The Water

May. 28th, 2017 10:29 am
learashi: (Sakumoto lap)
[personal profile] learashi
Pairing: Sakumoto

Genre: Angst

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I make no claim over Arashi - but I do own these words

Summary: He opens his mouth to scream, but cold water floods in, choking him.

Notes: This follows on from The Bird and was writen because "someone" asked me for a sequel. (I'm not naming names here just in case this is terrible enough for you to want to extract revenge on that "someone" for encouraging me.)




The water, which had appeared so clear and inviting from the boat is cold enough to make his lungs seize and his heart seem to falter in its rhythm for a moment.

His vision is blurred by a red cloud floating in front of his eyes and in his daze wonders briefly if it is some strange undiscovered jellyfish. Until he tastes the tang of metal in his mouth and realizes that it is his own blood that is tainting the water around the cut on his head where he struck it as he fell.

It was only when he tries to swim to the surface that he notices that he is being held back; his foot tangled in the anchor cable, the metal slicing into his skin adding to the bloom of colour in the icy waters.

He struggles, flailing his arms and legs in all directions. Nothing happens. He is surrounded by water cold enough to already numb his body and his mind.

He opens his mouth to scream, but cold water floods in, choking him.

In panic he tries to breathe, but the icy water fills him, trickling into his lungs, chilling him from the inside out.

Terror overwhelms him as he feels his lungs become useless, but he continues to struggle with every last fibre of his rapidly dissolving consciousness, hitting out at the water that is holding him in its deadly embrace.

xx

That moment has replayed itself countless times in his mind since then. He relives the horror over and over again. The worst time was when he was locked deep within his own personal limbo, unable to vocalise the pain and gain relief from the endless cycle of terror.

The nightmare of that moment haunts Jun almost every time he closes his eyes. He awakes with a start, heart pounding, and throat raw from screaming in his sleep.

But this time it is different.

xx

Sho watches Jun as he sleeps, his gaze never leaving the pale face and the shallow rise and fall of his chest. He unconsciously counts the breaths as if his repetition of the numbers will guarantee that Jun will continue to breathe unaided except for the thin tube of oxygen resting under his nostrils.

Even though Jun is getting better far too slowly for his liking, the quantity of tubes and wires running through his body has lessened in the past few days since he awakened from his coma.

The thought that Jun might have slipped away from this world, from him, without knowing his true feelings leaves a dull ache in the pit of his stomach and the palms of his hands in a lather of nervous sweat.

It pains him that he has already missed three days since Jun was returned to them. The old man who rules their lives had denied his repeated requests for time, time to spend with Jun watching for the minute improvements in his health that the others had reported to him from their brief visits. It took a threat to reveal the circumstances of Jun's accident to get him to agree to one weeks grace.

He doesn’t want to miss even a second of being with Jun from now on and so he spends every moment that he can sitting by his bedside even when he sleeps.

Especially when Jun sleeps, for he knows that is when he needs him the most.

xx

Jun finds it hard to breathe, the nightmare’s grip is strong and he is still so very weak.

It seems entirely possible that he will be drawn back into the dark prison of his mind and be unable to escape. Sweat coats his skin with a slick sheen as he thrashes and fights against the all-engulfing ocean that clouds his mind and senses with a filmy blue-green haze.

His body clenches in fear as he drowns once again, his subconscious mind recreating the ordeal in exact and terrifying detail as it has countless times before.

Even though he sleeps still, he becomes aware of a high pitched and panicked scream echoing around the room which he knows comes from him.

But this time a deep and calming voice penetrates the haze of fear.

xx

Sho tenses as he sees Jun struggling with his inner demons, thrashing on the bed as if trying to swim to the safety of consciousness. Jun screams and Sho's heart clenches at the pain he hears in his voice.

He stands and carefully climbs onto the bed and takes Jun into his arms, murmuring soft words of love and holds his trembling limbs steady. Sho is as gentle and loving as he can be as he tries to ease Jun into a waking state.

Jun's breath hitches and his eyes fly open as he clutches tightly to Sho burying his face in Sho's chest, his entire body shaking.

xx

As the icy waters of his imagination recede Jun relaxes slightly as he feels the strength of Sho's arms around him. Sho is looking at him calmly, his eyes two deep pools of warmth and love.

Jun feels weak and it is hard for him to catch his breath but it is not the lingering effect of the nightmare that makes him so. It is the feeling of his heart fluttering in response to Sho's affection that makes him dizzy.

It was Sho's devotion that had tethered him here at the very last moment when he was drifting away from this life and wished for nothing more than to fly away to another place, one where he was free of pain, which was odd because it was the belief that Sho didn't care for him that had made him want to stop trying to stay in the first place.

"Sho?" Jun's voice is husky and weak as he speaks to Sho for the first time. "Why?"

"Why what?" Sho asks as he strokes his hand down Jun's back, wincing internally as he feels every bone in Jun's spine under his fingers; he has become so thin and fragile.

"Why did you stop me?"

Sho is puzzled and at a loss as to what Jun means."Sorry? I don't understand..."

"Why did you stop me?" Jun repeats faintly. "I was so close to flying away out of this room and drifting to the stars. It would have been so easy."

"Is that what you wanted? You wanted to leave us? To leave me?"

"You left me first." Tears glitter in Jun's eyes and he struggles to breathe. "But I didn't want to leave...not really...it's just that in my hazy state I thought there was nobody who really wanted me to stay."

Guilt stabs at Sho. "I couldn't... I couldn't bear to see you like that. It was too much for me to take. You were beyond my reach and I was too scared, too weak to face you."

"And yet you did. At the end you saved me," Jun whispers. "You tethered me here when I was drifting away like a child's lost balloon. Your love did that. You did that."

Sho knows that Jun is crying but he doesn't notice his own tears until they fall onto Jun's pale cheeks, mingling there before dropping down to the white starched linens of the narrow hospital bed.

"Then let's make a promise. Neither of us is going anywhere without the other from now on," Sho says with determination as he kisses Jun's lips, his eyes his tear-stained cheeks, holding him tightly but carefully as if aftraid of shattering his thin body.

Jun clings to Sho with all of the strength he can muster, his breathing steadying as he listens to the reassuring rhythm of Sho's heart. He knows that if he can listen to that soothing sound for the rest of his life then he need not fear drowning in the workings of his own mind ever again.
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