. Nino had already commented on the fact that there seemed to a lot of candid shots of Aiba amongst them.
"What?" Nino squawked. "You know that I've never done it with a guy.”
"I know that, stupid. I wanted to know about the emotional side of things. I really like Aiba, and I think that I might be ready to go further with him."
"Are you sure about this?" Nino asked, nervous for his friend.
"I've finally realized that none of what happened to me in the past was lovemaking. He just wanted to control and hurt me. But I think that Aiba would be gentle with me and make me feel good, not just physically, but emotionally as well. It's about time that I start to take my life back into my own hands and go for what I want, and I've discovered that what I want is Aiba. "
"J, I..." Nino's vision was blurred by tears as he pulled Jun into a hug. "I'm so proud of you."
"Thank you, Nino." Jun replied, squeezing him tightly back, no longer wanting to cringe from his touch.
"Just don't try to force things with Aiba and pressure him. Let it happen naturally. Okay?"
"Okay."
~~~~
When Jun asked Aiba to pose for him properly, Aiba thought nothing of it, and agreed readily. The fact that Jun planned on renting a hotel room for the shoot caused him a momentary alarm though.
Jun argued that he wanted the lighting and setting to be just right and that he was paying for it with the credit card that his parents had given him to assuage their guilt over their treatment of him. Jun had never used it until now, when he felt that his parents should pay for this step towards his new, guilt free life. This fact he kept to himself though, remembering Nino's advice to not pressure Aiba.
Jun seemed strangely relieved when Aiba agreed to his plan, which set another little twinge of alarm off in the back of Aiba’s mind.
~~~~
"Nino, did Jun say anything to you?" Aiba asked, as he slid a banana milkshake across the table, before taking a sip of his own strawberry one. They were at the café on the far side of the small park near their dormitory.
"About?"
"The photo shoot. He seems kind of oddly nervous about it."
"We talked," Nino replied cryptically.
"And?"
"I promised Jun not to interfere, and leave things to you guys to work out between yourselves. But, remember what I said about cutting your balls off? That still goes."
Aiba gulped his milkshake nervously, instantly understanding what Nino was hinting at.
~~~~
Jun opened the door to the hotel room in answer to Aiba’s hesitant knock. The first thing Aiba noticed was that Jun had replaced his glasses with his contact lenses, something that made his eyes appear even larger and more beautiful than usual. There was a slight tinge of fear that was exposed in his gaze that was usually hidden behind the thick black frames he had chosen for his glasses.
The room was large and beautifully decorated. The floor to ceiling windows were hung with gauzy curtains in a pleasing shade of white that softened the light entering the room, but still left it perfectly lit. The oversized bed was also covered with white linens, with a few brightly coloured silk scarves scattered around for a pop of colour.
“Thank you for doing this for me,” Jun said, giving Aiba’s cheek a nervous peck.
“I’m happy to help, but are you sure you want me to be your model?” Aiba asked, as he dropped his backpack on the floor.
“I want my pictures to convey a simple and natural beauty. You’re exactly what I’m looking for.”
“Wait, is that a subtle way of saying that I’m an idiot?” Aiba asked teasingly.
“No, it’s my not-so-subtle way of trying to tell you that I think you’re gorgeous and make me happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life whenever I’m around you,” Jun replied, quickly looking away and fumbling with his camera.
More than anything, at that moment, Aiba wanted to draw Jun into his arms, but he knew that it was all up to Jun to initiate any contact. Instead, he asked what Jun wanted him to wear for the session.
Jun held up a simple white linen shirt and matching pair of soft trousers, "The fabric is quite sheer, so you will have to leave your underwear off so that it doesn't show through."
When Aiba emerged from the bathroom dressed in this new outfit Jun was already waiting with camera in hand.
Things began in a very stilted fashion as Aiba sat stiffly on the side of bed, unsure what to do with his hands or how to position himself. Gradually though as Jun talked him through it, he began to relax and have fun.
Aiba’s self-confidence grew as Jun complimented him, and told him how well he was doing.
"Do you mind if I make a few adjustments?" Jun asked as he put his camera down and walked over to the bed.
"You're the one in charge," Aiba replied, wishing to reinforce the fact that Jun was in complete control of the entire situation.
Jun nodded and climbed on the bed, shuffling over to Aiba on his knees.
Aiba held himself perfectly still as Jun reached over and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it down his left shoulder to expose his birthmark.
"Are you sure that you want to show that in your photos? Some people find it ugly," Aiba said, feeling suddenly vulnerable. He had often been teased about it when he was at school.
"Well, I think it's perfectly beautiful," Jun replied, as he shyly reached out and touched it lightly with a fingertip. "It is distinctive and unique; just like you."
"You are so cute when you offer me compliments. It makes me want to kiss you," Aiba said, testing for Jun's reaction.
"Then why don't you?" Jun invited.
"Is it fine if I do this?” Aiba asked he leant towards Jun and captured his lips, hoping that he had read the signals correctly.
Jun hummed and gripped the top of Aiba's arms lightly to steady himself as they continued to kiss.
Sliding his hands around the back of Aiba's neck, Jun ran his fingers upwards, twisting them through Aiba's hair.
Eventually Jun slid his right hand down until it rested on the smooth bare skin of Aiba's shoulder. The feeling of warm flesh under his fingers made him pause.
"Jun, is everything okay?"
“I really want to go further with you today. I love kissing you, but I think I'm ready for more, if you are too,” Jun said, finally able to clearly state the real reason behind his invitation. “But I’m afraid of how to do it,” he added as he pulled away slightly from Aiba’s embrace.
“We will go as slow as you need to and only as far as you're comfortable with. I know this might sound a bit odd, but what if you tie my hands so I can’t touch you? Then you can explore my body as much as you want while remaining in complete control. Will that make you feel safer?"
Jun thought about it for a while, before slowly nodding his agreement.
~~~~
Jun paused to admire the view in front of him. Aiba was lying on his back wearing only the loose drawstring trousers, his hands were bound with a green silk scarf and resting on the mattress above his head.
Jun took his time, at first only touching Aiba's hair and face, enjoying the silky feel of his light brown hair as it slid through his fingers.
The skin of Aiba's lips was slightly dry, so Jun darted out the tip of his tongue, licking Aiba's bottom lip until it glistened with moisture. The sight was so tempting that Jun was distracted from his explorations momentarily by the need to kiss Aiba until they were both breathing hard.
Aiba, tense at first, strained against the binding on his wrists but soon found himself relaxing as Jun gained confidence in his movements. It took all of the willpower that he possessed to passively allow Jun to touch his body without touching him in return.
Jun spent a long time admiring Aiba's birthmark, running his tongue over the copper coloured marking, tracing the edges with his lips as he savoured the taste and smooth texture of Aiba's skin.
Next his moved his attentions to Aiba’s neck, nuzzling the hollows above his collarbones, before moving lower down to his chest.
Slowly feeling more adventurous, Jun licked Aiba’s left nipple, entranced as it instantly stiffened as Aiba moaned softly and wriggled slightly. Thoroughly enjoying himself by now, Jun repeated the action with the right side as well. Jun continued to move between the two, sucking and nipping until Aiba was panting breathlessly, his stiffening member pushing up the front of the loose trousers.
Jun could feel himself growing hard just from the sounds of pleasure that he was wringing out of Aiba’s mouth as he continued his exploration of his prone body.
After nuzzling his way down Aiba’s torso, he hesitated as he reached the waistband of the soft trousers that rested low on his hipbones.
“May I touch you?” Jun asked as he shyly gestured towards Aiba’s crotch.
“Please,” Aiba said, arching his back slightly, moving towards Jun’s hand.
Jun slipped his hand down and cupped Aiba’s cock through the fabric before tracing the outline with his fingertips.
Aiba hissed, and shuddered as he felt Jun’s warm fingers sliding down inside his trousers and gripping his cock loosely.
Jun’s eyes darkened as he felt the hot flesh thickening under in response to his touch. Keeping a hold of Aiba’s cock, Jun moved back up towards the top of the bed and once again captured Aiba’s lips.
Aiba moaned helplessly into Jun’s parted lips as he felt the soft skin of Jun’s hand begin to slide back and forth along the length of his erection. He could feel the hardness of Jun’s own erection pressing into his hipbone as they continued to kiss, lips parting as their tongues danced together.
“This is ridiculous,” Jun suddenly said, almost as if thinking out loud. He released his hold on Aiba’s cock pulled away from his embrace.
“Have I done something wrong?” Aiba asked, feeling out of his depth.
“Of course not,” Jun said as he reached up and untied the scarf. There were light marks on Aiba’s wrists which were made when he strained his arms while trying to hold still. Jun carefully rubbed them before taking Aiba’s hands and holding them loosely in front of him. “It’s just that I realized that I love you, and trust you, which means that I have nothing to be afraid of.”
Aiba’s eyes widened at Jun’s declaration of love, “I love you too and I promise that I would never do anything to hurt you.”
For a moment they simply sat staring at each other with matching foolish grins, before Jun flung himself into Aiba’s arms and recommenced kissing him.
Aiba’s heart began to race uncontrollably when Jun pulled back slightly and gazed at him with dark and unfocused eyes and said, “Please take me.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you.”
“Please? I want this. I want you,” Jun replied as he squeezed Aiba’s erection through his trousers.
~~~~
Aiba stared as if hypnotised as Jun knelt on the mattress and slowly unbuttoned his shirt before allowing it to slip off his shoulders and fall to the bed.
The skin that was revealed was smooth and pale, dotted with tiny moles in the most unexpected places, including one sitting next to his left nipple.
Reaching out, Aiba took Jun’s hand in his and drew him down to lay next to him on the crisp white linens. Jun was trembling slightly as Aiba began to gently caress his body, all the while murmuring words of love in a calm and soothing fashion.
“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” Aiba asked as he nibbled on Jun’s hipbones, causing him to arch up off the bed at the sensation. “Because you really are quite breathtaking,” Aiba added as he traced the outline of Jun’s hard cock through his jeans.
Jun couldn't help tilting his hips upwards in an attempt to gain more friction against his erection. Releasing a small whimper he once again begged, "Please, I want to feel you."
Aiba took a deep breath and unbuttoned Jun's jeans, sliding them, and Jun's underwear off in one fluid motion before standing up and doing the same with his own trousers. Before returning to the bed and positioning himself between Jun's legs, he walked across the room and retrieved a condom and a bottle of lubricant from his bag.
Aiba took a long time to run the tips of his fingers over Jun’s pale skin, until he became accustomed to his touch. Jun was so responsive, even the lightest lick or nibble made him writhe on the bed, his breath hitching, as Aiba worked his way slowly down his body, tracing the well-defined muscles with the tip of his tongue. Taking Jun's cock into his mouth and sucking on it lightly, Aiba slowly began to rub the tips of his well lubed fingers in the space between Jun's buttocks. Jun closed his eyes and arched his back as his breath hitched at being touched in such an intimate place. Taking Jun's breathless gasps as a sign of encouragement Aiba carefully began to try and ease the tip of one finger into Jun's body. The muscles were so tightly clenched that Aiba stopped after a light press and concentrated instead on licking and teasing Jun's cock until he felt him relax slightly.
"Please relax Angel, I promise that I will soon make you feel so good," Aiba said. "I have some donuts in my bag and I promise to give you my favourite one if you're good for me. It even has sprinkles," he added, reaching up to tweak Jun's nipple and offer him an encouraging smile.
Jun couldn't help laughing in return, his whole body seeming to release its tension as he relaxed under Aiba's patient and tender ministrations.
~~~~
Jun's calm state lasted only until Aiba began to press himself slowly into his body.
As he felt the intrusion Jun's body stiffened and he seemed to forget how to breathe as his mind plummeted back to that dark night when his life changed forever. He could feel hot breath on the back of his neck, before he was forcefully bent over his desk as rough dry fingers roughly penetrated his body before they were replaced with something much worse. Tears trickled out from under his tightly screwed up eyelids as he began to whimper.
Aiba immediately halted his movements and said firmly, "Jun, my angel, open your eyes and look at me. I'm here and you're safe. Nothing bad is going to happen to you."
Jun managed to pry open his eyes far enough to be able to see a pair of gentle brown eyes looking down at him with deep concern.
"Just breathe and keep looking at me and we'll work through this together. If it's too much to handle, just say, and I'll stop. We can always just cuddle and then try again another time," Aiba added as he kissed the tip of Jun's nose.
"No, please don't stop now. I want you to erase the bad memories and replace them with happy ones. Until then I'll always feel broken," Jun said, feeling as if Aiba's strength was somehow transferring to his own heart.
"There's no way that someone as brave as you could ever be broken, my angel," Aiba said lovingly as he kissed Jun's tears away.
Jun growled and weakly punched Aiba’s chest as he protested, “Oi, stop calling me Angel. How did you even come up with that? It’s even worse than MatsuJun…Oh!”
While Jun was occupied with complaining, Aiba had taken the opportunity to slip fully inside his body. There was no pain, only a wonderful feeling of fullness and Jun could only gaze up at Aiba in wonder, his tears forgotten as he realized that there was nothing to be afraid of any longer. There was no possible way that this sweet and gentle soul would ever hurt him. There was only a world of pleasure to look forward to if only he was brave enough to take first this step.
Jun wrapped his arms around Aiba’s neck and tentatively moved his hips back and forth an infinitesimal distance, testing to see what it felt like.
Aiba was using all of the self-control that he possessed to stay completely still until Jun gave him permission to move. As his length was entirely encompassed within the tight heat of Jun’s passage, Jun himself began to make small rocking motions against his pelvis as he explored the new sensations he was experiencing. Aiba’s cock was being squeezed with every movement that Jun made, and all Aiba could do was bite his lip and cling tightly to the bottom sheet in an attempt to distract himself.
Jun could obviously see the effect he was having on Aiba, especially when he experimentally squeezed himself around Aiba’s straining cock, eliciting a drawn out moan from taller man.
Jun gazed up at Aiba with dark, wanting eyes as he said “Make me yours.”
Aiba’s own pupils darkened as if to mirror Jun’s as he bent his head and took possession of Jun’s lips, gently sliding his tongue into his mouth as he began to slowly move his hips.
Soon they were wrapped in their own little universe where nothing else existed but each other and the feeling of their bodies moving together as one.
Jun gasped and dug his nails onto Aiba’s back as he felt the head of Aiba’s cock rub against a spot inside him that made him feel pleasantly numb and also see stars at the same time.
As Aiba increased the depth and speed of his thrusts Jun found his body responding automatically, his hips rising up to meet his lover's, as they moved in harmony.
"M-Masaki..." Jun whined as he was filled repeatedly by Aiba's hard cock.
"Jun, you feel so good," Aiba panted as he slipped his hand down between their bodies and began to stroke Jun's cock in time with his slow but powerful thrusts.
The increased stimulation almost overwhelmed Jun as he felt the panic rising once again. He closed his eyes, biting his bottom lip to disguise its tremble. He felt his body being jerked backwards with each snap of Aiba's hips and although it felt wonderful, he also felt momentarily trapped.
Aiba could feel Jun drifting away from the present as he stilled beneath him and his breathing became laboured. He immediately stopped moving and removed his hand from Jun's member.
Changing position slightly and leaning backwards away from Jun's body to allow him some space, Aiba spoke softly, "Angel, are you with me?"
Jun managed to nod, but he was unable to speak, worried that his voice would betray him and show his fear.
"If you get scared all you have to do is look at me. I don't bite," Aiba said, before adding with a very poor attempt at a suggestive wink, “Unless that's something that you think that you might enjoy in the future?"
It was impossible for Jun to contain the snort of laughter that burst out of his mouth at the ridiculousness of Aiba's attempt to put him at ease. In retaliation he once again clenched tightly around Aiba's length, giggling at the anguished squeak that he made him produce.
Jun reached up, wrapping his arms firmly around Aiba's neck to pull him back down to his body. This time when Aiba began to move, Jun's cock was tightly pressed between their entwined bodies, their movements creating a perfect feeling of friction.
Aiba once again captured Jun's plump lips, tongues twisting together in an intimate dance, the feeling of Jun's muscular body opening up to him making his movements more intense as he folded Jun's legs upwards and snapped his hips forwards.
Jun arched backwards trapping his leaking cock between their undulating bodies, the sensation making his eyes become heavy lidded with lust as he continued to maintain eye contact.
Knowing that he would not be able to contain his own orgasm for much longer, Aiba sped up his movements as he reached and gave Jun's nipple a sharp tweak. Jun's eyes widened and a needy whine came from the back of his throat. Encouraged, Aiba once again slid his hand between their bodies and gripped Jun's cock.
Jun felt as if his whole body was on fire as he felt pressure building low in his pelvis as Aiba continued to claim his body with deep, possessive thrusts as their breathing quickened.
The head of Aiba's long cock repeatedly hit that spot within Jun's body that made it impossible to think, causing him to abandon himself entirely to pleasure. Almost before he knew it, Jun felt his entire body convulsing and he was coming and coming, hot liquid spurting from his cock that was still sandwiched between them, painting both of their torsos with strands of cum.
Without even thinking Jun instinctively wrapped his legs around Aiba's hips pressing him deeper into his body than he would have thought possible as he felt Aiba begin to shake. A moment later with a drawn out cry Aiba stilled deep inside Jun's still twitching body as he reached his own climax, filling the condom with small jerks of his hips.
Their bodies were still joined together as they gazed at each other, neither surprised by the tears flowing from their eyes as Jun whispered, "Thank you Masaki. I love you."
Aiba attempted to blink away his own tears as he replied, "I love you too, Angel."
Somehow, instead of protesting at the pet name, Jun found himself smiling and licking Aiba's tears away with the tip of his tongue.
~~~~
A few weeks later, Nino knocked on the door to Jun and Aiba's shared room one last time before giving up. He was supposed to be meeting Jun to fill him in on the new girl he had met at a concert the night before, but it looked as if nobody was there. With a resigned sigh, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Kiki-chan instead as he headed up to his own room.
Jun's room was in darkness, with only a small chink of light showing under the bathroom door. Breathy moans and muffled giggles could be heard issuing from the shower.
The curtain on the window above Jun's desk was open slightly, allowing the light from the full moon to shine across the room. Sitting in the middle of the desk, shimmering in the light, was a tiny metal tree decorated with bright green enamelled leaves that shivered lightly in the warm breeze that blew through the partly open window.
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Hoping for a fresh start, Jun joins his best friend Nino at university. Although it's the furthest thing from what he wants Jun soon begins to feel an attraction towards his roommate Aiba. Will he be able to escape the hold of his traumatic past and eventually find happiness?
Warnings: Mention of non-con in the past (no graphic descriptions though). Also deals with the ongoing repercussions of non-con, including present day emotional issues.
A/N: This was originally written for
yukitsubute at fishing_mj exchange. Since I am a bad fan and didn't write anything new for Aiba's birthday I saved this up to repost now to celebrate the big day."J, why are you making me carry your boxes of stuff while you've only got that one bag?" Nino complained as he almost stumbled at the top of the stairs. For some reason the elevator was stopped here on the third floor and not budging in either direction.
Jun pushed his glasses up his nose with his free hand and turned to glare at his best friend before replying, "This bag has all of my camera equipment in it, and you know that nobody else is allowed to touch it but me."
"Well, I know that, you always threaten to cut my fingers off if I touch your stuff. I can ignore that. What I don't understand is why you're so annoyed with me," Nino replied, as he attempted to not drop anything, and risk angering his friend any further.
"Because you filled in your application for housing too late and now I have to share a room with a complete stranger."
"But so do I," Nino protested as they made their way along the corridor looking for Jun's room.
"Yes, but you can talk to new people and make friends, while for me..." Jun mumbled.
"I know J, and I'm really sorry. I know it's hard for you to trust people after what happened, but you only have to share a living space, not your personal life," Nino replied encouragingly. "Plus, if you need me, I'll just be one floor away."
Jun looked slightly frightened at the prospect of Nino being that far away if his nightmares returned, but he decided that since it was their first day at university, it was his chance to become a new person. Perhaps he could start anew and forget the past.
Nino had helped him to study, raising his grades enough for him to enable to join Nino at the school of his choice. Jun was to study photography, while Nino was majoring in music. Jun knew that if he hadn't been accepted at the same school as his friend, he would never have the courage to pursue his ambitions.
They made their way slowly, checking the numbers on doors as they went, Nino complaining the entire way.
As they finally found Jun's room, Nino gratefully dropped his load onto the floor. Jun was about to complain at the shoddy treatment of his possessions, when their attention was distracted by a ruckus coming from further along the corridor where the elevator was located.
A large red sofa appeared to be wedged between the doors. Two men were trying to dislodge the oversized piece of furniture without any apparent success.
"It's no use. This is never going to budge. Maybe we should just chop it in half," said the dark-haired one who was ineffectually tugging at one arm of the trapped item.
"No way, Sho-chan.” A head popped up from the depths of the elevator. It was attached to a lanky man with dyed light brown hair. “Just let me give it one last push."
"Look, Aiba-chan, nothing moved even a little bit. Just let me get the janitor to dismantle it," Sho said.
The rest of the conversation was lost as Jun and Nino carried Jun's belongings into his room.
One bed was already strewn with an odd assortment of items and a half eaten donut. The other occupant of the room had obviously already claimed it as his own.
Jun looked at the mess with distaste, before carefully placing his things down on the other side of the room.
"I guess I better go and see if my own roommate has turned up yet and finish unpacking my stuff," Nino said.
Jun shot him a look of panic, his heart suddenly racing at the prospect of being left alone with a complete stranger.
Nino, sensing his friend's fear, hugged him carefully, and reassured him that he was only a quick call away. "Remember, this is your fresh start. Nobody here knows you, or about your past. You can be whoever you want to be, without fear."
"I know that, and I really want to try, but I don't know if I can..." Jun began, clinging tightly to Nino.
The door burst open, and the tall brown-haired man from the elevator rushed into the room clutching a cushion from the sofa to his chest.
He slid to a halt, and looked at the two men hugging, "Oops, I hope I'm not interrupting anything important. I mean, if I am, I can leave and come back later, if you two want to, you know. You could hang a sock on the doorknob or something as a code."
The pair sprang apart and looked at him with astonishment. He had the cushion in front of his face to block his view of them.
"It's fine. I was just going," Nino said as he gave Jun's arm a comforting squeeze as made a move to leave.
"This is my friend ," Jun replied, with a glare at the same time.
"Oh, right. Sorry for jumping to conclusions. I'm your roommate, Aiba Masaki. Pleased to make your acquaintance," the stranger replied, holding out his hand for Jun to shake.
Jun backed away slightly as Nino stepped forward to shake hands instead.
"Ninomiya Kazunari, but please, call me Nino," he said as his hand was squeezed firmly and shaken enthusiastically.
"Matsumoto Jun; I'm the one sharing with you," Jun said, as he picked up his bag, making it impossible for Aiba to attempt to shake hands with him once more.
"Great! Sorry about the mess. My friend Sho-chan has been helping me move my stuff," Aiba said. "Ah, that's where his donut got to," he said as he picked it up and put it in his pocket.
Jun couldn't quite believe his eyes. Aiba was extraordinarily good looking, with warm, almond shaped eyes and fine features, but he seemed to have dressed himself by throwing on a random armful of clothes in the dark. The strange thing was that it all seemed to work, especially the extremely ripped jeans that hugged his body. But even though the tall man looked like an angel, he seemed to possess a rather eccentric personality, if the donut in his pocket and the sofa cushion in his arms were any indicators.
Aiba held the cushion out in front of him as if testing to see where he might place the sofa. "I don't think this is going to fit after all. I'd better get Sho-chan to take it back to my parents’ house. If you could just help us push it back into the elevator?"
"Um, sure," Jun replied, filled with relief that what little free space that was left in their room wasn't about to be engulfed by the giant chair. "Perhaps you could give your friend his donut back at the same time?"
"Thanks for reminding me. I can see that we are going to get along just great," Aiba chirped, as he pulled the slightly squashed and fluffy looking donut out of his pocket and dusted it off lightly.
~~~~
"He is driving me crazy," Jun complained as he handed Nino a cup of coffee.
They were sitting in Nino's room after eating dinner, enjoying the peace and privacy that Jun's room certainly didn't offer.
After two weeks at school, Nino had seen his roommate only a few times. Apparently Ohno was studying dance and spent most of his time in the rehearsal rooms. He visited their shared room only briefly each day, not even always returning to sleep there. Apparently he possessed the ability to sleep almost anywhere, and often fell asleep in random friend's rooms or on comfortable pieces of floor rather than returning home for the night.
Jun only wished that he had been so lucky. Aiba, who seemed to be studying art of some sort, was a constant presence in their shared room. He could sit for hours fiddling with strange arrangements of random items or talking loudly on the phone with his friend Sho, who was attending a different university, studying medicine.
"From my chats with him, he seems really friendly," Nino replied, before taking an appreciative sip of his coffee. Jun could always be relied upon to buy the most expensive kind.
"That's the problem. He keeps talking to me, and expecting me to talk back to him in return," Jun huffed.
"J, I hate to break it to you, but that's what other people do all the time. It's called having a conversation," Nino said gently. "I know it's hard, but perhaps you should give it a try"
"Why?"
"Remember you said that you would promise to try and forget the past and move on? Don't let him ruin the rest of your life. That would mean that you let him win."
Jun abruptly got to his feet and tried to leave, but Nino gripped his wrist, holding him in place.
Ignoring Jun's glare, Nino continued, “Don't you think it's about time you stopped running?"
"I...it's just hard, you know? I know that everyone isn't like him, but I find it really difficult to not imagine that they are."
"I know, and that's why I'm here for you, always," Nino said softly.
"Thank you," Jun replied, as he sat back down next to Nino, with a sigh. "I don't know where I'd be right now if not for you and your family."
"All I ask is for you to try. Okay?"
"Okay."
~~~~
Aiba was once again twisting random pieces of metal together when Jun returned to his room. Jun couldn't help noticing his roommate’s long fingers as they manipulated the wires with complete confidence.
"I brought you a coffee." Jun said brusquely, as he banged it down on the desk next to Aiba's artwork, its contents sloshing dangerously against the lid.
"Thank you MatsuJun. I have some cookies that my mother made here somewhere, if you'd like one?"
Jun groaned inwardly at Aiba's use of the nickname that he had made up during their first week sharing their living space. No matter how much he had protested, the name had stuck.
Remembering Nino’s advice about being more open to people and possible friendship, Jun found himself agreeing to Aiba’s offer as he pulled a chair over to the desk and placed his own coffee next to his roommate’s.
“Here. They’re triple choc chip, and really good,” Aiba said as he shoved the box in Jun’s direction. At the same time Jun reached out and their fingers brushed against each other. A spark of electricity shot between them, causing Aiba to drop the cookies. They both dove to grab them and somehow ended up entangled together on the floor.
For one tiny moment, Jun found himself staring into the beautiful eyes of his roommate and his heart gave a miniscule flip of interest before he realized what he was doing. Instantly panic set in at being in such a position. His heart raced out of control as he struggled to break free. It had taken him a long time to be able to stand being touched by others, even just in passing, but this was beyond what he could handle.
Ripping himself free, Jun pulled himself to his feet and raced to the bathroom, locking himself in as he attempted to calm his breathing, clenching his fists tightly at his sides as Aiba called out, asking whether he was okay.
~~~~
“So what did you tell him?” Nino asked the next day, as they walked towards the cafeteria for lunch.
“I told him that I have some problems with touching. I didn’t go into any detail and he seemed to understand and respect that I didn’t want to talk about it,” Jun replied.
“That is a really big step forward for you. I think that is probably the first time you have admitted that to anyone but me,” Nino said. “There must be something about this guy that makes you feel comfortable.”
“Nino, I freaked out and locked myself in the bathroom because he touched my hand. I’d hardly call that ‘comfortable’.” Jun replied as they gathered their food onto their trays and looked for a place to sit.
Aiba was sitting alone at a table and he stood and madly waved his hand above his head to attract their attention, while yelling, “Hey guys, over here.”
“I think Aiba might want us to sit with him,” Nino laughed.
“Yep, he’s subtle like that,” Jun replied.
As Nino and Aiba chatted about their day so far, Jun found his mind drifting. Aiba’s face was so animated when he talked; almost matching his flailing hands in expressiveness. Jun was once again drawn to his eyes and the way his plump lips moved when he spoke. Unlike Jun’s own closed world, Aiba seemed to be open to friendship with anybody, if the number of people who greeted him as they passed by the table was any indication.
“So do you think that it would be a good idea?” Aiba asked, looking at Jun expectantly.
Jun had only a vague idea what the other two had been talking about for the last ten minutes; his mind distracted by the feelings that were sneaking unbidden into his heart.
“You could both bring along your girlfriends,” Aiba added.
“My last girlfriend dumped me a couple of months ago,” Nino replied with a grimace.
“Girls don’t interest me,“ Jun inadvertently blurted, still only half listening to the conversation, as he idly wondered if Aiba was in a relationship with “Sho-chan”. He immediately blushed furiously as he realized that he’d said the words out loud.
Nino looked at him with astonishment; usually Jun was extremely tight-lipped regarding his sexual orientation.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Aiba said, looking at Jun with sudden interest. “But I’m sure you would enjoy the day anyway. Everybody loves the beach.”
“Ha! You don’t know Nino,” Jun said, attempting to shift Aiba’s attention away from him. “His skin burns if he gets too close to a lightbulb.”
Nino glared across the table at Jun with dangerously narrowed eyes as he said, “We’d both love to join you. I’ll try and ask my roommate to come too but I haven’t seen him for the past three days. He was last seen sleeping in the laundry room. He’s possibly still there somewhere, buried under a pile of abandoned socks.”
~~~~
Much to Jun’s dismay, arrangements were made for Aiba to drive them to the beach in three weeks’ time, when they would all be free from classes for four days straight. Aiba planned to rent a couple of cheap motel rooms for them to share for a couple of nights. He had this idea that they would be able to use the beach setting as inspiration for their end of semester projects. Apparently Nino had said yes for the both of them while Jun had been daydreaming about the little crinkles around Aiba’s dark eyes when he smiled, and his nimble long fingers which were playing with the sugar packets on the table.
Deep in Jun’s heart he had never expected to feel an attraction for anyone ever again. It was hard to come to terms with the fact that he was still a sexual being and that no matter how traumatic his past he and how hard he tried to deny it, his feelings about his roommate were changing day-by-day.
Jun tried to tell himself that it was ridiculous to be experiencing such feelings for someone he had only known for just over two weeks, but apparently his heart was studiously ignoring his head and going its own way.
~~~~
Jun had just switched the water off in the shower when he heard the bathroom door open. He hadn’t bothered to lock it because as far as he knew Aiba was across campus working on one of his random object sculptures and not due back for at least another hour.
Before he had time to think, the shower curtain was flung back and he was confronted by his completely naked roommate.
“Aaaaargh!” Aiba yelled as he recoiled in shock, bouncing off the wall in his haste to grab his discarded towel.
Jun was frozen to the spot in terror as a blood curdling scream filled the room. He was unaware that the sound came from him until he noticed Aiba backing away with a look of horror on his face. Their eyes met for a brief moment before Jun was finally able to pull the curtain back into place and yell at Aiba to get out.
Aiba was wearing only a towel around his waist as he sat on his bed when Jun emerged, wrapped tightly in his bathrobe a few minutes later.
“You almost gave me a heart attack,” Aiba complained.
“I, gave you…?”
“That scream was like something out of a horror movie. I thought my heart was going to stop. Why didn’t you lock the door if it’s such a big problem for you?” Aiba asked, looking at Jun if there was something wrong with him.
“You weren’t supposed to be home. I thought you were working,” replied Jun, as he tried to avert his eyes from Aiba’s bare chest.
“Well, lock it next time, just to be sure. I don’t think my heart can stand another shock like that any time soon,” Aiba said angrily as he stood up to head back to the bathroom. “Anyone would think that I was trying to murder you.”
“I’m sorry,” Jun murmured. To his great shame, he felt tears springing up in the corner of his eyes. He clenched his fists tightly and squeezed his eyes shut, unsuccessfully trying to stem the flow.
Aiba noticed this and made a move back towards Jun, holding out his hand and saying in a softer tone, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Jun flinched away and muttered, “I’m fine. Please just go and shower and put some clothes on.”
“But you’re obviously upset and it’s my fault.”
“Please,” Jun said, turning away from Aiba’s searching gaze. “Please just do as I ask.”
Aiba reluctantly left the room, casting a concerned look over his shoulder as he went.
Jun was angry with himself for overreacting and frightening Aiba half to death. He wished that he had the courage to explain why he was so afraid, but he was scared of Aiba’s reaction. At school he had been severely bullied and told that he had got everything that he’d deserved and his parents had silently agreed and done nothing to remedy the situation.
Nino had been the one person to stick up for him at school; the one reason for Jun to go on living, when he had harboured thoughts of ending the misery once and for all.
Nino’s parents had been wonderful as well, allowing Jun to move into their house and share Nino’s bedroom for their final year in High School. It had been cramped, fitting two mattresses into the narrow space, but they had managed it and both managed to get accepted by the same college, much to Nino’s parents’ great pride.
Jun's own parents gave him a more than generous allowance and offered to pay his expenses while he was at school, but had basically disowned him from the moment that he had left their house. Jun knew that it was guilt that made them cover his expenses, but he had no problem accepting their financial assistance since they had been partially responsible for his troubles in the first place.
Taking photographs and talking to Nino had pulled him through his darkest times and he had no wish to return there again.
Jun hastily dressed before taking his camera in hand, as he left the room. He hoped that when he returned his roommate would already be asleep and he would be able to avoid answering any more awkward questions. But as he walked around on the hunt for suitable subjects, all he could see was the beautiful birthmark on Aiba’s left shoulder and the way that it moved when he flexed his arm.
~~~~
By tacit agreement they spoke no more about the shower incident, but Jun could feel Aiba’s gaze on him sometimes when he thought that Jun wasn’t looking.
Two days later, Jun returned to their room to find a present on his desk. Messily wrapped, it turned out to be one of Aiba’s sculptures. Although completely abstract in appearance, Jun could see that it was a tree, budding with all the promise of early spring. It seemed to be the perfect depiction of the new life that Jun was struggling to make for himself.
Reaching out a finger to gently touch the little tree, Jun wondered how Aiba had been able to see into his heart, since Jun had never spoken to him on anything more than superficial subjects.
~~~~
When Aiba came in later that evening, he was surprised by a beautifully decorated box of cookies sitting on his pillow.
The label attached, in Jun’s precise handwriting, told him that they were dark chocolate, triple choc chip cookies.
Aiba could have sworn that they were homemade, but where on earth would Jun be able to bake them? Cooking was not permitted in any of the student housing.
They were perfectly rich and fudgy, chewy in texture, with a slightly bitter aftertaste from the dark chocolate. Aiba couldn’t contain his moan of pleasure as he allowed the chocolate to melt on his tongue.
Jun, who had just stepped through the door juggling two cups of coffee, froze in place. A red flush crept up his chest and neck to his face, as Aiba moaned once again, before licking some melted chocolate from his fingertips.
Jun’s keys slipped from his fingers and clattered to the floor, as he tried to back out of the room without being noticed.
Aiba almost fell off his chair and the cookie in his hand was catapulted across the room as his hand jerked convulsively with fright.
“MatsuJun, just tell me if you want a different roommate. There’s no need to try and kill me,” Aiba squawked before choking on a large cookie crumb.
Aiba felt as if he was never going to be able to breathe ever again and he coughed convulsively, trying desperately to dislodge the food lodged in his throat. Flailing his arms around, he unsuccessfully tried to hit himself on the back.
Jun’s concern for Aiba overrode his fear of physical contact as he swiftly moved across the room to hit his roommate firmly between the shoulder blades. Aiba eventually coughed up the offending piece of cookie and was then finally able to take a shuddering breath.
As his stricken roommate gratefully gulped in air, Jun continued to rub his hand soothingly up and down Aiba’s spine. It was only when Aiba managed to gasp out a thank you, that Jun realized what he was doing.
Jun immediately retreated back to his side of the room and picked up the abandoned coffee, holding it out to Aiba to help lubricate his dry throat.
“What was I just saying about you trying to kill me?” Aiba laughed.
“I’m sorry. I never seem to be able to do anything right,” Jun said as his fingers twisted into a nervous knot on his lap.
“I’m joking,” Aiba replied. “These cookies are delicious. You must tell me which bakery they came from, so I can get them again.”
“Um, I made them myself,” Jun responded shyly.
“How? I mean, where did you bake them since there’s no kitchen around here?”
“Up on Nino’s floor there’s a guy called Kame who has a toaster oven hidden in his room. I simply had to make a double batch and give him half in payment for the use of it.”
“Wow, I didn’t think that you would be the type to break the rules,” Aiba said admiringly.
“Looks can be deceiving,” Jun replied, in a bleak voice.
~~~~
Jun found himself looking forward to chatting with Aiba in the evenings before they went to sleep.
They would lie in the dark and talk about anything and everything until they dozed off. It was somehow easier to talk freely when you couldn't see the other person's face.
Aiba always had a lot to say about his friend Sho-chan, who seemed to be more of a big brother to him than a friend. They went to the same school, but Sho was a year ahead. It seemed that Sho stood up for Aiba when Aiba was seen kissing a boy after school one day. The popular kids had sniffed blood in the water and tried to make Aiba's life a misery. Sho had been horrified at their treatment of someone who had never been anything less than kind and friendly to everyone that he knew, and had become Aiba's best friend and protector.
Jun was surprised that someone who was so relentlessly cheerful and had such a positive outlook on life, had, in some way, suffered the same bullying and prejudiced behaviour that he had.
~~~~
The weather was perfect when they arrived at the beach. The sun was shining brightly and the waves were gentle, with a soft breeze preventing it from becoming too hot.
By a miracle, Nino's roommate had turned up at Aiba's car on time, with a rucksack clutched in his hand. After mumbling a greeting, he deposited himself on the backseat and pulled his hat over his eyes. He was asleep before they even made it onto the highway.
Jun sat up front next to Aiba, chatting happily as they drove. Nino meanwhile slumped in his seat, periodically poking Ohno whenever he snored, as he followed with interest what was being said by Jun and Aiba. What surprised Nino the most was the amount of flirting that was going on up front, and the fact that the pair of them seemed to be completely unaware that they were even doing it.
They dumped their bags into the rickety looking motel that Aiba had booked for them while Nino complained about cockroaches, and the fact that he would be putting them in Aiba's food if he found any. Ohno instantly stripped off his shirt, revealing a breathtakingly muscled torso, before he strode off towards the beach, not bothering with sun cream or his hat, which was left lying on the floor next to his bag. Nino, who was in the middle of rubbing what looked like an entire tube of lotion onto the tiny bits of skin that he had showing, stared after him with hatred tinged envy.
While Nino sat under a scrawny tree, trying to find as much shade as possible, Aiba and Jun swam. They had walked along the shore away from the crowded main beach, where Ohno was last seen chatting to two giggly girls, until they found a deserted piece of sand that they had all to themselves.
Aiba was puzzled that Jun kept his shirt on when he went in the water, but figured that he just didn't want to get sunburned. Despite the shirt Jun was a beautiful swimmer, slicing smoothly through the waves as gracefully as a dolphin.
For the first time since they had met, Jun seemed to be completely at ease and relaxed, as he ran up the beach to where Nino was huddled reading a book. Jun snuck silently up to him and squeezed the water out of his shirt over the back of Nino's neck.
The shock made Nino's entire body convulse with fright as he emitted a girlish squeal.
"I hate you," Nino shrieked as Jun shook himself like a dog, flinging even more water over him.
"No you don't, you think I'm cute," Jun responded with a toothy grin.
At that very moment Nino couldn't argue. Jun was looking like his old self, happy and alive. This was a version of Jun that Nino had sorely missed.
"Don't worry Nino, I will avenge you," Aiba cried dramatically as he joined in the fun.
Aiba ran up the beach and grabbed Jun around the waist from behind, planning on carrying him down to the sea and dropping him in.
The last thing that he expected was that Jun would start screaming. As high pitched wails of absolute terror came out of Jun's mouth, Aiba instantly released his grip on Jun's waist, horrified at what he had done.
Jun was still screaming as he fell to his knees, his eyes unfocused as his mind took him back to that night. He could feel the pain and the humiliation as if it was happening all over again. In Jun's mind he was no longer on a sunny beach with his friends; instead he was in a dark classroom with the smell of his own blood in his nostrils.
As Aiba looked on helplessly, Nino rushed to Jun's side, speaking calmly and firmly to him, trying to bring him back to his senses.
"Make yourself useful and look in Jun's bag. There should be a bottle of pills. Bring me two with the bottle of water in my bag. Don't just stand there staring. That isn't going to help."
Aiba finally managed to unstick his feet and do as Nino requested. Jun had stopped the unearthly screaming, but he was still rocking, his entire body trembling.
As if in a trance, he meekly took the pills that Nino placed in his mouth, while Nino continued to comfort him.
Eventually Jun calmed down, and Nino helped him to his feet.
"We will go back to the motel and you can sleep. When you wake up you will feel better," Nino said to Jun, still using the same calming tone of voice.
Jun merely nodded, the medication was already making him sleepy.
Aiba hovered uneasily in the background, staying out of Jun's line of sight. He picked up their belongings and trailed along behind as the other two walked slowly to their accommodation.
Nino tucked Jun into the scratchy sheets, humming softly as he did so. As Jun's eyelids flickered closed, Nino sang softly to him, until he was sure that he was asleep.
"We need to talk," Nino said softly to Aiba as they quietly backed out of the room.
"Is it okay to leave him like this? Shouldn’t we call a doctor?" Aiba found his own voice sounding very shaky. "I didn't mean anything by what I did."
"He’s fine now that he’s taken his medication. He will sleep for a couple of hours. In the meantime, let's go to the other room. I know you didn't mean to hurt him. That's why there are things that you need to know about Jun, and about the past."
~~~~
“I’m only going to tell you this because I know that Jun likes you and I get the feeling that you care about him a lot in return. But you must promise not to breathe a word of what I’m about to say to anyone else,” Nino said.
“I promise. I feel so bad about what happened and I want to make sure that I never hurt him like that again,” Aiba replied, his voice still trembling.
“Okay,” Nino said, taking a deep breath to calm himself, before beginning his story. “At the beginning of our second year in High School, a new maths teacher arrived at our school. He was young and handsome and very charming. Most of the students and probably half the teachers fell in love with him instantly. But no matter how much the others pursued him, the only person he showed any interest in was Jun. He even went to Jun’s parents and offered to give him extra tuition after school to help bring his grades up.
During those sessions he started touching Jun and telling him that he was beautiful. He told him that as soon as Jun graduated they would be together. Unfortunately Jun believed every word he said.
It progressed to kissing, and then that monster wanted more. He told Jun that unless he performed oral sex on him he would tell everyone that Jun was throwing himself at him and offering him sex in return for good grades. He told him that he would make sure that Jun wouldn’t get into the university of his choice, and that he would tell Jun’s parents about him being gay.”
Aiba’s eyes grew moist as Nino continued his story, his hands balling into angry fists as he heard what Jun had been forced to suffer. “That’s terrible. Why didn’t anyone stop it from happening?”
“Because Jun told nobody, not even me,” Nino replied angrily. “Do you really think that I would have just stood by and done nothing?”
“I’m sorry,” Aiba said quietly.
“Soon forcing his filthy cock into Jun’s mouth wasn’t enough and he decided that he wanted much more. Jun refused. He was sick of these games and wanted to make an end, no matter what the consequences for him would be.”
“So what happened then?” Aiba asked, fearing that he already knew the answer to that question.
“He decided that if Jun wasn’t willing to offer himself freely than he would just take what he wanted by force. When he was finished, he left Jun lying bruised and bloody on the floor of the classroom, confident he could do what he wanted, whenever he wanted and Jun could do nothing to prevent it.”
Nino was finding it hard to finish his story, since his voice was choked by angry tears, but he knew that Aiba had to know everything if he was going into a possible relationship with his best friend.
“What that animal didn’t realize then, was that he had finally pushed Jun too far. Jun was so broken; he just didn’t care about what happened to him in the future, he just wanted the torture to stop. While he was still lying on that dirty floor he called the police and reported the rape. Jun spent two weeks in the hospital recovering from his physical injuries, but the mental scars are still with him today.”
“And the teacher?”
“The school reluctantly dismissed him, despite a wave of protest from parents and students who didn’t believe that he could have done the terrible things that he was accused of, but after Jun stood up in court and gave evidence against him, he was convicted and sent to prison.”
“But surely that would have helped Jun’s recovery?”
“So you would think, but it was just the beginning. People blamed Jun for what happened. They said that he had corrupted the teacher and forced him into a homosexual relationship against his will. He was bullied by students and staff alike, for the rest of his time at school. I wanted him to change schools but he refused; it was as if he was punishing himself for what happened. His parents, who hadn’t known he was gay, virtually disowned him although they still support him financially; to appease their guilt, I suppose. They must have seen a change in his behaviour when this all started but they chose to ignore it. When my parents found out that his parents had thrown him out, they invited him to stay with us,” Nino said in a voice filled with frustration.
“And I just grabbed him from behind, with no warning. No wonder he broke down. He told me that he was sensitive to touch when we first moved in together and I just ignored him. I am a horrible, horrible, person,” Aiba wailed, placing his head in his hands.
“It’s not your fault. You couldn’t possibly have known the seriousness of Jun’s problems. But now that you do, if you hurt him in any way, even the slightest little bit, I will personally cut your balls off and shove them down your throat,” Nino said with a look that told Aiba that he was deadly serious.
Aiba responded in an equally serious voice that mirrored Nino’s, “I promise that if I ever do anything to hurt him like that, then I will hand you the knife.”
“Then I’ll do everything within my power to persuade Jun to date you. If there is even the smallest chance of happiness, I want Jun to grab it with both hands, and begin to live again. Otherwise that animal that almost destroyed him will continue to control Jun’s life forever.”
~~~~
Jun was awake but still lying in bed, curled into a tiny ball, facing the wall, when Nino and Aiba entered the motel room.
Aiba hung back nervously as Nino approached Jun carefully; he was terrified that the mere sight of him would set Jun off again. He stood across the room as far away as possible and tried not to not spook Jun with his presence.
“J, are you feeling any better?” Nino asked softly, as he perched on the edge of the bed.
“I feel like an idiot, that’s how I’m feeling right now,” Jun replied huskily. “Aiba must think that I’m a complete basket case.”
“I’m sure he doesn’t, but he does feel badly about what happened. He really likes you and never meant to hurt you.”
“Why on earth would anybody like me?”
“Because you’re beautiful, and artistic, and funny, and you cook the best hamburgers in the country. You, my friend, are what’s known as a catch.”
“I can’t see him wanting to catch me when he finds out that I’m damaged goods,” Jun replied bitterly.
Nino took a deep breath, unsure of what Jun’s reaction would be, as he said, “What if I told you that he already knows about your past and that it makes absolutely no difference to the way that he feels about you?”
Jun spun around to face Nino, his face almost incandescent with anger, “How dare you? You had no right.”
“No right to try and find a shred of happiness for you? To put Aiba’s mind at ease, when he felt like the worst person on the planet after the way you reacted earlier? Jun, none of it was your fault. You have to stop punishing yourself like this. You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.”
“That’s true,” agreed Aiba, as he moved slowly towards the pair on the bed.
Jun looked up, startled, as he realized that Aiba was in the room with them.
“When I look at you I don’t see damaged goods. I just see Jun, and from here you look pretty wonderful. Please give me another chance. I promise to take things as slowly as you want, and I will never touch you again without asking for your permission first, but please allow me to date you,” Aiba added with absolute sincerity.
Jun wanted to be angry, to protest, to throw Aiba out of the room, but instead he found himself hesitantly agreeing to give him a chance, while Nino heaved a relieved sigh.
~~~~
It was very strange to be dating someone that you were also roommates with. By unspoken agreement, as soon as they returned to their shared room, they reverted back to just being friends.
When they did go out together it was under the watchful eye of Nino, who was their self-appointed chaperone. He vetted any date plans that Aiba had, and made sure that Jun was returned safely after each romantic excursion.
Aiba was the perfect gentleman on these dates, caring and considerate of Jun's feelings at all times. After a few weeks this finally paid off, when Jun slipped his hand nervously into Aiba's as they walked home after seeing a movie together.
Both of their hearts seemed to speed up at this small amount of contact. Their fingers fit perfectly together like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.
Nino was waiting outside the building, leaning nonchalantly against the wall as they walked up the path. Jun's hand was still firmly within Aiba's grasp, a fact which didn't escape Nino's notice.
"About time you two got home,” Nino asked sarcastically. “Did you deliberately come back the long way?" he added, as he unsuccessfully attempted to suppress a grin.
"Of course not," Jun replied, blushing furiously.
"Right, since you two are finally here, I will be sleeping in your room tonight. My mysterious roommate has a girl up there again. Why is it that the only time I ever see him is when he wants to have sex with some random person?" Nino sighed.
"Never mind," chirped Aiba, "It will be like having a slumber party. Perhaps Jun will even bake us some cookies, if Kame's oven is free?" he added while looking at Jun with puppy eyes.
~~~~
Aiba's pleading and complaints about being starved, in spite of eating a jumbo tub of popcorn by himself at the cinema, had soon made Jun cave in. After whipping up batch of dough for Aiba's favourite chocolate cookies Jun carried it upstairs to Kame and his communal toaster oven.
Nino was happy to have the opportunity to quiz Aiba on the latest step forward that he'd observed earlier.
"So?" Nino quirked an eyebrow in Aiba's direction.
"I don't know what you mean," replied Aiba, trying desperately to quell the blush he felt creeping up his neck.
"Who started it? You didn't just grab him did you?"
"Of course not," came Aiba's indignant reply. "I couldn’t believe it when he took my hand. I thought I was going to throw up with nerves."
"This is a good sign. If you could just manage to look harmlessly sexy, we might manage to get him to try a kiss next time."
Aiba was looking at Nino with wide eyes as he nervously licked his plump lips as he contemplated the prospect.
Nino was pleased with the way things were going. There was no way that Jun would be able to resist Aiba for long if he continued to look like that.
~~~~
Their first kiss actually happened quite soon after and in such a natural way, that they both wondered what they had been so worried about in the first place.
Jun was sitting at his desk, flipping through some proofs when Aiba sidled into the room, obviously hiding something behind his back.
Aiba's plan to appear nonchalant was ruined when he tripped over his waste paper basket and almost fell on his face as he tried to protect the object he was concealing from being damaged in the fall.
Without even thinking, Jun jumped up and grabbed Aiba by the upper arms to steady him. They stood, their noses almost touching, for what seemed like forever until Jun shyly pulled away.
Aiba sheepishly ducked his head, trying to slow down his heart, which had unaccountably begun to race at Jun's touch.
"Um, here," Aiba said, as he thrust forward his hand. "This is for you. Sho-chan suggested that you might like it since you seemed to like the first one, and he's usually right about these things, although he only likes girls, so he might be completely wrong, and I'm babbling like an idiot aren't I?"
If he was being perfectly honest, Jun hadn't really heard a word of anything Aiba had just said. He was, instead gazing with absolute wonder at the gift sitting on the palm of Aiba's hand.
It was another tiny tree, similar to the one that Aba had given him earlier, but different in its own way. This one depicted a cherry tree in full bloom, tiny metal blossoms trembling on the tips of its slender branches.
It was the most beautiful and special thing that Jun had ever seen. Cradling it lovingly in his left hand, he reached over and hugged Aiba tightly. Winding his arms around his boyfriend's neck, he leant forwards and pressed a soft kiss to Aiba's lips.
Aiba froze momentarily, terrified that Jun would become frightened if he returned the kiss. But Jun continued to gently explore his lips, so Aiba responded in in turn, nibbling on Jun's lower lip as he familiarized himself with the soft skin.
Jun slid his free hand behind Aiba's head, entangling his fingers in his hair as his lips parted slightly. Aiba tentatively pressed the tip of his tongue into the tiny gap between Jun's lips, seeking permission to enter, which was willingly given as Jun opened his mouth with a soft moan.
They both lost track of time as they stood there sharing passionate, but gentle, kisses until they both ran out of breath. As they reluctantly pulled apart, Jun looked at Aiba with unfocused eyes and reddened, moist lips, as he breathed "Thank you. You have given me the most special gift I could ever receive."
As they stared into each other's eyes, they both knew that Jun wasn't only referring to the sculpture.
~~~~
"Nino, what's it feel like to make love to someone?" Jun asked out of the blue one day a few weeks later.
They were sitting in Nino's room looking through Jun’s latest photographs. Nino had already commented on the fact that there seemed to a lot of candid shots of Aiba amongst them.
"What?" Nino squawked. "You know that I've never done it with a guy.”
"I know that, stupid. I wanted to know about the emotional side of things. I really like Aiba, and I think that I might be ready to go further with him."
"Are you sure about this?" Nino asked, nervous for his friend.
"I've finally realized that none of what happened to me in the past was lovemaking. He just wanted to control and hurt me. But I think that Aiba would be gentle with me and make me feel good, not just physically, but emotionally as well. It's about time that I start to take my life back into my own hands and go for what I want, and I've discovered that what I want is Aiba. "
"J, I..." Nino's vision was blurred by tears as he pulled Jun into a hug. "I'm so proud of you."
"Thank you, Nino." Jun replied, squeezing him tightly back, no longer wanting to cringe from his touch.
"Just don't try to force things with Aiba and pressure him. Let it happen naturally. Okay?"
"Okay."
~~~~
When Jun asked Aiba to pose for him properly, Aiba thought nothing of it, and agreed readily. The fact that Jun planned on renting a hotel room for the shoot caused him a momentary alarm though.
Jun argued that he wanted the lighting and setting to be just right and that he was paying for it with the credit card that his parents had given him to assuage their guilt over their treatment of him. Jun had never used it until now, when he felt that his parents should pay for this step towards his new, guilt free life. This fact he kept to himself though, remembering Nino's advice to not pressure Aiba.
Jun seemed strangely relieved when Aiba agreed to his plan, which set another little twinge of alarm off in the back of Aiba’s mind.
~~~~
"Nino, did Jun say anything to you?" Aiba asked, as he slid a banana milkshake across the table, before taking a sip of his own strawberry one. They were at the café on the far side of the small park near their dormitory.
"About?"
"The photo shoot. He seems kind of oddly nervous about it."
"We talked," Nino replied cryptically.
"And?"
"I promised Jun not to interfere, and leave things to you guys to work out between yourselves. But, remember what I said about cutting your balls off? That still goes."
Aiba gulped his milkshake nervously, instantly understanding what Nino was hinting at.
~~~~
Jun opened the door to the hotel room in answer to Aiba’s hesitant knock. The first thing Aiba noticed was that Jun had replaced his glasses with his contact lenses, something that made his eyes appear even larger and more beautiful than usual. There was a slight tinge of fear that was exposed in his gaze that was usually hidden behind the thick black frames he had chosen for his glasses.
The room was large and beautifully decorated. The floor to ceiling windows were hung with gauzy curtains in a pleasing shade of white that softened the light entering the room, but still left it perfectly lit. The oversized bed was also covered with white linens, with a few brightly coloured silk scarves scattered around for a pop of colour.
“Thank you for doing this for me,” Jun said, giving Aiba’s cheek a nervous peck.
“I’m happy to help, but are you sure you want me to be your model?” Aiba asked, as he dropped his backpack on the floor.
“I want my pictures to convey a simple and natural beauty. You’re exactly what I’m looking for.”
“Wait, is that a subtle way of saying that I’m an idiot?” Aiba asked teasingly.
“No, it’s my not-so-subtle way of trying to tell you that I think you’re gorgeous and make me happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life whenever I’m around you,” Jun replied, quickly looking away and fumbling with his camera.
More than anything, at that moment, Aiba wanted to draw Jun into his arms, but he knew that it was all up to Jun to initiate any contact. Instead, he asked what Jun wanted him to wear for the session.
Jun held up a simple white linen shirt and matching pair of soft trousers, "The fabric is quite sheer, so you will have to leave your underwear off so that it doesn't show through."
When Aiba emerged from the bathroom dressed in this new outfit Jun was already waiting with camera in hand.
Things began in a very stilted fashion as Aiba sat stiffly on the side of bed, unsure what to do with his hands or how to position himself. Gradually though as Jun talked him through it, he began to relax and have fun.
Aiba’s self-confidence grew as Jun complimented him, and told him how well he was doing.
"Do you mind if I make a few adjustments?" Jun asked as he put his camera down and walked over to the bed.
"You're the one in charge," Aiba replied, wishing to reinforce the fact that Jun was in complete control of the entire situation.
Jun nodded and climbed on the bed, shuffling over to Aiba on his knees.
Aiba held himself perfectly still as Jun reached over and slowly unbuttoned his shirt, sliding it down his left shoulder to expose his birthmark.
"Are you sure that you want to show that in your photos? Some people find it ugly," Aiba said, feeling suddenly vulnerable. He had often been teased about it when he was at school.
"Well, I think it's perfectly beautiful," Jun replied, as he shyly reached out and touched it lightly with a fingertip. "It is distinctive and unique; just like you."
"You are so cute when you offer me compliments. It makes me want to kiss you," Aiba said, testing for Jun's reaction.
"Then why don't you?" Jun invited.
"Is it fine if I do this?” Aiba asked he leant towards Jun and captured his lips, hoping that he had read the signals correctly.
Jun hummed and gripped the top of Aiba's arms lightly to steady himself as they continued to kiss.
Sliding his hands around the back of Aiba's neck, Jun ran his fingers upwards, twisting them through Aiba's hair.
Eventually Jun slid his right hand down until it rested on the smooth bare skin of Aiba's shoulder. The feeling of warm flesh under his fingers made him pause.
"Jun, is everything okay?"
“I really want to go further with you today. I love kissing you, but I think I'm ready for more, if you are too,” Jun said, finally able to clearly state the real reason behind his invitation. “But I’m afraid of how to do it,” he added as he pulled away slightly from Aiba’s embrace.
“We will go as slow as you need to and only as far as you're comfortable with. I know this might sound a bit odd, but what if you tie my hands so I can’t touch you? Then you can explore my body as much as you want while remaining in complete control. Will that make you feel safer?"
Jun thought about it for a while, before slowly nodding his agreement.
~~~~
Jun paused to admire the view in front of him. Aiba was lying on his back wearing only the loose drawstring trousers, his hands were bound with a green silk scarf and resting on the mattress above his head.
Jun took his time, at first only touching Aiba's hair and face, enjoying the silky feel of his light brown hair as it slid through his fingers.
The skin of Aiba's lips was slightly dry, so Jun darted out the tip of his tongue, licking Aiba's bottom lip until it glistened with moisture. The sight was so tempting that Jun was distracted from his explorations momentarily by the need to kiss Aiba until they were both breathing hard.
Aiba, tense at first, strained against the binding on his wrists but soon found himself relaxing as Jun gained confidence in his movements. It took all of the willpower that he possessed to passively allow Jun to touch his body without touching him in return.
Jun spent a long time admiring Aiba's birthmark, running his tongue over the copper coloured marking, tracing the edges with his lips as he savoured the taste and smooth texture of Aiba's skin.
Next his moved his attentions to Aiba’s neck, nuzzling the hollows above his collarbones, before moving lower down to his chest.
Slowly feeling more adventurous, Jun licked Aiba’s left nipple, entranced as it instantly stiffened as Aiba moaned softly and wriggled slightly. Thoroughly enjoying himself by now, Jun repeated the action with the right side as well. Jun continued to move between the two, sucking and nipping until Aiba was panting breathlessly, his stiffening member pushing up the front of the loose trousers.
Jun could feel himself growing hard just from the sounds of pleasure that he was wringing out of Aiba’s mouth as he continued his exploration of his prone body.
After nuzzling his way down Aiba’s torso, he hesitated as he reached the waistband of the soft trousers that rested low on his hipbones.
“May I touch you?” Jun asked as he shyly gestured towards Aiba’s crotch.
“Please,” Aiba said, arching his back slightly, moving towards Jun’s hand.
Jun slipped his hand down and cupped Aiba’s cock through the fabric before tracing the outline with his fingertips.
Aiba hissed, and shuddered as he felt Jun’s warm fingers sliding down inside his trousers and gripping his cock loosely.
Jun’s eyes darkened as he felt the hot flesh thickening under in response to his touch. Keeping a hold of Aiba’s cock, Jun moved back up towards the top of the bed and once again captured Aiba’s lips.
Aiba moaned helplessly into Jun’s parted lips as he felt the soft skin of Jun’s hand begin to slide back and forth along the length of his erection. He could feel the hardness of Jun’s own erection pressing into his hipbone as they continued to kiss, lips parting as their tongues danced together.
“This is ridiculous,” Jun suddenly said, almost as if thinking out loud. He released his hold on Aiba’s cock pulled away from his embrace.
“Have I done something wrong?” Aiba asked, feeling out of his depth.
“Of course not,” Jun said as he reached up and untied the scarf. There were light marks on Aiba’s wrists which were made when he strained his arms while trying to hold still. Jun carefully rubbed them before taking Aiba’s hands and holding them loosely in front of him. “It’s just that I realized that I love you, and trust you, which means that I have nothing to be afraid of.”
Aiba’s eyes widened at Jun’s declaration of love, “I love you too and I promise that I would never do anything to hurt you.”
For a moment they simply sat staring at each other with matching foolish grins, before Jun flung himself into Aiba’s arms and recommenced kissing him.
Aiba’s heart began to race uncontrollably when Jun pulled back slightly and gazed at him with dark and unfocused eyes and said, “Please take me.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to pressure you.”
“Please? I want this. I want you,” Jun replied as he squeezed Aiba’s erection through his trousers.
~~~~
Aiba stared as if hypnotised as Jun knelt on the mattress and slowly unbuttoned his shirt before allowing it to slip off his shoulders and fall to the bed.
The skin that was revealed was smooth and pale, dotted with tiny moles in the most unexpected places, including one sitting next to his left nipple.
Reaching out, Aiba took Jun’s hand in his and drew him down to lay next to him on the crisp white linens. Jun was trembling slightly as Aiba began to gently caress his body, all the while murmuring words of love in a calm and soothing fashion.
“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?” Aiba asked as he nibbled on Jun’s hipbones, causing him to arch up off the bed at the sensation. “Because you really are quite breathtaking,” Aiba added as he traced the outline of Jun’s hard cock through his jeans.
Jun couldn't help tilting his hips upwards in an attempt to gain more friction against his erection. Releasing a small whimper he once again begged, "Please, I want to feel you."
Aiba took a deep breath and unbuttoned Jun's jeans, sliding them, and Jun's underwear off in one fluid motion before standing up and doing the same with his own trousers. Before returning to the bed and positioning himself between Jun's legs, he walked across the room and retrieved a condom and a bottle of lubricant from his bag.
Aiba took a long time to run the tips of his fingers over Jun’s pale skin, until he became accustomed to his touch. Jun was so responsive, even the lightest lick or nibble made him writhe on the bed, his breath hitching, as Aiba worked his way slowly down his body, tracing the well-defined muscles with the tip of his tongue. Taking Jun's cock into his mouth and sucking on it lightly, Aiba slowly began to rub the tips of his well lubed fingers in the space between Jun's buttocks. Jun closed his eyes and arched his back as his breath hitched at being touched in such an intimate place. Taking Jun's breathless gasps as a sign of encouragement Aiba carefully began to try and ease the tip of one finger into Jun's body. The muscles were so tightly clenched that Aiba stopped after a light press and concentrated instead on licking and teasing Jun's cock until he felt him relax slightly.
"Please relax Angel, I promise that I will soon make you feel so good," Aiba said. "I have some donuts in my bag and I promise to give you my favourite one if you're good for me. It even has sprinkles," he added, reaching up to tweak Jun's nipple and offer him an encouraging smile.
Jun couldn't help laughing in return, his whole body seeming to release its tension as he relaxed under Aiba's patient and tender ministrations.
~~~~
Jun's calm state lasted only until Aiba began to press himself slowly into his body.
As he felt the intrusion Jun's body stiffened and he seemed to forget how to breathe as his mind plummeted back to that dark night when his life changed forever. He could feel hot breath on the back of his neck, before he was forcefully bent over his desk as rough dry fingers roughly penetrated his body before they were replaced with something much worse. Tears trickled out from under his tightly screwed up eyelids as he began to whimper.
Aiba immediately halted his movements and said firmly, "Jun, my angel, open your eyes and look at me. I'm here and you're safe. Nothing bad is going to happen to you."
Jun managed to pry open his eyes far enough to be able to see a pair of gentle brown eyes looking down at him with deep concern.
"Just breathe and keep looking at me and we'll work through this together. If it's too much to handle, just say, and I'll stop. We can always just cuddle and then try again another time," Aiba added as he kissed the tip of Jun's nose.
"No, please don't stop now. I want you to erase the bad memories and replace them with happy ones. Until then I'll always feel broken," Jun said, feeling as if Aiba's strength was somehow transferring to his own heart.
"There's no way that someone as brave as you could ever be broken, my angel," Aiba said lovingly as he kissed Jun's tears away.
Jun growled and weakly punched Aiba’s chest as he protested, “Oi, stop calling me Angel. How did you even come up with that? It’s even worse than MatsuJun…Oh!”
While Jun was occupied with complaining, Aiba had taken the opportunity to slip fully inside his body. There was no pain, only a wonderful feeling of fullness and Jun could only gaze up at Aiba in wonder, his tears forgotten as he realized that there was nothing to be afraid of any longer. There was no possible way that this sweet and gentle soul would ever hurt him. There was only a world of pleasure to look forward to if only he was brave enough to take first this step.
Jun wrapped his arms around Aiba’s neck and tentatively moved his hips back and forth an infinitesimal distance, testing to see what it felt like.
Aiba was using all of the self-control that he possessed to stay completely still until Jun gave him permission to move. As his length was entirely encompassed within the tight heat of Jun’s passage, Jun himself began to make small rocking motions against his pelvis as he explored the new sensations he was experiencing. Aiba’s cock was being squeezed with every movement that Jun made, and all Aiba could do was bite his lip and cling tightly to the bottom sheet in an attempt to distract himself.
Jun could obviously see the effect he was having on Aiba, especially when he experimentally squeezed himself around Aiba’s straining cock, eliciting a drawn out moan from taller man.
Jun gazed up at Aiba with dark, wanting eyes as he said “Make me yours.”
Aiba’s own pupils darkened as if to mirror Jun’s as he bent his head and took possession of Jun’s lips, gently sliding his tongue into his mouth as he began to slowly move his hips.
Soon they were wrapped in their own little universe where nothing else existed but each other and the feeling of their bodies moving together as one.
Jun gasped and dug his nails onto Aiba’s back as he felt the head of Aiba’s cock rub against a spot inside him that made him feel pleasantly numb and also see stars at the same time.
As Aiba increased the depth and speed of his thrusts Jun found his body responding automatically, his hips rising up to meet his lover's, as they moved in harmony.
"M-Masaki..." Jun whined as he was filled repeatedly by Aiba's hard cock.
"Jun, you feel so good," Aiba panted as he slipped his hand down between their bodies and began to stroke Jun's cock in time with his slow but powerful thrusts.
The increased stimulation almost overwhelmed Jun as he felt the panic rising once again. He closed his eyes, biting his bottom lip to disguise its tremble. He felt his body being jerked backwards with each snap of Aiba's hips and although it felt wonderful, he also felt momentarily trapped.
Aiba could feel Jun drifting away from the present as he stilled beneath him and his breathing became laboured. He immediately stopped moving and removed his hand from Jun's member.
Changing position slightly and leaning backwards away from Jun's body to allow him some space, Aiba spoke softly, "Angel, are you with me?"
Jun managed to nod, but he was unable to speak, worried that his voice would betray him and show his fear.
"If you get scared all you have to do is look at me. I don't bite," Aiba said, before adding with a very poor attempt at a suggestive wink, “Unless that's something that you think that you might enjoy in the future?"
It was impossible for Jun to contain the snort of laughter that burst out of his mouth at the ridiculousness of Aiba's attempt to put him at ease. In retaliation he once again clenched tightly around Aiba's length, giggling at the anguished squeak that he made him produce.
Jun reached up, wrapping his arms firmly around Aiba's neck to pull him back down to his body. This time when Aiba began to move, Jun's cock was tightly pressed between their entwined bodies, their movements creating a perfect feeling of friction.
Aiba once again captured Jun's plump lips, tongues twisting together in an intimate dance, the feeling of Jun's muscular body opening up to him making his movements more intense as he folded Jun's legs upwards and snapped his hips forwards.
Jun arched backwards trapping his leaking cock between their undulating bodies, the sensation making his eyes become heavy lidded with lust as he continued to maintain eye contact.
Knowing that he would not be able to contain his own orgasm for much longer, Aiba sped up his movements as he reached and gave Jun's nipple a sharp tweak. Jun's eyes widened and a needy whine came from the back of his throat. Encouraged, Aiba once again slid his hand between their bodies and gripped Jun's cock.
Jun felt as if his whole body was on fire as he felt pressure building low in his pelvis as Aiba continued to claim his body with deep, possessive thrusts as their breathing quickened.
The head of Aiba's long cock repeatedly hit that spot within Jun's body that made it impossible to think, causing him to abandon himself entirely to pleasure. Almost before he knew it, Jun felt his entire body convulsing and he was coming and coming, hot liquid spurting from his cock that was still sandwiched between them, painting both of their torsos with strands of cum.
Without even thinking Jun instinctively wrapped his legs around Aiba's hips pressing him deeper into his body than he would have thought possible as he felt Aiba begin to shake. A moment later with a drawn out cry Aiba stilled deep inside Jun's still twitching body as he reached his own climax, filling the condom with small jerks of his hips.
Their bodies were still joined together as they gazed at each other, neither surprised by the tears flowing from their eyes as Jun whispered, "Thank you Masaki. I love you."
Aiba attempted to blink away his own tears as he replied, "I love you too, Angel."
Somehow, instead of protesting at the pet name, Jun found himself smiling and licking Aiba's tears away with the tip of his tongue.
~~~~
A few weeks later, Nino knocked on the door to Jun and Aiba's shared room one last time before giving up. He was supposed to be meeting Jun to fill him in on the new girl he had met at a concert the night before, but it looked as if nobody was there. With a resigned sigh, he pulled out his phone and sent a text to Kiki-chan instead as he headed up to his own room.
Jun's room was in darkness, with only a small chink of light showing under the bathroom door. Breathy moans and muffled giggles could be heard issuing from the shower.
The curtain on the window above Jun's desk was open slightly, allowing the light from the full moon to shine across the room. Sitting in the middle of the desk, shimmering in the light, was a tiny metal tree decorated with bright green enamelled leaves that shivered lightly in the warm breeze that blew through the partly open window.
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no subject
Date: 2016-12-24 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2016-12-24 10:00 pm (UTC)I loved your comments then and I love them now as well.
Thank you my friend.
no subject
Date: 2016-12-24 08:26 pm (UTC)Aiba is sooo cute and caring, and Nino as Jun's best friend is just perfect. <3
I so loved Aiba's patience with Jun, who had such a dark past, but he overcame it with the help of his friends, and with Aiba-chan's sunny character. <3
It's so lovely how they slowly got closer to each other step by step, and how it ended in the perfect smut. <3
And Ohno's part was also hilarous *lol* He never really appeared, but he was there...or so....poor Nino *lol*
Thanks again for writing this story for me, I sooooo loved it, really. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
no subject
Date: 2016-12-24 10:06 pm (UTC)I was so relieved that you liked it, since it ended up completely different to what I originally intended to write.
*hugs*
no subject
Date: 2016-12-24 11:38 pm (UTC)It's lovely and Jun's all broken but yet not and adorable here and that makes me want to squish him.
And protective!Nino and patient!caring!Aiba is <3.
no subject
Date: 2016-12-24 11:45 pm (UTC)Who else would take such great pleasure at torturing vulnerable!Jun?
Nino makes the best fiercely protective friend ever. We all need a Nino in our lives.
Thank you hon. ❤❤
no subject
Date: 2016-12-26 09:44 pm (UTC)really. wow.
that was a wonderful story!
from the beginning to the end!
and it shows, that love can overcome everything!
(something that we really need in the world we live in at the moment..)
i really enjoyed reading it.
thank you for sharing this really wonderful story!!!
no subject
Date: 2016-12-26 11:12 pm (UTC)I put a lot of thought into this somewhat difficult subject and I am glad that you liked it.
Thank you for your lovely comment ❤
no subject
Date: 2017-01-07 12:59 pm (UTC)Nino is perfect as Jun's best friend and even if he had to break Jun's past to Aiba, I think it's necessary since I don't think Jun will tell Aiba about it, he might but it'll probably take a long time and the story must move on lols
I also like that you spent quite a considerable amount of paragraphs about their first love making, it's sweet and hot at the same time <3
no subject
Date: 2017-01-08 12:18 am (UTC)I needed Nino to protect Jun but to also try and encourage him back to a normal life at the same time.
Nino couldn't leave Aiba feeling so distressed after what happened at the beach, so he basically had to tell Jun's story for him.
I know the love making went for a very long time but it was really important that Aiba took it so slowly and carefully.
Thanks for reading. I think that for once I am quite happy with the way this one turned out.
[LONGLISTS] ARASHI FANFICTIONS AWARD 2016 - GENRE & OVERALL CATEGORIES
Date: 2017-02-15 08:49 am (UTC)[LONGLISTS] ARASHI FANFICTIONS AWARD 2016 - By Author List
Date: 2017-03-01 03:33 am (UTC)